Dr Teeth Reveals His True Self

For years people have been asking me, "Dr. Teeth what do you really look like?"  They don't seem to buy into the who Muppet thing and they have at times thought I was this guy.....


But I am not the man up above, although I can contort like him.

And there was this crazy old woman from Toledo who accused me of being this guy.....

And she even accused me of being her son.  But after sexting back and forth for a year she believed that this was not me.

So I decided to go on TV and reveal who my true self was, but just as I was set to go on air this happened....


So like the rest of America, I mourned and decided that to reveal myself on top of a national tragedy would only be something this family would do....


And so I kept writing and waiting.  There would come a time when the people of this country would no longer need a Dr. Teeth to shock them and make them laugh and comfort them during times of national tragedy like this one.....



So I sit here and write and wait.  But today I think I have waited long enough.  Today is the day I will reveal myself to the world, especially to my fans in Russia. 


Here  is the photo you have all been waiting for.......




















God Damnit am I fucking sexy.................


But its not really me.  I only have one guitar.  You'll just have to wait a bit longer for me to reveal the real Doctor Teeth.

Jerry Garcia's 70th Birthday

On Wednesday August 1st, Jerry Garcia would have been 70 years old.  Amazing that the hippies are all getting so old, and everyone from the 1960's for that matter.  They are all grey and some have passed.  But even though Jerry has been gone for 17 years, his memory and his legacy live on. Myself and many people are thankful for that.

Thanks to Archive.org there are thousands of concerts to enjoy.

http://archive.org/details/GratefulDead

We have youtube to watch concerts and video, etc. of Jerry and the Grateful Dead.

Like this copy of the final So Many Roads at Solider Field. I was in the fifth row that night right in front of Jerry. Amazing memory even though the show was not very good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sFyRQPraJ8&feature=related

I look at Jerry and it is impossible for me to see a "normal" human being.  He looks so unique and so specific.  He looks like a dream and he looks like a God, yet he looks so humble and plain.  I remember watching him walk on onto stage a bit hunched over and with a mere smirk on his face or a look of complete focus as he hooked himself up to his guitar and started warming up.  He would throw a smile to the other band members and start noodling the opening notes to the SHOW OPENER.  After that it was pure Jerry in action.

He really is the true definition of Icon. 

But as time moves on my memories of those shows I attended start to fade. I start to question the details that are starting to seem fuzzy. 

I can recall the feeling I got, but I cannot really feel that feeling anymore.  So much time has passed.

It was a magical time to be so young and feel so free and be at a Grateful Dead concert with thousands of others all vibing off the same energy, but that energy is gone. Those people have all grown up and moved on.  Sure some try and recreate or relive the "vibe" with other bands and other incarnations of the Dead, but if you felt the surge of electricty that existed during that bands tenure, you'd know that everything else fails in comparison.

I truly feel sorry for those Deadheads that came along after the Grateful Dead disbanded. They never got the chance to taste the raw energy and love that came from that band and that community.

There was only one Jerry and only one Grateful Dead, the band that he led even if reluctantly.

But I was there and I lived it, regardless of how fresh or crisp the memory is. I was on the bus and I will forever be Grateful to God for putting someone as magical and enchanting as Jerry Garcia on this planet, if even only for 53 years.  And having met a few of Jerry's friends over the years, I have gotten a deeper sense of who he was and what his loss meant to those who actually knew him.  He was larger than life to them too.

Hateful Hated Me

Ya know I gotta be honest.  I really don't think I had many enemies or people that didn't like me until I got clean from drugs!!  I have always suffered from depression and anxiety and therefore a certain amount of mental stability and eccentricites came with the person that is me.

But then I got clean and in many ways I have turned into a monster.  People in the program and my therapist have told me that I spent 17 years suppressing my emotions and now they are coming out like a Tsunami.  And with that wave I have found myself almost completely unable to handle it because I never developed the tools to do so.

