Sunday, January 8, 2012

Hearts of Darkness

We all have a dark side. 

We go about our day smiling at strangers and talking with friends and family trying our best not to reveal our dark side. We may see glimpses of it in arguments and fights, but that is only the surface of the dark side which many of us have.  What I am referring to is the part that we mainly keep to ourselves; the part that seeks revenge and death on those who have wronged us.  That part of us that wants to kill Casey Anthony or OJ Simpson for getting away with murder, but also that part of us that wants to run the asshole off the road who has just cut us off in traffic.

Some of us have a darker side than others. Some refuse to look at their dark side, while others live in it.  We lie, we cheat, we steal and sometimes we kill.  Or at the very least we wish death on people.

But how do we control that side?  How do we hide it from others, or better yet how do we hide it from ourselves.  I guess you'd have to ask each person. 

For me there is a part that contains unconditional love and laughter, but there also lingers this "dark passenger" that wants to kill.  Wants to watch those who have wronged me suffer.

This is probably why I am so drawn to shows like Dexter and anti-hero's like Dexter, Tony Soprano, Vic Mackey and all the other sociopaths who lie, cheat and murder their way through life.

Dexter lives by a code that only guilty people will die by his hand, and his measure of guilt is if a person has murdered someone else.  But aren't there people who haven't killed others who are deserving of the same fate?

My dark side will tell you that you don't have to be a killer to deserve death.  My dark side will say alot of things to help me revel in angry emptiness.  My dark side is scary because its speaks to me in my own voice and uses my own logic to convince me of what I should not be convinced of.

Am I crazy? Am I unstable, or am I just honest.  Life is not all bubble letters and cotton candy.

Life is the light and the dark.  The sun and the moon.  Life is whatever voice we are listening to at that moment.  We just hope that we never allow ourselves to wallow to far into the deep end of the dark side.

Vengance and hatred will eat you up.  If you look closely at me, you'll see bits of flesh that have been gnawed and clawed from my body. And sometimes that smile you see, hides very dangerous thoughts.