Bob Weir/ Phil Lesh: Help Wanted

I just can't hold it in any longer....

Fuck you Bob Weir and fuck you Phil Lesh.

Seriously, when the fuck did these two former Grateful Dead members hold a , "Be The Next Jerry Garcia Contest"?????

I find it pathetic that they found some douche-bag from a Dead coverband to be the Jerry Garcia of their new band called, Furthur.  They should actually call themselves Lesser.

These guys have all gotten odd since Jerry died, proving that Jerry was the raft that kept them all afloat.  Billy was smart enough to basically retire while Mickey is smart enough to do his own thing, but Bob and Phil just have to keep playing those old songs, but now Phil ruins Garcia's songs with his dreadful voice, or they let this Garcia imitator take the reins...


Everytime I look at this John Denver looking asshole I can't help but think of Wheels from DeGrassi Jr. High.


Just becayuse John Kadlicek can play like Jerry doesn't mean he is anything like Jerry, nor should he be the main guy on stage.  Bob and Phil literally take a back seat to this asshole.

Its like Bob and Phil auditioned for a spot in a Grateful Dead cover band and were allowed to tag along.



This fucking "band" is starting to turn into the 3 Stooges in their later years, continuously filling in the "Curly" slot with whomever was fat and bald and available.

Bob is Moe and Phil is Larry.

It's bad enough they chose a Garcia wanna-be to helm their shit band, but its worse that they take a back seat to him. 

When did these guys decide they had become old and in the way?

And when Bob's drunken, ambiened ass fell over on stage recently, maybe it was a sign from Jerry that his friends had become morons.

And what's really sad is the Deadheads who just can't let go of an era thats been gone for almost 18 years.  IT'S OVER PEOPLE!!!!!  They go to shows in their tie-dyes and close their eyes and pretend that their at a Dead show from 1989 or whatever year they fantasize about.

I truly feel sorry for those who didn't have a chance to see the orginal band play. I was lucky, I saw Garcia 13 times, and even if he was on the decline, it was still him and the band.

Now its just a bar band covering Dead songs that just so happens to feature two of the members of the band their covering.

I think I'll go santize my ears by listening to an old Dead bootleg.  Even Jerry in his final months sounded better than this crap does.

Sorry guys, I am just not on board this time......

WEIR on the floor of the stage....

So the news broke out in the Deadhead community last night that Bob Weir had "collapsed" on stage during a concert. 

Here is the footage...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu7rugK4vJE&feature=share

Now I watched the footage then went to Wikipedia to look up the definition of "collapsed"...

1. To fall down or inward suddenly; cave in.

2. To break down suddenly in strength or health and thereby cease to function.

 

Bob techically collapsed if you want the story to sound scandalous and are trying to draw readers.  But in reality Bob fell down.  Now from reports of Bob's performance as well as Phil Lesh's claim that Bob hurt his shoulder would indicate that Bob fell down because of pain.

 

But Bob's inability to play and remember the words to song lyrics ala Jerry Garcia would indicate that Bob was on TOO MANY PAINKILLERS and/or drunk.

 

The fact that no one in the band stopped when Bob fell would indicate the band knew what was going on before it even happened.

 

After he fell, two Roadies came to his rescue and lifted him up and put him in a fold out chair, where Bob sat slumped over for the rest of the song.  After the song the band left the stage then returned without Bob.

 

 

 

Now you'll never convince me that Bob fell down and performed the way he did because his shoulder hurt.  Its nice too see that since Jerry has died, the band members have gotten good PR people to make up bullshit stories the way other celebrities do.

 

Bob was clearly under the influence of something. Painkillers is the popular vote.

 

But my point is that Bob didn't collapse; Bob fell.

 

But a headline that reads, "BOB WEIR FALLS ONSTAGE" doesn't sound as dramatic and we all know that.

In this photo Bob's quasi-retarded body language indicates someone who is HIGH.  Watch the video and see this footage play out. Bob doesn't seem hurt, he seems HIGH.

 

 

Hope your "shoulder" heals fast Bob......

