The Too Much Cummer

I have been watching the wonderful TV show, HUNG, about a female pimp and her male prostitute.  Early on in season one she asks him why he never called her back after they fucked one night.

His reply was, "You cum to much."

I laughed but then got to thinking, "Can a woman cum to much"?  And then I delved back into the short lived, but interesting relationship that I just got out of and answered, "Yeah, possibly".

Jane Adams plays the female pimp on the  show.


And what's funny is she resembles the woman I just dated.  And Jane's character's personality mirrors my ex's personality so much in that they are both women who are desperate to show they are strong and will not be pushed around.  The love making is another form of showing that desperation.

The woman I dated would quiver the moment your lips locked with hers, and I am not complaining, I wish other women had such responsiveness, but then it got to be a bit too much.  She would cling to me like a t-shirt that was three sizes too small for my body.  She'd wrestle her way closer to me, as if being inside of her wasn't close enough.  I know everyone says, "Oh god" and, "Oh fuck" when they are fucking and also, "oh (insert name here)", but she was non-stop with it.  And soon her voice and her body were quivering in syncopation and she'd rev up more and more until it started to sound like she was crying. 

It's at the moment of crying or sounding like crying where I found myself getting concerned.  I like getting a woman off, but I don't see where crying enters into it.  Now in her defense I never saw any actual tears, but all the same it seemed like she was crying.

So after we had finished our relationship and I watched HUNG, I chuckled when I realized the similarities between these two women and their tendency to "cum" to much. 

In the end, truthfully, a woman can never cum to much.  Its how they show their sexuality and I'd rather them be loud and clingy, then lay there as if they had died a week earlier.  That's the worst.
I dated someone like that before and the sex was awful. She had no responsiveness at all.  But I digress.

But I do gotta admit, crying or almost crying after sex sorta freaks me out.  But I'm sure I'll learn to deal.
God does she look like Kelly.

Christmas In My Back Pocket

Well it has arrived again.  Nothing any sane man can do about it.  Christmas.  What do love most about Christmas?  It marks the end of non stop holiday music, mad dashes to the stores for gifts and groceries, and the end of the "gimme gimme" attitude that possesses so many starting the day after Thanksgiving. 

It's also hard to deny the joy of watching little children getting so excited about the gifts that Santa brought them.  Its a magical time in their lives when they believe in magic, and have no clue as to who Santa really is and how hard he/she works each day to save money to make those dreams come true.

Christmas is also a good time for families to spend together laughing and eating and telling stories about days gone by.

Its especially great this year because its 43 degrees and not a drop of snow.  Its like its still October. 

Tomorrow it'll be like Christmas never existed.  The radio stations who crammed yuletide music down my throat and up my ass will be back to playing Taylor Swift and Celine Dion. 

Then we start looking toward New Years Eve, a night so depressing to the single and lonely, it may be the end of a year for good, while to others its the eve of starting a new year, with new chances and change.

I for one will be home alone, with the cats, praying that 2012 goes a lot smoother while asking my Higher Power what more I can do to improve my life and  my sense of self satisfaction.

What a long strange trip it continues to be......

Potrait of a Loser: Edition the First

There are only a few who can achieve the status of pure loser.  Here is a photo of one such loser.  First time I met him he had one of his eyebrows shaved off because he was drunk.  He is 30 and lives at home.  He only talks to girls under the age of 23 and has no awareness of common sense or respect.  I have called the Lincoln Park Zoo to have him caged, but they won't take him.  The governement refuses to acknowledge that he exists.  He has been compared to a cross between Loch Ness and the Yetti if they had a child.

Black Swan- Movie Review

BLACK SWAN (2010)

Director:

Darren Aronofsky

Stars:

Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Vincent Cassel

 Darren Aronofsky follows his overrated film The Wrestler with the dark and melodramatic ballet feature, Black Swan.  It is the story of Nina Sayers played gracefully and stunningly by Natalie Portman who deservedly won the Best Actress award at this year’s Oscar’s ceremony.  The story is simple, Nina is a ballet dancer who desperately wants the feature role of the Swan Queen in Swan Lake, but the role necessitates a dancer who can portray the White Swan and Black Swan.  Nina has all the makings of the White Swan but lacks the passion and sensuality needed to do justice to the role of the Black Swan.  She is given the part anyway and we follow her slow and sometimes confusing descent into madness.

