The Return of Tibor

Just when everything in my life seems to have hit the skids once again, my adopted son Tibor is back in town.  I have tried with all my wits to be the foster parent to him that I think I should be.  Tibor isn't interested in me being a parent.  He wants me to be a victim, a scapegoat, a tortured soul and his bitch.

I don't care that he's only 9 years old.  Which is really odd because he was 8 when I adopted him and first started telling you about him in 2006.  Tibor claims to have found a way to stall the aging process.  He considers it a Weapon of Mass Destruction of his own invention.

I am certain now that Tibor is not from Guam, or South Vietnam or wherever, nay he's from Space.  He is not human.

But of course when he said he was in town for the NATO conference how could I resist him a place to stay.  Tibor was wearing the same clothing he had on when I saw him last year, those being the rags of Bin Laden, the terrorist Tibor claims he alone killed.  Tibor also claims that Bin Laden had the biggest collection of Goat Porn he's ever seen.

And during his first night with me, he again was caught trying to boil my cats in a pot of Wesson and Beef Bullion.  Tibor uses a stun gun on the cats rendering them still.  When I tried to stop Tibor he tossed the scalding hot oil in my face.  I know he felt bad since he drove me to the hospital.

When we returned.  I noticed that Tibor had stolen a trunk-load of medical supplies.  He told me to keep my fucking mouth shut.  I am so scared of him.

He says Phase 2 of his plan is about to begin during the election in november.  I have reached out to Obama and Romney's campaigns to warn them about Tibor.  They both laughed that they would be in any danger from a 9 Year old.

I told them they don't know Tibor.  They told me the CIA has been tracking Tibor for the last 20 years.

The math just doesn't add up.

TO BE CONT............

The Stomach Demon Returns

  Friday night I managed to eat half a sandwhich.  Haven't been hungry lately.  Emotional oddities and mind altering medications are the likely culprits.  As I forced myself to eat something I watched Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence.  Now all I want to say about this film is that I am not into censorship, but this should be banned.  It was filthy, offensive and disgusting.  My cousin warned my I'd have nightmares bad enough to mess my sheets.  I laughed it off. I have seen live video's of people getting their heads cut off, and this was only fiction.

Strange thing is 5:30 in the morning and I slowly awake to racing thoughts in my brain. Now I don't know how it works for you, but before I am about to get sick my mind starts racing with abstract thoughts moving a mile a moment.  I started to squirm a bit when suddenly I realized, "I'm gonna be sick"!!

I ran to the bathroom but nothing happened.  I stood there feeling like someone was ringing out my insides.  I started to sweat and I started to pant but nothing happened.  And being the OCD moron I am, I immediately updated my Facebook status to reflect my sudden illness and how I blamed Human Centipede 2.  But the real culprit was either a newly aquired bug, not to be confused with a centipede, or the Subway sandwhich I ate. 

My stomach felt like it was on a death march, yet nothing happened.  I immediately took two Alka Seltzer's, three Tums, and drank a cup of Peppermint Tea.  Nothing was working.  And of course when I tried to lie back down my cats kept trying to sit on my stomach.  One cat was almost thrown into the box fan I turned on I was so aggrivated.

I soon realized that I was again possessed by my Stomach Demon.  The one that makes me feel sick as hell but nothing happens.  No vomit, no Upset Stomach; just pain.  And what pain it was.

I managed to fall back asleep.  I needed to be up by noon for a coffee date I had made.  At 11:00 I awoke to find myself freezing and still in pain.  I grabbed the cat that almost got sliced in the box fan and cuddled with him under four blankets while I texted my friend with one eye open to cancel.

In my mind I kept hearing, "The power of Christ compels you!!!!"  I decided even if I was cancelling my coffee date, I was still getting my morning cup of Joe.  So I stood up and Demons be damned I put on as many layers of warm clothing as I could.  I looked like a hamper when I was done. 