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wally and the Beaver: Boston Terrorists

Well it was only a matter of time before these two bastard children of June and Ward Cleaver would strike at the heart of the USA, instilling fear and chaos amongst its citizens.


They are so innocent looking but look at some of the chaos they are responsible for....


They caused this wave back in 1997 that almost destroyed part of the East Coast.



They were also responsible for the destruction of the Death Star.

These two are considered armed and very dangerous. Police are on a "shoot to kill with extreme prejudice" order.

Hundreds of calls have been flooding in to FBI headquarters claiming that these two boys have been seen on TV dozens of times.



There is a group that is claiming the FBI is making up these terrorist activites to frame the Cleaver Boys. Recent evidence that points to this is the sudden death of Lumpy "Frank Bank" Rutherford.  No cause of death has been announced. 

My team of crack reporters have reached out to Godzilla for comment...

Godzilla, shown here with his fiancee standing next to the head of a creature he recently murdered commented, "Wah da fuck y'all keep on pesterin' me?  Wah da fuck do I have to do wit Wally and Beaver Cleaver, yo!!"

Continue to follow this blog for future reports on Wally and the Beav.

Ship My Pants: New World Order

So I was listening to MONICA on WGN radio this morning.  She is with the group  http://www.onemillionmoms.com/

And it seems she and her band of spandex wearing, frappuccino drinking, under sexed, bored housewives are taking exception with this KMART commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL4lSavSepc

For those of you too lazy to click on the link, the commercial is a double entendre using the phrase, "Ship my pants." as in, "I just shipped my pants."  If you don't get it then stop reading because you are a retard.

Monica is mad that KMart won't pull the ad, even though the ad is only airing in certain markets on certain stations, but if Monica didn't bitch and try to play Mommy-FCC then she'd actually have to raise her fucking children.

Her next attack comes at the end of this month when the FCC is going to decide whether or not to allow the word FUCK to air on cable and to allow FULL FRONTAL NUDITY in a non sexual way on Basic Cable.

Monica's quote about the non-sexual nudity is, "well porn is porn.", Seriously you southern accented fucking cunt?!?!!!!

Here is Porn...


And to be honest this is fucking hot!!!
This is non sexual nudity....


No way this is porn and my dick actually shriveled.


She said that if she went to Italy to see the statue of David, that she wouldn't bring her children because of David's penis.

I wonder if her children have to close their eyes when they pee.  I wonder if they are allowed to look at themselves in a mirror.


The problem I have with Monica and all these other useless bitches is they're bored.  They have nothing to do becuase the husband is off at work finger fucking he secretary while they sit at home and decide what wash-cloths to buy at Walmart.

They wanna regulate the world for children.  Well if children paid for anything then they'd have a right but since its adults who pay for everything, then shut the TV off and don't let your kids do anything except be brain-washed by the Bible.

Monica makes me sick.  She needs to get a job, or a real hobby and stop reporting every thing that happens on TV to the FCC.

This is a photo of Monica


Dr. Teeth emailed her today and if I get a response I will post it here.

What I love is that on her SUCCESSES page, she is claiming TV shows were cancelled dur to her vigilance when we all know in reality that those shows were cancelled due to AWFUL RATINGS.  One Million Useless Moms didn't get these shows removed. They even got an advertiser to stop advertising on GLEE, so obviously OMM's is anti-gay, homophobic and all around into censorship and dictatorship.

OMM's is under the AFA umbrella which has been classified as a HATE GROUP, so there you have it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Family_Association#One_Million_Moms.2FOne_Million_Dads_project

And in conclusion here is one more amazing piece of nudity for Monica....


Its just nudity Monica, not porn!!!!!

North Korea Has Let Us Down

North Korea you've let me down.  You threatened and threatened and you didn't do shit.  What an asshole you are.

Fuck, two little turds set off bombs in Boston this week setting up a worldwide terror scare and you did nothing.

Some doucebag sent ricin laced letters to a bunch of senators and the POTUS, and yet you did nothing.

North Korea!!!  Do we even have evidence that this place fucking exists. I don't think its real!



This cute young lady wants to say, "FUCK YOU NORTH KOREA!"