The story really is simple, but told with such originality and fear, as we follow Nina’s descent into madness.  The subtexts and symbolism are what makes this movie great.  When I was in high school I dated a dancer who spent all her free time dancing.  She didn’t have to attend half of her classes so she could be in the studio dancing.  Ultimately our relationship failed because she had no time for me, or better said, a life outside of dancing.  When she wasn’t dancing, she was sleeping, and when she wasn’t doing either of those things she was thinking about dancing. 

Nina spends the movie living completely in a world inhabited by dancing.  This has led to a great ability to dance, but has robbed her of passion, because she hasn’t lived life.  Her dedication to her art has cheated her out of experiencing many things the rest of us experience every day.  This is a part of the film I liked best.  Artists spend so much time practicing their art that they forget or just simply don’t have time or make time to experience life.  That experience is crucial in the success of whatever art medium one has chosen.  So when other girls are out having fun, having sex, and living, Nina is dancing or being kept under lock and key by her overbearing and creepy mom, played by Barbara Hershsey.  Nina doesn’t even have a lock on her bedroom door.  Her mom is her shadow making sure Nina doesn’t miss out or lose the chance at greatness that she herself seems to have lost or sacrificed.  Nina’s determination and passion coupled with her mom’s overbearing ways drives Nina out of control.  She starts hallucinating, and soon we realize that Nina’s White Swan is starting to be overcome by the birth of her Black Swan.  The Black Swan within her is fighting desperately to be released.   Nina just wants to be the best performer she can, and soon it seems as it’s at any cost. 

Nina becomes friends with Lily, played by Mila Kunis, who herself seems just like the Black Swan, and soon Nina becomes delusional as to what Lily’s intentions are.  She becomes convinced that Lily is there to steal the title role and she won’t let that happen.  Lily actually represents the Black Swan growing within Nina in real life.  Reality and fantasy becomes blurred in regards to Lily and what she is and what she does.  We, the viewer, are kept off guard because truthfully, Nina is off guard, not realizing what is happening to her.  She is finally confronted by her mother who now thinks she is out of control and she keeps Nina locked in the bedroom, but Nina will not be stopped from performing and actually assaults her mother in an effort to escape.  At this point the Black Swan has completely taken over Nina’s persona and all traces of the White Swan seem to have vanished.

The film ends with the performance of Swan Lake, and in between moments show the final descent of Nina and what extreme’s she went to achieve perfection and success.  Nina’s story is extreme, but not uncommon in the real world where people dream of and strive for stardom, success and perfection.   The story also reveals that artists need to live a life outside their art in order to better serve their art.  And sometimes we just have to accept who or what we are.

GRADE: A

FACEBOOK: The New Drug or The New God?

WAKE UP PEOPLE-

Facebook has ruined it for all of us. We waste so much time on that fucking site updating our current mood and seeing what other people's current mood is. Who cares if I was wiping my ass at 2:15, but then at 4:15 I was at Starbucks? The control it has on us all makes me think its the new God. And our inability to now live in a Facebook free world makes me wonder if its the new Super Drug.

There are those few who live in caves or on the outskirts of town who don't have a Facebook account and I sit there listening in amazement to their stories wondering how they exist. When the walk, I look closely to make sure they don't have some third leg or hoof, or maybe a tail to reveal they are not human and therefore not subject to the mind-control that Facebook has over us.

Facebook has made it unnecessary to pick up the phone and call a friend or loved one. We can just anonymously log on and check up on them. I mean, who really wants to interact with the outside world? Sitting at home on facebook alone, is much like sitting alone with a few grams of cocaine. We have all we need right in front of us and when we close the curtains we can peer outside for a moment here and there and realize that life does exist outside the confines of our computers and phones.

