Tuesday, September 18, 2012

WWE: Jesus vs Santa and Easter Bunny

In this corner weighing 116 lbs, the son of our Creator.....JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!

(Jesus Christ is a personal friend of Mel Gibson
and recently came back to Earth to visit Mel on
the set of his latest film.)

And in this corner weighing 186 lbs, the furriest and tallest bunny on earth......EASTER BUNNY!!!!!

(Unbenownst to the Easter Bunny, media whore
Barack Obama tried to crash his press conference.
The Easter Bunny ended up tossing the Pres. over
the railing.)

And finally in this corner, weighing 245 lbs and suffering end stage diabetes is.... SANTA CLAUS!!!



This is a winner takes all match.  No time limit.  No rules.

Jesus Christ comes out of the corner and immediately starts talking shit to Easter and Santa, "You bastards have taken away MY holidays and I'm gonna win them back."

Santa retorts, "More kids love me than you. To them Christmas is all about Santa and presents."

Easter Bunny chimes in, "And Easter is all about Easter eggs and candy!  Why bum people out with your death."

Jesus throws a chair, "But you two aren't even real.  You are made up!!!!"

Santa and Easter Bunny look at each other a moment then break out laughing! "Hawahahahahahahahahbabababaahahaahahaaa!!!!!!!!!"

Santa has Jesus in a headlock, "Oh and I suppose you really can walk on water my friend."


The Easter Bunny grabs Jesus from behind and holds him while Santa plunges a barbed wire wrapped piece of wood into his ribs.


Jesus is losing strength fast.

Santa, "No one wants to be bothered with your religous bullshit when they are opening Xbox 360's and Bratz Dolls on Christmas morning."

Santa cracks five of Jesus's ribs.

Jesus cries out, "Forgive them for they know not what they do!!!!"

Easter Bunny shoves a bunch of jelly beans in Jesus's mouth, "Shut the fuck up son of nothing!!"

Santa, "You are such a narcissist Jesus.  Everything is about you and your sacrifice.  No one cares!! They'd rather open gifts, chase easter eggs and gobble up goodies. Why don't you go take over Thanksgiving or Independence Day you buzz kill!!!!"

Santa and Easter Bunny begin repeatedly kicking Jesus in the ribs until Jesus stops moving.



The match is over.  SANTA and EASTER BUNNY have saved Christmas and Easter from JESUS CHRIST!!!!  The Crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!



The Easter Bunny and Santa give each other a hug.  But suddenly Santa stops and says, "Why should I only get one holiday when I can have two?"

Easter Bunny replies, "Why do you think you deserve two?  Look at how fat you are. Its clear you'll be dead in six months."

Santa, "There is only one way to settle this my furry little friend....."


"What an amazing night we've had at the Garden.  A bloodbath like no other.  A first in the history of the WWE.  This is Mean Jean Okerland.......goodnight!"