In other North Korea news, GODZILLA has decided to return to his native land of Tokyo citing that the North Koreans were never serious about his signing a contract and that all the speculation that he would joing the North Korean team was merely speculation.  My on the scene reporter met up with Godzilla and got this quote, "Yo man, this all bullshit.  I never was goin' work for da Koreans.  I jus' doin' my thang, and got swept up in the shi'.  Ain't nobody got time for dat.", to which my reporter replied, "Godzilla! When the fuck did you go black, and do you ever plan on going back."



Godzilla asked for privacy so he could spend time with this unnamed Japanese woman thought to be the mother of his child.

The North Korean's had no comment on the Godzilla situation other than to say, "We are just trying to rebuild.  Put a strong team out on the field, and hopefully burn America to the ground."

Calls to America were not returned.

Boston Scare-athon

Call me bitter, call me angry, call me cynical.

But when I head about a bomb or two going off at the Boston Marathon, I didn't register any concern or compassion.  I just thought to myself, "Ok, another act of random violence to hit America."

Random acts of cold blooded violence are becoming more normal and I am becoming more desensitized to them.  It all started with 911. I think I used all of my shock and awe on 911 and the days following.

Then I started getting irritated.  Not with the person or person's who did this, but with everyone else.
Immediately the facebook crowd all ran to facebook with their plastic and repetitive comments, "My prayers go out to the victims...." I swear I must have read that sentence like 100 times.

Then people started posting doctored photo's of candles with phrases like, "We are with you Boston.", or "Boston is in our hearts". Ugh, talk about taking advantage.  Who immediately starts doctoring photo's for thousands to upload, or copy off each other?

Then of course the POTUS gives a small speech promising that justice will be served. (I'm still waiting for justice to be served for the Saudi's who committed 911)

Then of course we get the slew of celebrity tweets, because its not a tragedy if Justin Timberlake and Allysa Milano haven't chimed in.

Then there is the media with their lies, assumptions and all around misguided comments becuase they have to fill the network air with non-stop talk even though real evidence and truth won't be known for days.

We never expect bad things to happen in America to American's.  Truth is it was going to happen one day, and after we continued to Tread on others and dictated their beliefs to them, and insulted their religions, what the fuck did we think was going to happen.

So I am sure Billy Joel is tuning up his piano and Bruce Springsteen is writing a quick song, or maybe the radio stations are playing more songs by the band Boston, but I'm sure every opportunist out there is working overtime to play this game.

And seriously that is what this has all become... a game.

Fuck Twitter
Fuck Facebook
Fuck the morons on the news
Fuck the empty prayers
Fuck the telethons
Fuck the presidents comments
Fuck the attitude that this doesn't happen to Americans.

And when we respond to it by having increased security around the country and have guard dogs sniffing my crotch at a train station, I know that the Taliban and Bin Laden continue to win! If not for 911 we wouldn't go into a panic everytime something happens.

Is the bombing horible? Of course.
Is it sad that lives are lost? Yes

But the American's robotic and well timed response to it all leaves me feeling like it's all just so insincere.

Well folks until the next national tragedy.....

North Korea We're Right Here

Damnit, shit!!!  I read a story on www.drudgereport.com today that North Korea has picked its nuclear victim from a list of finalists, including America.


Out in the first round is Margaret Thatcher's funeral. No suprise there.
Out in the second round was the midnight screening of Scary Movie 5.
Out in the third round was The United States of America.  WTF!! How the hell could we not be the top contender. I thought North Korea hated us almost as much as it hates South Korea, and the only reason it hates South Korea is because South Korea is close enough to throw eggs and insults at.

I am disappointed.  I placed a very large bet with my bookie that The US was going to win the Grand Prize. A Nuclear missle hasn't happened in this country since Full House got renewed for a second season.

So who won the Grand Prize Drawing.......fucking Japan.

Since Godzilla, left Tokyo to help out the North Korean's with a 5 year, $10 million contract, the North Korean's realized that Japan had now become an easier target.

