Lights up on a speed dating circle. Joy and Eric sit facing each other, wearing nametags. Cindy sits off to the side with a microphone and a gong.
CINDY
Okay, speed daters, you’ll only have 30 seconds to get to know each other, so don’t be shy! When your hear this sound
(Cindy bangs the gong)
It’s time to move on. If only it were that easy in real life, am I right ladies?
(laughs at her own joke, a little too long, then sighs)
Oh, well. Let’s begin then. Ready? Set? Go!
(Cindy bangs the gong, confusing Eric, who gets up and exits)
JOY
(calling after him)
Oh, I don’t think that’s what she meant…
(Eric enters)
ERIC
That was the starting gong, evidently. I’m sorry, I’m not good at this at all. I’m just gonna leave.
JOY
(giggling)
No, it was totally confusing! Don’t worry about it, I’m nervous too. And none of us are good at this otherwise we wouldn’t be Speed Dating.
ERIC
Well, we probably have like 8 seconds left so I’m just gonna go.
JOY
Come one. Speed Dating is not that bad.
ERIC
No, I’m good at Speed Dating; I just don’t think you’re attractive.
JOY
Oh, well…uhm, do you have any passions?
ERIC
No!
(Cindy bangs gong)
CINDY
NEXT!
JOY
(to Erik)
Can I give you my phone number anyway?
Eric gets up and walks over and starts flirting with Cindy.
(enter GREG)
JOY
My name is Joy.
GREG
Shhhhh!
JOY
(confused) Uhm ok, but we only have like 30 seconds.
GREG
That’s cool. We don’t need to talk. I’m an artist and you don’t appear very artistic to me so let’s just wait for the gong silently.
(long uncomfortable pause for Joy, Greg is relaxed with his eye’s closed)
(Cindy sounds the Gong)
JOY
Uhm, it was nice to meet you.
GREG
Whatever.
JOY
Can I give you my phone number?
Greg gets up and walks over and starts flirting with Cindy.
(MIKE sits down)
JOY
Hi, my name is….
MIKE
I’m Mike, I don’t work, I travel, I shower only on Thursdays unless its raining, otherwise I take a walk. I have the government, I wanna move to Seattle and write poetry and I believe in multiple sex partners in order to recapture that free spirit of the 60’s. Yes, it’s true, I got fucked being born in 1986. I would have been such a great Hippie.
JOY
You sound very passionate. And a bit unkempt.
MIKE
You don’t appear to be a very free spirit.
JOY
No I’m very free. I swear to you.
MIKE
Let’s leave right now and go have sex in my VW bus.
JOY
Darn, you’re right I’m not a free spirit.
(Cindy bangs the gong)
MIKE
Peace out.
JOY
Uhm, can I give you my number?
MIKE
You’re sweet, but no.
Mike walks over to join Eric and Greg in flirting with Cindy.
Joy sits there looking beat. Notices that Eric, Greg, Mike and Cindy are all leaving together.
JOY
What the hell?
(Michelle is the woman sitting right next to Jamie)
MICHELLE
Cindy always does this.This is her Speed Dating gig. She promises to screw any guy who rejects the rest of us.
JOY
Then how are you expected to meet a guy?
MICHELLE
I’m not here to meet a guy. I’m here to meet a woman. The easily rejected are easier to hook up with.
Joy takes a moment to think. She looks Michelle up and down.
JOY
You wanna go back to my place?
MICHELLE
I thought you’d never ask!!!
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