What Happened to American TV????

I was watching TV the other night; something I never do, and I caught a show that was like Musical Chairs on crack.  The contestants had to run an obstacle course to get to the chairs and then each chair had a $$$ value and the one on the lowest valued chair was eliminated.  Its called OH SIT! Ohh yeah I get the double entendre.....

What a fucking horrible show on ABC, that also airs WIPEOUT, a blatant rip off of Spike TV's hysterical MXC Challenge, which itself was just footage taken from an old Japanese Game Show with new dialogue dubbed over.

Then we got all of these fucking shows...

American Idol
So You Think You Can Dance
The Voice
Dancing With the Stars

Shit they even got a new show, of course on ABC, called Splash where a bunch of fucking loser has been d-list celebs dive into a pool.

I can't wait for these new shows I have created to air....


How Far Can I Pee
Celebrity Farting
Guess the Cum Shot
Survivor: Afghanistan
The Biggest Loser: Weight Gain Edition



Just give me a fucking handful of stupid sitcoms like the old days.

I miss Diffrent Strokes, Webster and Silver Spoons.

WEBSTER is one fresh looking motherfucker.


With each TV season it gets easier and easier to NOT WATCH TV.  The garbage I have listed doesn't even begin to cover the shit on CABLE..... Duck Fuckers, Storage Sales, Kardashian Mamograms, etc....

Think I'll go for a walk....

Hookers or Real Women

I am tired of the dating scene.  Women are all looking for guys to drop $150 on a date and still not put out. Or you drop $150 on a date and there is no second date.

Maybe I'm cheap or just poor due to all those years snorting Angel Dust in the back of a VW, but I mean come on when are you no longer a single woman and just a WHORE?

The following was taken from this chicks profile on POF...

Just dont be cheap because thats a huge turn off for me, especially if you have the nerve to be like 45 and your trying to talk to me and think you dont have to have to buy me sh!t to keep me interested... like HELLO. LOL okay Im not a gold digger but if your older please dont message me expecting not to have to take me shopping or something, if your young and hot different rules apply!



She's 23 and I would fuck her, but come on with the gold digging, take me shopping and buy me shit attitude.  Maybe its just code for, "I am a for hire hooker."

So I messaged her and told her I would pay her $200 for 45 minutes of her time. We are currently in negotiation.  I told her no date, no shopping, nothing other than paying her $200 for her time.

She asked me what I wanted and I told her I just wanted her to stand in one place for 45 minutes NAKED while I watched TV and ignored her.

I am still waiting on her response.  But I am sure she won't pass up the chance to make $200 in 45 minutes because that is what women are really about.....MONEY.

Fuck you!!! Pay my way, take me shopping, buy me the Soprano's box set and I'll let you let me cum in your face you miserable whore.


Girls like this give women a bad name.  Maybe I should just write you a check and just send you on your way......

Where are the real women at?



PS: SHE SAID YES and I AM CURRENTLY GIVING HER MY ADDRESS. I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH HER SIT OUT IN THE PARKING LOT WHILE I NEVER ANSWER THE DOOR!!!

Jodi Arias: The Most Amazing Act of Self Defense Ever

So after my secret girlfriend JODI ARIAS was found guilty yesterday of slashing her ex-boyfriend's throat and stabbing him 27 times then shooting him, my family sat me down for a talk.

"It was self-defense Dr. Teeth.", they told me over and over again, but I didn't want to believe it.

I told them she shot him, then decided, "No I don't want to do it this way.", then she slashed his throat but stopped and said, "This isn't the way either."  Then she stabbed him a few times but realized that her grip on the knife was all wrong so she regripped it and stabbed, then all the blood made the knife loose so she had to regrip it again and stab again. 



So I believe she did do this in self defense and indecisiveness.  Had she preplanned out her method, she would have been blamed for premeditation, but she didn't; she figured it out as she went and just couldn't make a decision that day, so she defended herself in several ways, all making it seems as if she was just a murderous tyrant.

That's not the Jodi I know.  The Jodi I know has fake tits, and dyes her hair depending on the sun.  She won the jail house singing contest and wears cool assed glasses.  This is the Jodi I know.


Jodi told me if I help bust her out of jail that we could be together forever....or at least until the police returned her gun.


These men abused Jodi while she was behind bars. 