Maybe I am more critical because I am older and remember a time when we didn't live online. I remember a time when four people sitting at a restaurant featured discussion, not four people looking down at that glowing screen in their laps as they eat dinner while checking facebook.

Facebook is like porn without the sex. Its addictive, and takes you out of reality and into a world where you can create a new reality. Change your name. Change your hometown. Change your job. Make shit up.

Soon my 20 year High School reunion is coming up and I see no purpose in going. Seeing as the people I am interested in keeping up with are my friends on facebook. I see what they look like, what their kids look like and what they are doing. Facebook has made the "reunion" obsolete.

How terrifying is it that a website has made human congregation and interaction obsolete?

Mark Zuckerberg was a loser who sat at home without friends geeking on his PC, and guess what, he has now made us all like him. 

He controls us.  We have even gone so far as to create Facebook pages hating facebook.  We have even created events where on a certain day we are all going to shut down our accounts, but no one ever does.

This millionaire fuck is laughing at us all.  Like Lennon when he said the Beatles were more popular that Jesus Christ, so now is Facebook, and to boot Jesus and God have facebook pages.

It's not to late to avoid armageddon.  We need to shut off the computers and talk to each other.  Could the Terminator really be true that there will be a Rise of the Machine's?  Oh wait that has already happened.

Looks like we already lost the war.  Ok, I gotta run, time to go update my facebook status, which I actually did while writing this piece.

The Squirrel Incident: American Patriot Act Version 6

Its been a long while since Dr. Teeth has indulged his senses in any sort of chemical orgy.  No I live the clean life now, realizing that being clean and sober is just as mundane and obscene as being sideways on cocaine or some as of yet unnamed substance I allowed myself to be guinea-pigged for. 

The paranoia still surrounds me.  The voices still echo like a carnival.  There are eyes everywhere waiting for me to fall.  And its during those moments of realization that I realize my true enemy is not people, not they are not. My true enemy is the squirrel.

Upon exiting my car this afternoon I heard the warning chirps of a squirrel coming from above. I peered toward the sky and resting on the edge of a tree limb, bare of its summer coat, was a squirrel chirping out to the other squirrels a warning or maybe it was a call to arms. 

What had I done? Was I safe?  Could any moment be more uncertain and unsettling than this.  I looked around but so no evidence of any other squirrels.  They were readying for the ambush.  They had amassed their weapons and their agenda was etched in the cold ground.  They were ready for battle, and it was me, Dr. Teeth left to fend for himself.

I thought about running back to my car and locking all the doors, but the back doors don't lock and certainly the squirrels already knew that.  And even if they did lock, it doesn't take but ten squirrels to overturn a 95 Honda Accord.  Shit, I've seen six do it to a Prius. 

The squirrel on the limb chirped out again.  I pleaded with him to hush.  Fumbling in my pockets for some cash, quickly realizing that squirrels have no need for money.  God damnit are they self sufficient and angry. 

It mattered not what I had done to insult or irk their kind. I looked at the front door to the building which just seemed further and further away as the seconds clicked.  I was stuck between that door and my car.  If I jumped in my car and drove off, I'd never be able to return, but if I ran for the door and made it inside, I'd never have to leave.

I allowed the adreneline to coarse through my veins and fill me with super energy and just like an olympic runner waiting for the gunshot, I was in position.  In one final moment of defiance I cried out, "FUCK YOU SQUIRREL. TODAY I WIN!!!!!!!"

I darted for the door and panted once inside. I had made it. I was out of breath but I was still alive.  Those nut eating bastards hadn't bested me.

As I stood there celebrating my victory, I noticed my neighbor staring at me in worried amusement. "What the hell was that all about?"

I shook my head smiling and got on the elevator.  "Good luck out there. Fuckin' squirrels"

My hands haven't stopped shaking since.  Fuckin' squirrels indeed.  Not my favorite!  We will do battle one day, but until that day I am alive.

I live.

I Just Wanna Be Friends

Ok, let's face it all relationships end.  Even the ones that end in marriage end!! It's a fact.  But what I don't get and wish would go away is that old female cliche, "I just wanna be friends."

