New Medicine or Old Stress? The Puke Diary

Twas only a two weeks ago when I embarked on a new regiment of medication in the hopes of relieving major stress, deep depression, and bad thoughts. But medication cannot work effectively if the stressors are piled on more and more.  There needs to be some time to give the medication a chance to work, but alas I have added a lot of work related stress to my life lately and it is taking a toll.

Shit jobs that are way beneath you will never do much for your self esteem or ego, and my current, soon to be former, job is taking a toll on me.  I get it: its time to leave, but do I have to leave wounded.  Do I have to spend my final days there dry heaving before each shift? Or is the new medication that is making me dry heave?

Maybe no one cares about my dilemma, but I do.  Thats what Blogs are for. 

There is a saying that says, "let go...let God", well thats all well and good if my God would give me some fucking satisfaction.  But demanding satisfaction is an obvious lack of working the 3rd Step in my 12 Step Process.

I have to give my will over to God.  I just don't always want to. I want to punch people in the face, slash their tires and fuck their mothers. I want to drop a vial of LSD into the food and watch everyone get weird.

Whatever is going on it needs to stop.  I cannot keep carrying stress around like its a bodypart.  I can't keep feeding it  or else it'll turn into a bigger monster than it really is.


And if I don't stop stressing over everything I'll never be able to marry her...