You Don't Know What You Got Until You Lose It

They title of the blog says it all.  But a lot of times we do know what we have and we do appreciate and love it.  But when its gone we punish ourselves by saying we didn't love or care enough or spend enough time, etc.  But in truth we are mourning and we'll never love or cherish enough during life to somehow avoid the pain of death or loss.

My cat is sick right now and may die and if she does I'll feel like I didn't spend enough time with her, or hold her enough, or take enough pictures, but in truth I've always given her love and attention.  But whats really going on is that I hurt that I cannot do it for her anymore because she is gone. (she's not gone, but just stay with me.)

We can never love enough or hug enough to make up for the time when we can no longer.  It all comes to an end.  We will kiss, make love, hold, love, care until that moment when it actively ends.  Then we just hope that we kissed, loved, held and cared enough to get us through the rough time.

It won't.  We will always want one more chance.  And if we were given that chance. We would want another.  It doesn't end

We need to accept that someone or something is gone and that we need to move on and remember fondly or accept that we gave what we could. 

The other side of loving is hurt.  The other side of loving is pain.  The other side of living is death.

Everything is a circle and if you aren't willing to hurt then you aren't able to love.

Tom Cruise Gay Scientologist

Recently Tom Cruise returned to Planet Earth after a long absence.  He wanted to see how we as a planet had changed.


He had been on a mission to other planets to teach them about the teachings of L Ron Hubbard, SuperGod and Sci-Fi Writer.

Tom Cruise explains to this frightened family that Top Gun was not a movie about Gay Men.

Tom came back to a world that no longer seemed to admire him as a film star.















He returned to realize that his wife and daughter had left him. And that he was alone with the exception of his "friend" John Travolta.


Tom was distraught.  Why had Scientology left his family in tatters and his Hollywood career in a major slump?  He had done everything the sci-fi writer had told him to do.

There was nothing left to do but go into hiding with "friend" John Travolta.


They went to a place called Brokeback and it was there that they rustled cattle and experimented with anal sex for the first time.  It was a magical time for both of them.  They laughed, they played, they wrestled and they committed consentual rape.

They even invited their friend Cosmo up to join them.


Tom realized that since he had left, Earth had changed and its people had moved on.  They no longer cared about him.  They had dared to move on.  They had dared to judge him.

Tom even went so far as to try and kill Oprah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGMAH6pdg-Q


The last sighting of Tom was in the woods evading capture by FBI and CIA agents.

Dr Teeth Reveals His True Self

For years people have been asking me, "Dr. Teeth what do you really look like?"  They don't seem to buy into the who Muppet thing and they have at times thought I was this guy.....


But I am not the man up above, although I can contort like him.

And there was this crazy old woman from Toledo who accused me of being this guy.....

And she even accused me of being her son.  But after sexting back and forth for a year she believed that this was not me.

So I decided to go on TV and reveal who my true self was, but just as I was set to go on air this happened....


So like the rest of America, I mourned and decided that to reveal myself on top of a national tragedy would only be something this family would do....


And so I kept writing and waiting.  There would come a time when the people of this country would no longer need a Dr. Teeth to shock them and make them laugh and comfort them during times of national tragedy like this one.....



So I sit here and write and wait.  But today I think I have waited long enough.  Today is the day I will reveal myself to the world, especially to my fans in Russia. 


Here  is the photo you have all been waiting for.......




















God Damnit am I fucking sexy.................


But its not really me.  I only have one guitar.  You'll just have to wait a bit longer for me to reveal the real Doctor Teeth.

Jerry Garcia's 70th Birthday

On Wednesday August 1st, Jerry Garcia would have been 70 years old.  Amazing that the hippies are all getting so old, and everyone from the 1960's for that matter.  They are all grey and some have passed.  But even though Jerry has been gone for 17 years, his memory and his legacy live on. Myself and many people are thankful for that.

Thanks to Archive.org there are thousands of concerts to enjoy.

http://archive.org/details/GratefulDead

We have youtube to watch concerts and video, etc. of Jerry and the Grateful Dead.

Like this copy of the final So Many Roads at Solider Field. I was in the fifth row that night right in front of Jerry. Amazing memory even though the show was not very good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sFyRQPraJ8&feature=related

I look at Jerry and it is impossible for me to see a "normal" human being.  He looks so unique and so specific.  He looks like a dream and he looks like a God, yet he looks so humble and plain.  I remember watching him walk on onto stage a bit hunched over and with a mere smirk on his face or a look of complete focus as he hooked himself up to his guitar and started warming up.  He would throw a smile to the other band members and start noodling the opening notes to the SHOW OPENER.  After that it was pure Jerry in action.

He really is the true definition of Icon. 

But as time moves on my memories of those shows I attended start to fade. I start to question the details that are starting to seem fuzzy. 

I can recall the feeling I got, but I cannot really feel that feeling anymore.  So much time has passed.

It was a magical time to be so young and feel so free and be at a Grateful Dead concert with thousands of others all vibing off the same energy, but that energy is gone. Those people have all grown up and moved on.  Sure some try and recreate or relive the "vibe" with other bands and other incarnations of the Dead, but if you felt the surge of electricty that existed during that bands tenure, you'd know that everything else fails in comparison.