I wish I could Wikipedia or Google who the first woman was who said this to a man. I am sure it was what started the Salem Witch Trials.  And possibly responsible for at least 6 beheadings back when that was the "in thing" to do when you were king.

Women sit you down and tell you how great you are, but that they "just wanna be friends".  What they don't know is that we as men would rather hear, "I fucked you're best friend", because it stings and annoys less than the "Friendship Escape". 

There should be honesty in a breakup, and the friendship excuse is anything but.  When a woman tells you she just wants to be friends she really means she wants you to pack your bags and move to another planet as soon as possible. She wants you to lose her phone number, address and forget what she looks like.

And god forbid you actually lower yourself to trying to be her friend, she'll suddenly never answer her phone or return texts and when you ask to get together she'll say its too soon. And if you actually do get to the final round where the two of you hang out, you're gonne spend that time trying to fuck her while she realizes you need to leave.

I have to admit Norah Ephron was right when she wrote the dialogue for Billy Crystal in When Harry...Met Sally, "Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."

How many female friends do you have? Attractive ones? And isn't true you really wanna fuck them?  And how many ugly female friends do you have?  See my point.

Women need to stop using the convienent escape route of saying, "I just wanna be friends", because you don't really want to be friends.  You just want the relationship to be over, which is ok, and you're right. Just don't lace it with that crap phrase. Guys see through it and guys get pissed when they hear it.

How would you like it if a guy walked up to you and said, "I just wanna fuck you"? Sounds crass and a bit insulting, and I am sure guys have said it. 

If you really care about letting the guy down softly then dispense with the cliche, break it off, and move on.  And don't even say, "maybe one day we can be friends."  The word FRIEND should never enter into a conversation about breaking up.

Just sever the head, lick the blood off your hands and move on.

Thanks Ladies!!!!

Dr. Teeth

Members of the Dead read Blogitaboutit

HEAT: Pacnio and DeNiro Face Off

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xbBLJ1WGwQ

I was home recently with the flu and decided to watch, for the 90th time, HEAT starring Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro.  Not only is this a great film, but also the project that finally brought Pacino and DeNiro on screen together for the first time ever.

Some looked at this as a match, like in a Rocky movie, who would best the other in acting skills?  It was DeNiro vs. Pacino not only as crook vs. cop, but as actor vs. actor.

DeNiro plays the role of Neil McCauley very restrained, yet menacing.  He is a man in full control but capable of tremendous emotional coldness and violence. 

Pacino, on the other hand, plays the role like its his first acting gig.  He hams his way through the film, overacting and being obnoxious.  We know that he is a great detective and is obviously more dedicated to his work than his family, but with the level of cockiness he portrays as Vincent, one would think it would be DeNiro standing there at the end holding the hand of a dying Pacino.

That is the one flaw in an otherwise great film.  Neil's actions would suggest he'd get away although his undoing is his inability to let things go.  He just had to go after Waingro and finish what had been started. There is that short moment in the car when DeNiro is smiling and there is a bit of light on his face, then suddenly obsession takes over and it get real dark in the car as he swerves over three lanes to ultimately meet his fate.

It makes sense that Neil dies, but it seems hard to believe that Vincent remains unscatched throughout the entire movie.  Neil realizes that living life alone is not worth it, but Vincent truthfully could care less about getting a third divorce.  When his wife allows him to answer the page at the end, he runs down the stairs with such eager glee.

One of Heats great dynamics is that it isn't just about cops and robbers, but also about their relationships with women.  Each crook his a significant other, and their relationships vary from happy to strained, to DeNiro not even really having one.  The Cops also have wives, but the main focus is on the failing marriage of Pacino's.

The most suprising element of the film for me, and the one that makes me get goose bumps everytime, is that by the time the movie ends, Neil and Vincent are friends in many ways.  And Neil reaches for Vincent's hand as he dies not only to show friendship but to feel some sense of safety and consolation as he dies. 