Whenever life got to be too much I just got high.  When I was bored I got high.  Whenever I was whatever I just got high. 

So now I am clean and have been for about 2yrs and 7months and I sit and obsess over the fact that I have caused so many people to hate me since getting clean than I did when I was an active drug addict.


I thought when you got clean and turned your life around that people would recognize the changes you have made and applaud you. But what I have learned is that due to the pain and misery I have allowed myself to finally feel; I have in turn acted out and said and done mean and hateful and crazy things.

So now I have all of these people who hate me, won't talk to me, and are probably afraid of me.  And all this because I decided to stop using drugs.  Is this the real me?  Did the drugs just hide a cruel, mean, angry, jaded, angst ridden person?



My former sponsor said that he probably had more people to made amends to since getting clean than before he got clean.  I couldn't agree more.  But in my case I have created such damage that there are people who will live their entire lives not giving a fuck about my amends.  They won't care that I am clean.  They won't care that I am changing.  And why should they?

I have given them every reason to believe that I am dangerous, scary, mean, hateful. spiteful. and probably very unstable.

And what sucks is that no one truly understands how much I struggle and suffer every moment of every day.

No one understands and now I've made sure that no one cares.

So much for being clean.

Unattended Adult

So recently I went to the Lisle Library to update my blog.  I don't keep the internet at my house because I'd spend all day jerking myself off too...


So instead I go to the library and do my internet business.

As readers of my blog know I use pictures to help tell the story and sometimes these photo's can be offensive.  For example.....


Or overtly sexual and pornographic. For example......





So two ladies came up to me and asked me to log off the computer.  They pulled me aside and told me that some of the photo's I was looking up were not acceptable for the CHILDRENS SECTION of the library.  I was so embarrased.  Once I log on I tune out and wasn't even thinking about being in the children's section.  They told me they knew I wasn't watching porn or anything but that some parents had complained.

I turned red then white then red again.



They asked me if I had a child with me, to which I replied, "Of course not. When have you ever seen me here with a child?!"

They then referred to me as something that still resonates with shock and awe in my mind. A phrase that I had never heard before and was stunned that two librarians would call me such a name.

They told me that since I didn't have a child with me and I was in the childrens section of the library, then I was, "AN UNATTENDED ADULT"!!!!!

What the fuck is that?  An Unattended Adult. 

Did they just invent that phrase.  Do I need a child's guidance to go to the park, or to rent a kids movie or to enter the kids section of the library( btw- I sit in the kids section because their computers aren't littered with fat and smelly homeless adults pretending to use the computer to get out of the sun.)

Do I need to bring along a kid to go see a kid's movie now.

 NO ONE OVER THE AGE OF 6 WILL BE ADMITTED WITHOUT CHILD GUARDIAN



Fuck and I planned on seeing Madagascar 3 this weekend.  Does anyone have any kids I can rent because I am an Unattended Adult.

Creatures and Monsters I'd Like To FUCK

I know I'm strange but sometimes when I watch scary or odd movies there are characters in there I imagine myself having dirty sex with.  Here are just some of the oddities I'd love to screw.


Sure the girl is 12, but the devil is ageless making it completely legal.  And I'm pretty sure she'd let me do whatever the fuck I wanted.


Medusa. I could just lay back and CLOSE MY EYES and let her do the work.


Bride of Frankenstein. Not only does she look like she could be Pauly Walnuts mom, but I've always wanted to fuck a girl in Black and White.

These 3 look like a bloody good party.  And its like fucking modern art.


Again this girl may be underage, but since she's a zombie the laws don't apply. She'd probably be the last monster I'd fuck becuase I'm pretty sure she'd eat me. Never ask a zombie to start off with a blowjob.

And the Honorable Mention Goes To..........


What a fuckin' mess.  I'd do her just to say I did her. I'm sure I'd be gay after this.

Facebook Fan Page

I have created a Facebook fan page for BLOGITABOUT IT.