I texted my friend back and told her I'd crawl my way to Starbucks since we already made plans and were looking forward to them.  I knew I could survive!  I spent the week being depressed and now I was sick.  I was damned if I was going to be stopped.

So I went, and we met.  And I shivered while we chatted about life and other redundancies. 

Ultimately, it was a good time, but I have been battling my stomach demon ever since. 

Now that I have succesfully unpossessed myself I can go back to just being depressed.

Yay me!!!!!!

BUILT TO LAST- Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia

There are times when you can beckon
There are times when you must call
You can shake a lot of wrecking
But you can't take it all
There are times when I can help you out
And times when you must fall
There are times when you must live in doubt
And I can't help at all

Three blue stars set on the hill
Say no more now just be still
All these trials soon be past
Show me something built to last

Wind held by the collar
Yes a cloud held by the breeze
You can walk on coals of fire
But sometimes you must freeze
There are times when you offend me
And I do the same to you
If we can't or won't forget it
I guess we could be through

Two blue stars set on the hill
Call it back you never will
If the sky now sinking fast
Show me something built to last
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/grateful-dead-built-to-last-lyrics.html ]
Built to last till time itself falls tumbling from the wall
Built to last till sunshine fails and darkness moves on all
Built to last while years roll past like cloudscapes in the sky
Show me something built to last or someone built to try

You might get hit upon
There are times when you must give
There are times when you can barely part
With what you need to live
Don't save your breath to waste your face
When you have done your best
Tell them all forget it
Fate will decide the rest

All the stars are gone but one
Morning breaks here comes the sun
Through the sky now sinking fast
Show me something built to last

Three blue stars rise on the hill
Say no more now just be still
All these trials soon be past
Show me something built to last

Two blue stars set on the hill
Say no more now just still
In the night now in the past
Show me something built to last

All the stars are gone but one
Morning breaks here comes the sun
Through the sky now sinking fast
Show me something built to last

LAND OF THE DEAD: REVIEW

LAND OF THE DEAD (2005)

Director:

George A. Romero

Stars:

John Leguizamo, Asia Argento ,Simon Baker and Dennis Hopper

It has taken 20 years for Romero to finally make a new Zombie film, not that he didn’t have something to say, but that no one was offering him financing.  Finally, Universal Pictures came forth and gave Romero the financing he needed to get his long awaited fourth zombie movie off the ground.  This would mark the first time a Romero zombie film would be financed with a major film corporation and that meant that Romero, long an independent rebel, would have to compromise and work under the umbrella of a company with demands. 

The result is a sleek looking and the biggest budgeted Romero zombie film ever.  But he had to cast some recognizable names such as Dennis Hopper, John Leguizamo, and Simon Baker to help draw in an audience.  Using known actors immediately tosses out the realism of Romero’s work.  In the past, the unknown casts have helped to create an “anybody” feel to the movie as if it was really happening to normal, everyday folk.  Now we feel like we are getting the Big Screen version of a real world event.

Land of the Dead also marks a sad departure of Tom Savini as Make -up FX creator.  The reasons for Romero and Savini’s separation is not known publically, but without Savini, Romero starts to rely on Computer Animation, something I despise and abhor.  Romero has gone on to say that Computer FX are easier and less time consuming, but he sacrifices a great deal of realism for this.

Land of the Dead takes place within a walled up city surrounded on three sides by water.  This is the perfect place to live while only having to protect one potential weak spot.  Simon Baker and John Leguizamo star as two men who work for Dennis Hopper, here a complete reversal from the Easy Rider days where he fought the Man and now has become the Man.  Hopper is in charge of the city and lives in a skyscraper with many other wealthy tenants.  Funny how money, power and glamour even plays a part in the world at this point with all that is happening, but Romero is creating a Have and Have Not situation.

Baker ‘s character Riley wants to leave the city and Leguizamo’s character Cholo feels he has earned himself a place in that tall tower to live like a king.  Both men decide this is their last trip out to fetch things, but during their trek they seem to “wake up” the zombies who are all just hanging around doing nothing.  The main zombie is referred to in credits as Big Daddy, and thankfully never in the film.  Bid Daddy represents a continuation of the Bub character from Day of the Dead.  Big Daddy has feelings, seems to remember parts of his previous life and soon leads a group of zombies on a journey toward the city.