There is a lingering shot of Vincent's face.  We don't see him enjoying his victory over Neil, but rather watch him seem very uncomfortable being forced to console another human being.

I think Neil was the first criminal Vincent saw as human, while the rest were just part of the job.  Vincent has trouble accepting the humanity of people, but revels in the inhumanity of people. 

When Vincent kicks the tv set out of his car, its not because he's angry at his wife, but that he's angry that Neil has seemingly escaped.  Vincent doesn't see three divorces as failure, but he does see the escape of a single criminal as total failure.

With such depth to his character, its amazing to me that Pacino decided to play him so one dimensional and over the top.  He's rude, brash, short, cocky and ultimately he should have paid more of a price for his personality, such as at least being shot. 

But for what its worth if HEAT was DeNiro vs. Pacino, the winner was easily DeNiro. 

Its amazing that these two actors returned 14 years later in RIGHTEOUS KILL and proved that they both could be the shittiest actors in the shittiest role.

I'd rather watch their 5 minute scene in HEAT than all of Righteous Kill.

By the way, Director Mann has stated that the coffee shop scene in Heat consists mainly of take 11.  But that he got most of what he needed earlier. He just wanted to let the actors play a little more, and he himself wanted to get as much of this scene on film as possible knowing it was historical.

Finally, the Urban Legend that Pacino and DeNiro are never really on screen at the same time is total bullshit.  One only needs to actuallly watch the coffee shop scene and the lengthy chase scene at the end to realize they are on screen together.

Two Days in a Row JFT Speaks to Dr. Teeth.

Just For Today Meditations

December 7
Surviving our emotions
“We use the tools available to us and develop the ability to survive our emotions.”
Basic Text, p. 31
––––=––––
... “Survive my emotions?” some of us say. “You’ve got to be kidding!” When we were using, we never gave ourselves the chance to learn how to survive them. You don’t survive your feelings, we thought—you drug them. The problem was, that “cure” for our unsurvivable emotions was killing us. That’s when we came to Narcotics Anonymous, started working the Twelve Steps and, as a result, began to mature emotionally.
Many of us found emotional relief right from the start. We were tired of pretending that our addiction and our lives were under control; it actually felt good to finally admit they weren’t. After sharing our inventory with our sponsor, we began to feel like we didn’t have to deny who we were or what we felt in order to be accepted. When we’d finished making our amends, we knew we didn’t have to suffer with guilt; we could own up to it and it wouldn’t kill us. The more we worked the NA program, the better we felt about living life as it came to us.
The program works today as well as it ever did. By taking stock of our day, getting honest about our part in it, and surrendering to reality, we can survive the feelings life throws our way. By using the tools available to us, we’ve developed the ability to survive our emotions.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will not deny my feelings. I will practice honesty and surrender to life as it is. I will use the tools of this program to survive my emotions.

What Happened To Robert DeNiro?

Many people have written Robert DeNiro off.  There was a time when saying he was in a movie meant you had to go see it, but then after 1995 his name on a movie meant that the movie was probably garbage?  So what happened?

During the 1980's after a few flops, which happens to all actors, DeNiro stopped starring in films for awhile but rather made cameo appearances in films, or smaller supporting roles.  At one point his star had faded so much that he petitioned to star in BIG, and was turned down. Can you imagine DeNiro dancing on an oversized keyboard with Robert Loggia.

Then he came back to the fold working with Scorsese again in Goodfella's and suddenly DeNiro was hot again.  He still did the ocassional supporting role like in Backdraft, but he was seen as having returned to his former self.  Then in 1995 he concreted his reputation by releasing HEAT and CASINO within a month of eachother, wowing critics and fans alike. 

Since then he has gone out of his way to prove to us how bad and lazy of an actor he really is.  With releases like ROCKY and BULLWINKLE, GODSEND, HIDE and SEEK, ANALYZE THAT, and those awful focking FOCKER movies, DeNiro lost any credibility and reputation he had earned.  Hard to imagine that the same guy who played Travis Bickle is now wearing a fake breast feeding contraption in MEET THE FOCKERS.  The same guy who played Jake LaMotta is now acting in a Jason Statham movie. 