Go here and click LIKE.

https://www.facebook.com/mobileprotection#!/pages/Blogitaboutit/443542452343755

Poor Me

Don't you hate it when people tell you that you're playing, "Poor Me."  And how does one play Poor Me anyway? What are the rules to Poor Me?  Do you need more than one player or can you play alone? Is Poor Me a card game or a board game?  And what are the age requirements to play, Poor Me?

Does Poor Me come with directions because if I'm going to play Poor Me, I want to do it right because I don't want some fucker to come along and accuse me of cheating.  Since I prefer video games, is there an XBox 360 version of Poor Me that I can buy? 

I wonder how long people have been playing Poor Me.  Is this a game that has been passed down through generatons or is it relatively new?  And does Poor Me have anything in common with Poor You.  Ohh poor you, you're always playing Poor Me. 

You're godamned right.  I am actually the high score holder on Frogger, Donkey Kong and Poor Me.  In fact I own one of the original arcade versions of Poor Me in my basement. I love to sit down there alone with my coffee and play Poor Me all day. 

You know what game I like to tell people who accuse me of playing Poor Me to play?  Fuck You.

Tom Cruise Goes On Vacation

BREAKING NEWS:  Tom Cruise was photographed leaving for vacation after spending time with daughter Suri.


Tom felt the need to get away after the collapse of his marriage with Katie Holmes.  Tom and his team are still investigating what went wrong with the marriage, which seemed to be fine until Katie unexpectedly filed for divorce.


This photo shows Katie during the marriage.  Tom and his team couldn't put her back together again and she regained control over her own brain.

Not to worry because Tom and his team of Scientologists are busy working on Tom's new Wife.



This is the suit that Tom and Katie had to wear when making love.  This is Scientology rule #256

There must also be an R2D2 looking chaperone in the room in case Tom malfunctions and tries to go GAY!!!!

Gay Porn Star and Sting look alike, Allen Wrench could not be reached for comment....

Suri Cruise Speaks to Planet Earth

 

People of Planet Earth I am SURI CRUISE....

I am leaving soon and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The Universe grows smaller every day -- and the threat of aggression by any group -- anywhere -- can no longer be tolerated.

There must be security for all -- or no one is secure... This does not mean giving up any freedom except the freedom to act irresponsibly.
...
Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves -- and hired policemen to enforce them.

We of the other planets have long accepted this principle. We have an organization for the mutual protection of all planets -- and for the complete elimination of aggression. A sort of United Nations on the Planetary level... The test of any such higher authority, of course, is the police force that supports it. For our policemen, we created a race of robots-- Their function is to patrol the planets -- in space ships like this one -- and preserve the peace. In matters of aggression we have given them absolute power over us.

At the first sign of violence they act automatically against the aggressor. And the penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk.

The result is that we live in peace, without arms or armies, secure in the knowledge that we are free from aggression and war -- free to pursue more profitable enterprises. We do not pretend to have achieved perfection -- but we do have a system -- and it works.

I came here to give you the facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet -- but if you threaten to extend your violence, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned- out cinder.

Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace. Or pursue your present course -- and face obliteration. We will be waiting for your answer. decision rests with you.

A Tribute to Michael Jackson

Heal the world.  Make it a better place.  For you and for me and the entire Human race. There are faces melting if you care enough for the faces.  Get a better plastic surgeon for you and me.

Condolences

So today is the 38th.  Just keep getting older and probably not much wiser.  But at least I don't look like this 38 year old.

Although I did smoke some great Opium with this guy once at a Grateful Dead show.

Birthdays serve to remind me of where I am in life. Its like Mapquest.  I am standing HERE.

We define our self worth by how many people acknowledge our birthdays and prop up our ego's by saying, "Happy Birthday. Hope its a great day."  Sometimes those sentiments sound equally as empty as, "My condolences" when someone dies.  And what the fuck does "my condolences" mean?  Its not like we have a cupboard full of condolences that we give away each time someone dies.

