Dr. Teeth: A Muppet Amongst Men

What a restless night for Dr. Teeth.  I spent part of my day on the phone with Stella Blue trying to get that train of love back on some sort of forward track, but my own mental disqualifications made my play very difficult.  Imagine Billy Crystal trying to convey to Meg Ryan his love right after a lobotomy and that's how it felt. I felt like the town drunkard in an old black and white film.

The entire day was like a slow motion nightmare to which I couldn't awake.  My own mind was finally turning against me.  Moments of mental emptiness coupled with moments of dry heaving made for a fine Saturday.

There were upshots like receiving the photo's from Lex.  She is such a beautiful and amazing person.  She is the Smurfette in a kingdom of Smurfs.  She stands alone.  But even Lex and a pair of jumper cables couldn't get Dr. Teeth's brain working again.

Depression, uncertainty and loneliness make for strange bedfellows.  I feel like my mind is actually turning to melted butter, but this was no errant LSD trip, no not this time.  This is life how I know it.

And after a few hours of work, where I managed to come alive.  It was back home in the safe sanctity of my "hospital bed".  Where I lie, where I hide, where I moan, and where I'll probably die.

Late night gives itself over to sleep.  What a relief to sleep.  The only way to escape being awake.  But then those dreams begin.  The Using Dreams.

Using Dreams are common amongst addicts.  In these dreams we are using the drugs we shouldn't be in the waking world, and sometimes these dreams of using are great but sometimes they are nightmarish. In the beginning the dream would start the second after I took that first hit.  Now they mainly involve me purchasing  or being involved somewhere in the drug world.  But at some point no matter the style of the Using Dream, I will get high.  And within the dream I will realize that I have relapsed.

Usually these dreams will end in my waking up nervous as a man on a tightrope, only to realize that it was a dream and that I haven't lost my sobriety. It was only a ill-mannered dream meant to make me worry.

The part of the dream I like is waking up realizing I hadn't used though.  Its always a relief.

Dr. Teeth needs to find a hobby.  But more importantly he needs to have the mental capacity and ability to actually get out of bed and do it.  So far he's struck out........