What the fuck happened?

I have a few idea's.  First and foremost is age.  Look at any actor or musician and you'll realize as they age their talent fades.  This maybe cannot be helped.  As we age we get tired and aren't up to the same level of performance dedication we once were.  The Rolling Stones suck, Paul McCartney won't stop singing Hey Jude, and DeNiro can't seem to act anymore. Sure there have been a few exceptions where his performance was decent or good, but it was surrounded by a movie that was lesser than he, such as, MEN OF GLORY, EVERYBODY'S FINE and CITY BY THE SEA.

I personally don't expect DeNiro to gain or lose massive weight or bulk up, I mean the guy is 68, but the scripts and the performances aren't even up to Adam Sandlers quality.

My other theory is that DeNiro is being offered much more money for these films, and is finally taking the paycheck.  If you research his great older films, he wasn't paid much, and they didn't do well at the box office.  Now his films do well, and he gets PAID!!!!!

My final theory, coupled with the theory above, is that he owns TRIBECA FILMS.  This company can only survive by being financed, and financing means doing movies that might suck but pay well.  And if you notice alot of these shit movies he has been in have had Tribeca as Producer.  So he gets paid double.  The money gets funneled back into Tribeca which will exist long after DeNiro is gone from this planet.

It is a shame to no longer look forward to anything DeNiro does, but he has proven himself and has other interests to pay for.  We should give him a break and stop expecting him to perform as if he was 35.  I mean look at what happened to Pacino since SCENT OF A WOMAN, the dude talks with a southern accent in all his movies, has a bad tan, and an awkward looking toupee he is trying to pass off as real. And is currently co-starring with Adam Sandler in JACK AND JILL.

Alot has happened to Robert DeNiro, but unless we ask him why he does the films he does, we'll never understand his thought process. And if you read interviews with the guy, he isn't gonna apologize to you, me or anyone for any of the films he has done.

In 2012 is will be in a film called BEING FLYNN, which looks like a return to some good acting in a good movie. Let's pray this is true because the Irish Mob movie with him, Pacino and Pesci directed by Scorsese will probably never get made.

He could play Jerry Garcia

Dr. Teeth Need Heareth The Lesson

Just For Today Meditations

December 6
Romance and recovery
“Relationships can be a terribly painful area.”
Basic Text, p. 82
––––=––––
... Love is like an elixir for some of us. The excitement of a new lover, the intrigue of exploring intimacy, the sense of release we get from allowing ourselves to become vulnerable—these are all powerful emotions. But we can’t forget that we have only a daily reprieve from our addiction. Holding onto this daily reprieve must be the top priority in any recovering addict’s life.
We can become too involved in our relationship. We can neglect old friends and our sponsor in the process. Then, when things get difficult, we often feel that we can no longer reach out to those who helped us prior to our romantic involvement. This belief can lay the groundwork for a relapse. By consistently working our program and attending meetings, we ensure that we have a network of recovery, even when we’re deep in a romance.
Our desire to be romantically involved is natural. But we mustn’t forget that, without our program, even the healthiest relationship will not guard us against the strength of our addiction.
––––=––––
Just for today: In my desire for romance, I will not ignore my recovery.

Old Family Photo's of the Fiorito's.

My grandfather just couldn't let Clem go. He tackled his body as the cemetary guys were trying to bury him. My Grandpa could be heard yelling, "No Clem, come back. We're going to Rhinelander this weekend for Bass Fest '67!"

This is a photograph of my grandfather back in 1967. He was attending the funeral for his old fishing buddy, Clem. When the cemetary workers saw that this is how my grandfather looked, they tried desperately to shove him into an available plot. He wasn't having any of this. Ultimately he gave in and let himself be buried, only to have the kids dig him out an hour later.

 

Old family photo I found in my grandmother's attic. This was my Aunt and Grandfather playing Zombie.

 

My Aunt was not happy being photographed during her game of Zombie so she went after the camera person. My grandma was holding the camera.