The performances in this film are competent, but the story itself has a sort of déjà vu feeling to it.  Romero doesn’t seem to be covering any new ground.   The zombie make up isn’t as good as previous outings, and the zombies all seem to be a bit too human in their actions.  I miss the dazed and confused look they use to have.

This film has lots of gore, which was toned down for the theatrical release, but put back for the DVD release. 

Romero has changed in 20 years, as most people will, and Land is not a bad movie, it’s just we don’t get that commentary that we got from the previous three films, and when Romero is trying to say something he is less subtle about his messages and more in your face as if he doesn’t trust his audience to read between the lines.  This isn’t a film about ego, or gender roles or infighting, it’s basically just a horror film to entertain, and it does entertain.

Sadly, Romero would follow this up with two more zombie films, Diary of the Dead and Survival of the Dead, two movies which would prove that the creator and master of the zombie genre had lost his way.

GRADE: B

STONE; Robert DeNiro Review

STONE (2010)

Director:

John Curran

Writer:

Angus MacLachlan

Stars:

Edward Norton, Milla Jovovich and Robert De Niro

Stone is the movie of two men on opposite sides of the law and their journey toward redemption and moral bankruptcy.  Edward Norton plays Gerald “Stone” Creeson, up for parole 8 years into a 10-15 year sentence for accessory to murder and arson involving his grandparents.  Robert DeNiro plays Jack Mabry, the Parole Officer who is responsible for seeing if Stone deserves to be paroled.

The first scene in the film takes place during the late 1960’s, and shows a younger Mabry sitting in front of a TV watching golf and drinking.  His wife, Madylyn enters the room and musters the strength to tell Jack she has had it with him.  Jack runs upstairs and holds their daughter out of a window and threatens to drop her if Madylyn ever thinks of leaving him again.  This scene serves to show the audience that Jack has demons and it was probably at this moment when he lost his way.

Now in present day Stone is marched into Mabry’s office, hair in corn rows and speaking with a scratchy southern “wigger” accent.  Norton does a great job of embodying this character.  Their first meeting is one of annoyance and frustration.  Jack is close to retirement and is just seeing his current cases through, while Stone is tired of having to keep talking about his crimes and such again and again in order to just be denied parole.  Mabry makes it known that he is the only “door” that Stone may walk through.  So the two men go about having conversations that seem more like therapy sessions than interviews.

Milla Jovovich plays Lucetta Creeson, Stone’s wife of nine years.  She is innocent yet has a dark side which Milla skillfully plays.  Stone puts her up to getting a hold of Jack and trying to “convince” him that he should be paroled.  She immediately sets out to do this, using her sweet tone and understated sexuality. Mabry , at first, resists her but soon finds himself meeting with her privately and ultimately engaging in an affair.

During this game of cat and mouse, Stone starts to have an epiphany about God, about life and about his crimes.  He starts reading up and soon begins to evolve spiritually.  This evolution plays against Jack’s moral decline as he cheats on his wife and continues to ignore her more and more. 

The whole film is set in the Bible Belt and throughout the film there is religious radio call in chatter used as a sort of random narration.   At one point Jack sits with the Pastor and tells him he should just shoot him.  Jack is unhappy and always has been, but lately he is starting to feel like his actions, his retirement and Stone are making him feel cornered.

So the film creates the spiritual evolution of a criminal while it shows the spiritual decline and moral bankruptcy of the non-criminal.  And although Stone may have used his wife to help secure his release, his desire changes as his spiritual growth does.  This change leaves Jack suspicious and Lucetta confused.

