The Sick, The Depressed and The Ugly

Boy oh boy have I been feeling down and dirty lately.  Sick and depressed are only a few adjectives to describe my current state of mind.  There is no serenity upstairs, no gratitude, just self doubt, confusion and some sort of cross breed between a cold and flu virus which has set up shop in my body without even the respect of a security deposit.

I feel empty!!  It sucks to feel that way unless thats the exact emotion one is trying to achieve....pure utopian emptiness.  I for one would rather feel full, full of serenity, full of graditude or at the very least, full of shit.

I know that my phantom virus will go away after a few days rest.
I know that my work issues will go away after I either find a new job or take napalm to the place and destroy it completely.  The work issues are weighing me down awfully bad.  I seem to be failing at my attempts to provide good service.  Maybe I am to jaded at this point, but to be failing at an entry level serving job is no support for my already fragile ego.  Its time for a change there.

Neil Hope's death has found its way into my psyche and has been causing me to obsess.  Obsession is so not fun nor is as in style as it once was.

I have found myself liking someone whom I shouldn't like while still yearning for someone who symbolically drove a tractor over my face.  I need to meet women outside the rooms in order to justify my pursuit of carnal happiness.

My OCD and OCD related issues have come back in full force, making me think someone converted them into 3D, and its basically making me fucking nuts.  Twitching and jerking is not a fun way to spend each day. 

A conversation with a friend about abstract art and abstract explanations made me feel like my sober mind is still just unbalanaced enough to secure my creativity.  He laments that his sober mind has robbed him of his creativity. I disagree.

I told Kelly Kenna she should write a one-woman show about her life. I think its an amazing idea, because I thought of it, and I really think she should do it, but time will tell if she does.  She has a tendency toward humor and more work will secure her comedic timing and approach.  She's a good speaker.

At some point my sponsor and I will finally go over my fourth and fifth step, which I actually finished two months ago.  I guess patience is important, but impatience is an impulse.

I fell asleep last night eating Raisinettes and there are shit looking chocolate smears on the bedsheets so I got some business to take care of.

So in the end, have a great day and if not go fuck yourself for now!!!!


How I feel this week.
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Something oddly sexy about this sick girl.

Venice Prostitute!!