I truly feel sorry for those Deadheads that came along after the Grateful Dead disbanded. They never got the chance to taste the raw energy and love that came from that band and that community.

There was only one Jerry and only one Grateful Dead, the band that he led even if reluctantly.

But I was there and I lived it, regardless of how fresh or crisp the memory is. I was on the bus and I will forever be Grateful to God for putting someone as magical and enchanting as Jerry Garcia on this planet, if even only for 53 years.  And having met a few of Jerry's friends over the years, I have gotten a deeper sense of who he was and what his loss meant to those who actually knew him.  He was larger than life to them too.

Hateful Hated Me

Ya know I gotta be honest.  I really don't think I had many enemies or people that didn't like me until I got clean from drugs!!  I have always suffered from depression and anxiety and therefore a certain amount of mental stability and eccentricites came with the person that is me.

But then I got clean and in many ways I have turned into a monster.  People in the program and my therapist have told me that I spent 17 years suppressing my emotions and now they are coming out like a Tsunami.  And with that wave I have found myself almost completely unable to handle it because I never developed the tools to do so.

Whenever life got to be too much I just got high.  When I was bored I got high.  Whenever I was whatever I just got high. 

So now I am clean and have been for about 2yrs and 7months and I sit and obsess over the fact that I have caused so many people to hate me since getting clean than I did when I was an active drug addict.


I thought when you got clean and turned your life around that people would recognize the changes you have made and applaud you. But what I have learned is that due to the pain and misery I have allowed myself to finally feel; I have in turn acted out and said and done mean and hateful and crazy things.

So now I have all of these people who hate me, won't talk to me, and are probably afraid of me.  And all this because I decided to stop using drugs.  Is this the real me?  Did the drugs just hide a cruel, mean, angry, jaded, angst ridden person?



My former sponsor said that he probably had more people to made amends to since getting clean than before he got clean.  I couldn't agree more.  But in my case I have created such damage that there are people who will live their entire lives not giving a fuck about my amends.  They won't care that I am clean.  They won't care that I am changing.  And why should they?

I have given them every reason to believe that I am dangerous, scary, mean, hateful. spiteful. and probably very unstable.

And what sucks is that no one truly understands how much I struggle and suffer every moment of every day.

No one understands and now I've made sure that no one cares.

So much for being clean.

Unattended Adult

So recently I went to the Lisle Library to update my blog.  I don't keep the internet at my house because I'd spend all day jerking myself off too...


So instead I go to the library and do my internet business.

As readers of my blog know I use pictures to help tell the story and sometimes these photo's can be offensive.  For example.....


Or overtly sexual and pornographic. For example......





So two ladies came up to me and asked me to log off the computer.  They pulled me aside and told me that some of the photo's I was looking up were not acceptable for the CHILDRENS SECTION of the library.  I was so embarrased.  Once I log on I tune out and wasn't even thinking about being in the children's section.  They told me they knew I wasn't watching porn or anything but that some parents had complained.

I turned red then white then red again.



They asked me if I had a child with me, to which I replied, "Of course not. When have you ever seen me here with a child?!"

They then referred to me as something that still resonates with shock and awe in my mind. A phrase that I had never heard before and was stunned that two librarians would call me such a name.

They told me that since I didn't have a child with me and I was in the childrens section of the library, then I was, "AN UNATTENDED ADULT"!!!!!

What the fuck is that?  An Unattended Adult. 

Did they just invent that phrase.  Do I need a child's guidance to go to the park, or to rent a kids movie or to enter the kids section of the library( btw- I sit in the kids section because their computers aren't littered with fat and smelly homeless adults pretending to use the computer to get out of the sun.)

Do I need to bring along a kid to go see a kid's movie now.

 NO ONE OVER THE AGE OF 6 WILL BE ADMITTED WITHOUT CHILD GUARDIAN



Fuck and I planned on seeing Madagascar 3 this weekend.  Does anyone have any kids I can rent because I am an Unattended Adult.

Creatures and Monsters I'd Like To FUCK

I know I'm strange but sometimes when I watch scary or odd movies there are characters in there I imagine myself having dirty sex with.  Here are just some of the oddities I'd love to screw.


Sure the girl is 12, but the devil is ageless making it completely legal.  And I'm pretty sure she'd let me do whatever the fuck I wanted.


Medusa. I could just lay back and CLOSE MY EYES and let her do the work.


Bride of Frankenstein. Not only does she look like she could be Pauly Walnuts mom, but I've always wanted to fuck a girl in Black and White.

These 3 look like a bloody good party.  And its like fucking modern art.


Again this girl may be underage, but since she's a zombie the laws don't apply. She'd probably be the last monster I'd fuck becuase I'm pretty sure she'd eat me. Never ask a zombie to start off with a blowjob.

And the Honorable Mention Goes To..........


What a fuckin' mess.  I'd do her just to say I did her. I'm sure I'd be gay after this.