Stone gets his parole and Jack retires, but is so lost and confused that he drunkenly hits on his female replacement and when she politely refuses he calls her a cunt.  Jack leaves the bar where his retirement celebration is happening and he finds Stone.  Jack puts a gun up to Stone’s jaw, but Stone says, “You won’t do it.”  Jack wants to, and the scene shows just how far gone Jack is, but Jack doesn’t do it. He goes back home.

Once back home Jack is awaken in the middle of the night to a fire consuming his home.  He wakes up his wife and the two take refuge outside.  Jack believes that Stone did this, but Madylyn claims it was an act of God, but the suggestion her is that she’s had enough and she set the fire as a way to free herself from Jack and his isolating of her soul.

The film ends with Stone a changed man as is Madylyn a changed woman, but Jack and Lucetta both seem alone and lost.  The direct connotation here is that Stone and Madylyn believe in God and have faith whereas Jack and Lucetta do not and are lost souls.

The advertising for this film called it a taught thriller, and cat and mouse game, which it is not.  Stone is not really playing Jack for a fool as is suggested by other film synopsis of STONE.  He may have started out that way, but the film quickly isn’t about that, it’s truly about discovering God and that if you believe then you will be saved.  The film is slow, and there is almost zero tension, but the three stars give fine if not restrained performances.  The message here is not even remotely subtle and the film suffers a bit because of that.  Part of the problem with Stone, just like with DeNiro’s 2009 film “Everybody’s Fine” is that the two films are advertised as being a type of movie they are not.  Regardless of that Stone is a somewhat interesting character study about two men heading in different directions spiritually.

GRADE: B-

REJECTION: Sympathy for the Devil

re·jec·tion  (r-jkshn)

n.

1. The act of rejecting or the state of being rejected.

 

We all know it sucks to be rejected, especially when we dig deep down and realize that aren't responsible for the rejection. But of course there are always two sides to everything so we probably are somehow responsible.

 

But regardless, rejection hurts.  It hurts bad.  It even hurts when we're rejected by someone we rejected ourselves.  It burrows itself into the depths of our self esteem and makes us feel worthless as well as question why we're worthless.

 

Suddenly our entire self worth gets put into the controlling hands of the person or person's who rejected us.  We get so wrapped up in feeling rejected that we don't stop to think that maybe it's not us who has been judged, but the person doing the judging who has something going on in their lives that we project on ourselves.

 

When someone doesn't talk to us we ask, "what did I do?", but in fact it may be something going on within their lives that has taken them from talking to us.

 

And if someone does indeed reject us; its not immediately US who are the problem, but maybe the person who rejects us is the problem.  Maybe their own insecurities or judgemental attitudes are at fault.  We may be accepted!

 

The thing to remember is not to get wrapped up in someone's rejection of us.  Does their opinion define us?  Does their opinion really matter if they are judging us?  The only person who shall judge me besides judges and juries is my HIGHER POWER.

 

My entire self worth is not defined by one person, no  matter how much it hurts to be rejected by them. 

 

I won't give them that much power.  They do not deserve that much power.

 

 

 

The Aging of Bob Weir

I've been Youtubing video's of Bob Weir lately.  He has done a bunch of solo touring this last year and it invokes so many emotions in me.

First of all there is Bob's look.  He is bearded, which he has mainly been since Jerry died, and his hair is a bit fuzzier and bushier, also fully grey.  In his old age, Bob looks more like Jerry now than ever. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVNzfWCek8c&feature=related

Bob's movements are much slower than in the old days.  His singing voice starting to fade, even if his guitar playing remains like that of the days of old.  In his quieter vocal range there is so much more emotion.

He plays like a man left alone, trying to continue to tell the stories he has been telling since 1965, although many of his friends and co-musicians are now absent leaving him to carry that weight and carry on the tunes.



And although most of the members of the Grateful Dead are still living, there is a ghostly presence to Bob Weir on stage alone.  There seems to be the feeling of ghosts present, and not only the ghost of Jerry, but of an era long gone, children grown, and summer disolving into certain final winter.

Bob's onstage performance has left behind the showmanship he used to physically show, but instead he carry's it all in his facial expression and vocality. 