Recent pictures of Godzilla sporting hips like a Kardashian made people wonder whether or not his was physically up to the task. Dr. Drew was invited Godzilla to appear on his revamped and rebooted Celebrity Monster Movie Fit Club.  So far, Godzilla's people have denied Dr. Drew has reached out to the Japanese Monster.

Kim Sung Badly was quoted as saying, "We going make bomb on Japan. Hurt people. Make death.", to which my in-the-field reported replied, "What the fuck did you just say!?"

So while The US continues to argue over healthcare and gun laws, it looks like Japan will be the lucky recipient of a Nuclear Missle that will never make it past the driveway of the place where it'll be launched.

How funny would it be if the missle failed so badly that North Korea bombed itself.

Horror or Porn: ADULT VERSION

Oh how I rue the day that SAW was ever made. And not really even SAW but SAW II and HOSTEL.

The new breed of horror film has awakened. 

These films think that torture and excessive gore are what scares audiences and seeing that we live in the internet world where we can watch 911 over and over, and watch captured people beheaded by the Taliban on Youtube, it's no wonder why the only thing that might scare audiences is torture, and extreme amounts of it.

Horror movies used to slowly build tension and a sense of unease, but today that just push that to the side so that they can torture a character and kill them.

Anyone with a half ounce of brains would realize that the SAW series defies even the most illogical of logic.  And HOSTEL, well it was a half assed movie better left forgotten.

I have coined a term for these new films and its GORN. Gore in the style of Porn.
Here's how it works....

Take a person, and torture them for 15 minutes....
Take a person and fuck them for 15 minutes....

Then finally kill them with an amazing death.
Then cum all over the girls face with an amazing cum shot.
/

Porn scene's have to end with the "money shot" or cum shot or you don't have a scene.
Torture movies have to end a scene with a gruesome death or you don't have a scene.

The sex in porn is the torture in horror.  The death is the cumshot.

Porn doesn't bother with logic or story or character development, but then again it doesn't have to and most people don't want it too. They wanna see a creepy looking guy fuck a pristine and young looking virgin.

Horror films have a responsibilty to have logic, and coherency and story and character development, but alas most of today's horror films cannot be bothered.

As long as you have Human Centipede 2, which I dub the Child Pornography of Horror Movies, who needs movies like Frankenstein, Exorcist or The Shining.



In Human Centipede 2, the Director, if you will, directs his "gang bang" of performers after he connects their mouths to the ass in front of them.  In porn, the director directs his performer to eat the pussy or the ass of the other performer. 

But Human Centipede 2 is a movie of such depravity it should be burned.

Well I am getting a bit redundant, but in the end, guys go to horror movies to "jerk off" to scene's of bloody torture claiming it was a great movie.

Those same guys jerk off to a porn movie and after the girl squirts (ie. blood), and the man cums (ie.blood) all over her face and mouth, the guy claims it was a great scene.

It's a shame what the American horror film has become; nothing but cheap porn without the nudity.

North Korea Here We Come

All Right, just like my favorite board game RISK, there seems to be another battle brewing...

North Korea, in conjunction with Class of Nuke 'Em High, coming to Blue Ray is threatening to unleash its fire crackers, uhm....., sorry I meant Nuclear Bombs on America.  I am so fucking ready for this.

I say send 'em over boys. 


Korean radio morning zoo host Kim Jung Goo has been calling America daily with prank phone calls which has only served to annoy the American government.  Phone calls to the White House asking, "Is your refridgerator running?" has really been keeping the politicians from their real work.



There have also been wide reports that Godzilla has been hired by North Korea, much to the dismay to the Japanese, too come to America and create havoc on American Soil.



Neither Godzilla nor Reps for Godzilla could be reached for comment.  But TMZ is reporting that Godzilla and an unnamed friend have booked tickets on Southwest for Florida.

Reporters asked President Obama about the immenent danger of an attack from North Korea on America, to which he replied, "Yo man I'm axing y'all to let a nigga do his job an' let me finish my basketball game."


The above photo shows the threatening stance that North Korea has taken with our President, going so far as to threatening to take their ball and go home.

With plans for three vacations this summer now being put on hold, Obama flew back to Chicago, attended a Bulls game, ate at Carsons, and is now holed up in his Hyde Park home waiting to find out if his VP is even human....


