Potrait of a Loser: Edition the First

There are only a few who can achieve the status of pure loser.  Here is a photo of one such loser.  First time I met him he had one of his eyebrows shaved off because he was drunk.  He is 30 and lives at home.  He only talks to girls under the age of 23 and has no awareness of common sense or respect.  I have called the Lincoln Park Zoo to have him caged, but they won't take him.  The governement refuses to acknowledge that he exists.  He has been compared to a cross between Loch Ness and the Yetti if they had a child.