And while I am not suggesting that Bob has lost the magic, I am implying that he is no longer the Bob Weir we remember.  It's as if he suddenly aged while we were busy remembering him dancing on stage to the final moments of, ...sunshine daydream".

And as I listen to Bob sing, I look into the mirror wondering where my own youth has gone.  Hair greying, waistline expanding ever so slightly.  More and more I talk of the old days of my youth to uninterested kids who dismiss me as being old. I let them have their ignorance knowing that one day they themselves will be standing in my shoes, older and heavier, but hopefully with intelligence, families, and success.

Tomorrow, April 19th, 2012 I will be attending a concert event bringing us back to a Grateful Dead show from July 18th, 1989.  My birthday is July 17th so this makes it extra exciting for me.  But going back 23 years and realizing its been 23 years is amazing.



On stage will be all the Grateful Dead, even Jerry and Brent and for three hours I will be able to relive younger more innocent days. And Bob will look like the Bob I always envision in my mind. 

As Jerry once said in the early 70's when he was barely 30, "...we're old and in the way". 

My version is, "....we're old and getting grey" but every silver lining has a touch of grey!!!!  But we will get by. We will survive.

And we have.

Violating The Patriot Act Which Violates Me!

So the library reports that the Patriot Act forces them to divulge what I check out and what I search for on the internet and that they are not allowed to tell me when or if they've been asked.

If I check out a book that red flags me, shouldn't the library be banned from carrying that book? Should that book not be burned?  Hmm sounds like Nazi behavior to me.

If I check out subversive internet sites, should the sites not already be blocked, or should the internet be taken down? Hmm, sounds like Nazi behavior to me.

George Bush really did it this time, creating an ACT that allows the government to spy on me and probe my privacy. 

Well OK, so a whole bunch of government people voted YES without even reading it.
Well OK, so we let 911 turn us into a bunch of obsessively scared citizens.
Well OK, its no problem to spy on me as long as you can rest assured I am not Bin Laden.

And boy how our country has fallen apart since 911 and the Bush Dictatorship of 8 years. And how it gets even worse with Obama driving a car without a license.

I know it sounds messed up, but sometimes I think the lucky ones are those who died on 911.  Or at least anyone who died before.

What have we become?
Where are we going?
What will we be when we get there?

The Three Stooges: A MASSACRE in 3 Chapters

I know, your first question is did I really expect this movie to be good and the answer is, "NO", but I didn't expect it to be as bad as it was, mainly due to poor choices and missed opportunities.

The film is told in three, 25 minute shorts, like real Stooges films were. Each section has its own Title Card and name of that chapter. 

This was the first missed opportunity. Why not use the real title cards and the actual music from the original Three Stooges Shorts?

The first twenty minutes of the film features the Stooges as children? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!  When did the Stooges ever do a film as kids?  This ain't the fucking Little Rascals assholes.


Halfway through the movie there is an extended gag scene featuring the stooges changing babies diapers and having a "gun fight" with the PEEING BABIES.  Yep, thats right, the gag consists of babies pissing all over the place and the Stooges getting soaked over and over.  I love how a kids movie has an extended GOLDEN SHOWER FETISH SCENE!!!! 

Oh, don't let me forget AN AMAZINGLY HUGE GAP IN THOUGHT....

If the film takes place in present day, then why would the Stooges dress and talk like its 1934????  This aspect of the film makes absolutely no sense, and the lazy screenwriters and directors couldn't be bothered to give a fuck.  This lapse in judgement bothered me most in an already broken and uninspired piece of shit film.


And then at the end of the second chapter, Larry and Curly leave Moe after one of those Academy Award emotional moments.  First, what we like about the Stooges is that there is no corny drama with Curly almost crying, and second, going into the 3rd chapter of the film, the Stooges are separated.

In all the Shorts they ever made, the Stooges were always a trio, from beginning to end, and were never separated. But in this film they are separated for almost 20 minutes.