Jodi told me she would rather die than get life in prison.  She said death is the ultimate freedom.

Let's make sure Jodi gets her wish.

Superhero's: Generation Next

So recently while watching Iron Man 3, I realized that the face of Superhero movies had changed.
With the release of about 500 comic movies this year and next, I noticed a new trend.

Back in the day....god I love that cliche, but back in the day Superhero's existed for one single purpose and that was to save the day from crime and criminals and monsters and aliens and all kinds of crazy shit.

The Superhero's were one dimensional and that was good enough for everyone, but now.....

The new generation of Superhero movies exist to show us almost solely the tortured souls these superdudes possess.

It all started with the Dark Knight.  Man does that fucker need some Prozac.  As the movies progressed Batman was featured less and Bruce Wayne was featured more.  These movies were not about a superhero who happened to be Bruce Wayne, but rather Bruce Wayne and the pressure of being a superhero.  So much pressure! So much overtime, so little pay.

The new Superman movie looks like the same thing.  Human looking alien sent to Earth for the sole purpose of saving our stupid asses from all the stupid shit we do.

Listen to this Crash Test Dummies Song to learn about how hard it is too be Superman.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihUIPlLw2ZE

Now we come to Iron Man; part 3 features Tony Stark barely ever in his Iron Man costume.  Let's face it, the care free, smug attitude of Tony is way more fun than watching a CGI'd Iron Man beating up some random "bad guy".

So Iron Man does the opposite of those other films and instead of showing a tortured soul, although he does now suffer from panic attacks in part 3, we see how much fun he has being rich.  Bruce Wayne was rich but not nearly as happy.

But Iron Man, like the others, is continuing this trend of keeping the Superhero out of the Supersuit.  We are spending so much more time with the man behind the mask.  I like this, but at some point this trend will grow old.

"Why so serious?!", asked the Joker.  And I agree.  Why so fucking serious guys?!?!!

I would love to see a superhero movie that plays like the Soprano's where the superdude goes to see Dr. Melfi and we watch these long, drawn out therapy sessions where he talks  about being bullied and having self doubt and a small porn addiction and a hatred toward Mexicans or something.

Melvin Furd. Teased and tortured until he jumped out of a window and became....


The Toxic Avenger.  A deformed, B-movie Superhero suffering from total radiation poisoning and fucking blind porno actresses.

We need a big budget movie version of this guy and watch him struggle with being bullied and how he overcame it simply by falling into toxic waste.

Coming SUMMER 2015 with a budget of $900 million.

Weir Going to Rehab

So the Bob Weir saga gets jucier as time the hours go by.

First was his crabby attitude back in early March during a show at his bar the Sweetwater when he stormed off stage during a performance of Dylan's, A Hard Rain's A Gonna Fall.  Seems the audience pissed him off by talking to much so he left.  He returned for the second set with his Ratdog Quartet, and passive aggresively told the audience, "Don't worry we're not gonna try anything to delicate."

They made it through the set, but during the Dylan's, Knockin' On Heaven's Door, encore, Bob again got annoyed with the loud crowd and yelled out, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ohhhhh Bobby, you are performing in a small venue with people who chat, even if they shouldn't.  The smaller the venue, the louder the chatter boxes are.  It's just part of the deal man!!!

Then we fast forward to April 25th, when a clearly drugged and out of it Bob Weir struggled to make it through a performance until he fell over on stage, finished the song and then was done for the night while Phil Lesh and the rest of the band finished the show.

Two days later, Bob was back on stage and seemed fine. So I guess Phil Lesh's shoulder injury claim and the rumors that Weir took Ambien instead of 12 Vicodin, weren't true!! (tongue in cheek)

Weir's "shoulder injury" made Garcia's worst moments on stage not seem all that bad, fueling speculation that Bob was struggling with alcohol, pain killers, or god forbid Heroin.

And what a shame if Bob is struggling with Heroin at the age of 65, 18 years after the drug played a part in his friend and band mates death.  Jerry's 15 year decline should have been enough to keep Weir from that sinister drug.

But I digress, no one knows nothing.  Weir's demeanor on stage at the Capitol Theater would indicate inhebriation; but from what?????

He was definitely, not on this planet mentally.

So now Weir is off to rehab to deal with EXHAUSTION, which is code in the celebrity world for DRUG ADDICTION.