The White House has reached out to the Kardashians, and Doctor Drew for help, revealing how seriously this situation is getting.

Will summer 2013 be the Summer of Nuclear Rain?

Stay tuned.......

The BLOG The Government Doesn't Want You To Read

Everybody's got a cause. Why?  Because, because, because, because, because.....

OIL PRICES. MONSANTO FOOD.  GLUTEN.  HOUSING CRISIS.  WALL STREET.  TEA PARTY. REBPULICANS.  DEMOCRATS.  POLLUTION.  GLOBAL WARMING.....

If I listed all the causes, this blog would be longer and more boring than the Patriot Act.

The world, nay, America, is fucked up.  Really fucked up.  Probably more fucked up than its ever been.  Why is that?

Is it because greedy fucking Hippies from the 60's have sucked America dry?
Is it because our politicians are actually one single party that is sucking the American people dry?
Is it because we have become fat, lazy, gluttonous people in a I WANT IT NOW society?
Is it the Ipad, or Iphone, or Facebook, or Twitter, or High Speed Internet?

It's all of those things.

But here is some of the shit that makes me puke. The shit that makes my blood boil.  The shit that makes me wanna take a gun and not kill others, but kill myself...

1. 911- Oh poor us!  Look at the mass murder in dozens of other countries and we'd realize that 911 wasn 't so bad.

2. George Bush-  How this criminal, murderous, rapist dictator isn't sitting on Death Row will always confound me.  But remember Watergate back in the 70's?  It took millions of dollars to bring Nixon to "justice" only for Carter to come in and pardon him.  Yeah us presidents stick together.

3. Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan. (Mostly all bullshit military occupations that George Bush manufactured in response to a Saudi Arabian attack on our soil on 911.

4.  Iran, and North Korea! Are we gonna wait until they launch a nuke to actually do something about them.

5. Obama-care and the whole Obama presidency.  Whereas Bush was a criminal, Obama is just incompetent, but hey we put a niggar in the white house.

6. Modified foods and the over-medication of the American Public.  Make them sick, feed them drugs, and the FDA, the corrupt organization that "okay's" our food and drugs, get's richer, as do the drug companies.  Over 80% of America has altered brain function.

7. Protesters!! Your signs and your signatures aren't solving a god damned problem!

8. Wall Street.  The Financial Institutions and the Government in bed together to fleece and fuck over the American economy.  Problem is they've been doing it for years, only it took until 2008 for them to get caught with their pants down.

9.  Why live in a house when you can now live in an overpriced apartment.

10.  Food stamps, welfare, public health care, and all the other goverment funded programs that keep you sucking on their teet in order to live.  The goverment isn't empowering us, they are enslaving us.

11.  BiPolar, BiPolar 2, ADD, ADHD, Panic Disorder, Depression. More drugs please!!!

12.  Gluten, Asbergers, Autistic.  Remember in RainMan when Autism was this disorder that no one ever heard but now everyone seems to have.

13. People who make lists.

I gotta stop making this list; I'm getting sick.

Everything is fucked up.  This country is in the toilet.  THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. 

Dare I say that all of the freedom we have in this country is actually destroying us.  Your law gets in the way of my law.  You interpret the Constitution differently than I do.  My agenda inpedes your agenda.

WE HAVE TO MUCH FREEDOM.  But then we realize that we aren't free at all. 

We aren't a Democracy, we are a Dictatorship.  We aren't American's, we are guinea pigs and suckers, and self serving morons who can't pass a math test or read books.  We are a virus.  I used to think people in general were viruses, but NO, AMERICA is a virus.

We need to be stopped.  We need to be destroyed by an FDA approved Medication.

In some ways I hope that Iran and North Korea nuke our asses, while Russia, China and Saudi Arabia, land on our shores and put us all in cages.

We must be stopped. Luckily I am a muppet so the rules don't apply to me.

They tear me apart, and someone comes along and manufacture's me at an inflated price on the back of some some sweat shop worker getting paid 10 cents an hour, and taxed 15 cents an hour.

Its over people. I'll see you on the other side......