I usually like to giftwrap my condolences and include a gift receipt in case the condolence is the wrong size or color.  I go to the department store and ask the sales clerk, "Where are your condolences?" They must be somewhere between the greeting cards and the Clearance Bin.

Condolences sound like little desserts.  "Over here on the table we have some cannoli, butter cookies, and oh you just have to try my condolences.  They are amazing!"

Just for a laugh when I introduce my children I like to say, "These are my condolences."

If we really wanna fuck with someone's head on their birthday, tell 'em, "Happy birthday you have my condolences."

What if they say, "I offer you my condolences." You look around the room and say, "I got more condolences than I can carry right now. I'm gonna need a U-haul to get these fucking condolences back to the house."

And what if I don't want their condolences? What if you have too many condolences?  What the fuck am I gonna do with all these condolences?  I got enough mouths to feed already.  I got no more room in the closet. 

Then someone walks up to you and says, "I'd offer you my condolences but my wife got them in the divorce.  I'm just a little short right now, but I swear I'll get you next week."

And then your girlfriend walks up to you and says, "You have my condolences." Oh fuck I'm really in trouble now, but then you realize, "No I don't have your condolences I took penicillin."

The jokes on you. I give you your condolences back.  I don't want 'em. 

So what did I get for my birthday this year?  Condolences. 

Anti Abortion Photo's: A tribute to Midgets

The following are photo's the protestors should be carrying around......


Actually this is a photo from a Beach Boys Cover Band I was in back in 1988. I am the dude with the hair.



As the Beatles once said, "I just got Norweigan Wood..in my pants."


This is just fucked up. But the Anti Abortionists would get our attention.

Imagine if he'd have been aborted. He wouldn't be taking this awesome photo.



If she had been aborted she wouldn't be able to hang onto this PENCIL like she is.


Cuato from Total Recall could be the poster child for botched abortions.


All I am trying to say is that there are plenty of other photo's the Anti Abortion Protesters could use in their fight to make sure people like this are born.



And of course....


Punky Brewster!!!!!

Illinois Nazi's and Anti Abortion Protests

If there is one thing I hate more than Illinois Nazi's its the Anti Abortion protesters littering Cass Ave and Ogden Ave in Westmont today.  They are everywhere with all of their sickening large photo's of aborted babies.  Just take a look...

I don't mind the protesting but those fucking pictures are obscene even if they are true.  If I stood on the corner and held up a large photo like this one.........







I'd be arrested.  And I ask you which is worse visually, not theoretically.

Dr. Teeth Loses His Wisdom Teeth and His Self Respect

So a co-worker of mine is going under the knife to get his wisdom teeth pulled today and last night I had my first flashback.  I woke up sweaty and thinking I was in some Vietnamese Prison Camp with Abe Vigoda from The Barney Miller Show....


I couldn't shake the memory of those awful moments when I got my wisdom teeth pulled.

It was a hot summer day in 1999 and I was already reeling from two Xanax and the Valium the Vietnamese Dentist gave me. I was blindfolded and led into the operating room.


I had my headphones on and was listening to the Grateful Dead as I drifted off...

About two hours into the procedure I woke up!!!!  I vaguely remember the dentist asking me if I was all right. I looked over and saw what appeared to be a very sexy asian assistant.


She asked me, "Evwy-ting ok GI?"

I shook my head no. I could feel it in my bladder.  I had to pee and I had to pee now.  So the dentist and his assistant both took an arm and with the IV still hooked up they carried me down the hallway.  There was one slight problem.  The way the office was set up; the bathroom was outside the office.  So they led me into the janitor room.  There was a mop, a bucket and a sink coming out of the floor.

So this is how I was going to die.

I was in and out of consciousness.  But I regained it long enough to feel someone's hands on my beltbuckle and zipper. God I hoped it was the gorgeous assistant.


But I suddenly realized it was the Dentist HIMSELF!

I was almost to drugged to