It's a shame.  But I guess we will never know the true story, just the spun one.

Maybe after Weir dies, someone will write a book, but I am not going to wait around. I know that he's a hard worker, and an amazing musician.  I just hope he doesn't spend what few years he has left tarnishing that reputation by going down the road feelin' bad.....

Bob Weir/ Phil Lesh: Help Wanted

I just can't hold it in any longer....

Fuck you Bob Weir and fuck you Phil Lesh.

Seriously, when the fuck did these two former Grateful Dead members hold a , "Be The Next Jerry Garcia Contest"?????

I find it pathetic that they found some douche-bag from a Dead coverband to be the Jerry Garcia of their new band called, Furthur.  They should actually call themselves Lesser.

These guys have all gotten odd since Jerry died, proving that Jerry was the raft that kept them all afloat.  Billy was smart enough to basically retire while Mickey is smart enough to do his own thing, but Bob and Phil just have to keep playing those old songs, but now Phil ruins Garcia's songs with his dreadful voice, or they let this Garcia imitator take the reins...


Everytime I look at this John Denver looking asshole I can't help but think of Wheels from DeGrassi Jr. High.


Just becayuse John Kadlicek can play like Jerry doesn't mean he is anything like Jerry, nor should he be the main guy on stage.  Bob and Phil literally take a back seat to this asshole.

Its like Bob and Phil auditioned for a spot in a Grateful Dead cover band and were allowed to tag along.



This fucking "band" is starting to turn into the 3 Stooges in their later years, continuously filling in the "Curly" slot with whomever was fat and bald and available.

Bob is Moe and Phil is Larry.

It's bad enough they chose a Garcia wanna-be to helm their shit band, but its worse that they take a back seat to him. 

When did these guys decide they had become old and in the way?

And when Bob's drunken, ambiened ass fell over on stage recently, maybe it was a sign from Jerry that his friends had become morons.

And what's really sad is the Deadheads who just can't let go of an era thats been gone for almost 18 years.  IT'S OVER PEOPLE!!!!!  They go to shows in their tie-dyes and close their eyes and pretend that their at a Dead show from 1989 or whatever year they fantasize about.

I truly feel sorry for those who didn't have a chance to see the orginal band play. I was lucky, I saw Garcia 13 times, and even if he was on the decline, it was still him and the band.

Now its just a bar band covering Dead songs that just so happens to feature two of the members of the band their covering.

I think I'll go santize my ears by listening to an old Dead bootleg.  Even Jerry in his final months sounded better than this crap does.

Sorry guys, I am just not on board this time......

WEIR on the floor of the stage....

So the news broke out in the Deadhead community last night that Bob Weir had "collapsed" on stage during a concert. 

Here is the footage...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu7rugK4vJE&feature=share

Now I watched the footage then went to Wikipedia to look up the definition of "collapsed"...

1. To fall down or inward suddenly; cave in.

2. To break down suddenly in strength or health and thereby cease to function.

 

Bob techically collapsed if you want the story to sound scandalous and are trying to draw readers.  But in reality Bob fell down.  Now from reports of Bob's performance as well as Phil Lesh's claim that Bob hurt his shoulder would indicate that Bob fell down because of pain.

 

But Bob's inability to play and remember the words to song lyrics ala Jerry Garcia would indicate that Bob was on TOO MANY PAINKILLERS and/or drunk.

 

The fact that no one in the band stopped when Bob fell would indicate the band knew what was going on before it even happened.

 

After he fell, two Roadies came to his rescue and lifted him up and put him in a fold out chair, where Bob sat slumped over for the rest of the song.  After the song the band left the stage then returned without Bob.

 

 

 

Now you'll never convince me that Bob fell down and performed the way he did because his shoulder hurt.  Its nice too see that since Jerry has died, the band members have gotten good PR people to make up bullshit stories the way other celebrities do.

 

Bob was clearly under the influence of something. Painkillers is the popular vote.

 

But my point is that Bob didn't collapse; Bob fell.

 

But a headline that reads, "BOB WEIR FALLS ONSTAGE" doesn't sound as dramatic and we all know that.

In this photo Bob's quasi-retarded body language indicates someone who is HIGH.  Watch the video and see this footage play out. Bob doesn't seem hurt, he seems HIGH.

 

 

Hope your "shoulder" heals fast Bob......