And when we finally get the final scene of the Stooges at a High Society party, there are two huge things missing. First, there is no subtext to the fact that you have three morons who don't fit into High Society.  The Stooge films were always great at showing how these regular guys didn't fit in, but somehow made everyone else look foolish.

And the biggest missed opportunity of the whole movie.......NO PIE FIGHT!!!!

How do you make a Three Stooges movie without a pie fight?  Did anyone involved with making this film ever actually see a Three Stooges film?

And two seconds after the movie fades out it fades back in with two buys pretending to be the Farrelly Brothers who proceed to spend the next two minutes warning us that the film is fake and the violence is fake and that kids shouldn't try this at home.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK????  When I was a kid and watched the Stooges, I never once thought of slamming a hammer over my friends head. I never once "eye poked" a friend. I never needed to be warned. I wasn't that fucking stupid.

Its like watching Tom and Jerry and needing to be reminding not to shove large sticks of dynamite down my cats throat. 

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS.

1.  After the Title Card, "25 Years Later", only the Stooges age.  None of the Nuns who watch over the orphans have aged a second let alone 25 years.

2. Larry David as a Nun.  Was there something I missed? He is as annoying as hell in this film.

3. Jane Lynch.  Here's proof that even you can sometimes suck really bad.

4. Jennifer Hudson.  "Token Black Character" who sings for no other reason than its Jennifer Hudson. They didn't hire her for her acting talents so lets force a scene where she can sing.

5.  The cast of the Jersey Shore.  I swear they are proof that the Taliban exists in America.  I would love to put them in a plane and fly them into a fucking building.

If you feel the need to see this shit then go prepared....

1 can of gasoline

2 matches

after beginning credits, douse and light.



It'll be more fun burning to death that suffering through this "film".

End of rant.........

The $80 Dollar: AKA You Want Coke With That

Anyone who has read my Autobiography, " Mien Cough: The Saga of Sage Advice From An Unbalanced Muppet", with a foreward by Lenny Bruce knows more about my drug history than I ever intended.  I didn't have final approval for my book, thank you Random House, and they ended up putting in a bunch of extra shit in there that never really happened.  I shot heroin with Corey Haim nor Corey Feldman assholes!!!!

Its common knowledge that while writing for DYNAMITE Magazine during the 70's, I got in with the Grateful Dead trying desperately to get them on the cover.

I had just broken up with Lorene Yarnell (pictured right) of Shields and Yarnell when I realized that it was actually Shields that I had been fucking.  I've slept with so many people in my day I am sure a guy or two has gotten by me.

The Dead were playing the Nassau Colusieum one night and were in the middle of Eyes of the World when I noticed that a dollar bill had fallen out of the pocket of one of the roadies.

I thought to myself, "a dollar is a dollar", so I picked it up and put it under my hat.  The following day I was back at Jim Henson's Workshop rehearsing with my band The Electric Mayhem..

I was rehearsing a cover of James Taylor's, Fire and Rain when Animal came over to me and handed me the dollar bill. I guess it had fallen out of my hat.  Animal kept nodding his approval to me and suggested we go in to the bathroom for a band meeting, without the rest of the band.

We did and Animal unfolded the dollar to reveal a pile of white powder! "COooooo-caaaaainnneee!!!!!!", he growled as he pulled a short straw out of his back pocket and immediately took to snorting some.

Now Kermit had been doing this shit for years, and I realized long ago he was addicted.  Fucking Elton John was never allowed back stage again.  It explains why Kermit is so skinny. 


I decided to pass up the opportunity. Of course Animal had no complaints about that.  He tossed the straw aside and just dove his face into the pile. Then we went back to jamming.



Too this day I've never done Cocaine, that is until I realized what Crack was.

The Next Chapter

New Job, New Woman, New Outlook......

This is how life goes when its going great!! Challenges and rewards.

Don't take it all so seriously, and treat others with love, especially yourself. 

Red Solo Cup I fill you up, proceed to party!!!!!!


And always have a good attorney on hand!!!!