 

My Aunt was so pissed she attacked Grandma who it turns was holding the camera.

My Aunt brought home an African American she'd been dating.  My Italian family was not happy.

 

 

In my family when you die, they don't bury you, they just leave you where they find you.

 

My grandfather's final Beer Blast circa 1966.  Clem is on the far left.  These guys had a band in the 50's and did Shakespeare plays in the 60's.

 

 

 

 

Remembering Brent Mydland

Easy To Love You

Lyrics By: John Barlow

Music By: Brent Mydland

Good, good morning, so good to see you
You weren't just a dream of mine
Real as a raven, real as thunder (note 1)
Real as the sun shining
But still so very hard to find
I can't imagine what's behind those sleepy eyes

Little stranger, don't try to hide now
You look so young and you're afraid
There is no danger but from the devil
And he may want you but I'm in his way
You don't know how easy it is
You don't know how easy it is to love you

And come the moonrise, when the dew falls
Don't be the sun that fades away
Don't leave me darkness, she is no lover
She hides the day
You don't know how easy it is
You don't know how easy it is to love you

Watch the Video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04cnUPDDh6o

"Speed Dating" Sketch I Wrote

---

Lights up on a speed dating circle. Joy and Eric sit facing each other, wearing nametags. Cindy sits off to the side with a microphone and a gong.

CINDY

Okay, speed daters, you’ll only have 30 seconds to get to know each other, so don’t be shy! When your hear this sound

(Cindy bangs the gong)

It’s time to move on. If only it were that easy in real life, am I right ladies?

(laughs at her own joke, a little too long, then sighs)

Oh, well. Let’s begin then. Ready? Set? Go!

(Cindy bangs the gong, confusing Eric, who gets up and exits)

JOY

(calling after him)

Oh, I don’t think that’s what she meant…

(Eric enters)

ERIC

That was the starting gong, evidently. I’m sorry, I’m not good at this at all. I’m just gonna leave.

JOY

(giggling)

No, it was totally confusing! Don’t worry about it, I’m nervous too.  And none of us are good at this otherwise we wouldn’t be Speed Dating.

ERIC

Well, we probably have like 8 seconds left so I’m just gonna go.

JOY

Come one. Speed Dating is not that bad.

ERIC

No, I’m good at Speed Dating; I just don’t think you’re attractive.

JOY

Oh, well…uhm, do you have any passions?

ERIC

No!

(Cindy bangs gong)

CINDY

NEXT!

JOY

(to Erik)

Can I give you my phone number anyway?

Eric gets up and walks over and starts flirting with Cindy.

(enter GREG)

JOY

My name is Joy.

GREG

Shhhhh!

JOY

(confused) Uhm ok, but we only have like 30 seconds.

GREG

That’s cool. We don’t need to talk. I’m an artist and you don’t appear very artistic to me so let’s just wait for the gong silently.

(long uncomfortable pause for Joy, Greg is relaxed with his eye’s closed)

(Cindy sounds the Gong)

JOY

Uhm, it was nice to meet you.

GREG

Whatever.

JOY

Can I give you my phone number?

Greg gets up and walks over and starts flirting with Cindy.

(MIKE sits down)

JOY

Hi, my name is….

MIKE

I’m Mike, I don’t work, I travel, I shower only on Thursdays unless its raining, otherwise I take a walk. I have the government, I wanna move to Seattle and write poetry and I believe in multiple sex partners in order to recapture that free spirit of the 60’s.  Yes, it’s true, I got fucked being born in 1986. I would have been such a great Hippie.

JOY

You sound very passionate. And a bit unkempt.

MIKE

You don’t appear to be a very free spirit.

JOY

No I’m very free. I swear to you.

MIKE

Let’s leave right now and go have sex in my VW bus.

JOY

Darn, you’re right I’m not a free spirit. 

(Cindy bangs the gong)

MIKE

Peace out.

JOY

Uhm, can I give you my number?

MIKE

You’re sweet, but no.

Mike walks over to join Eric and Greg in flirting with Cindy.

Joy sits there looking beat. Notices that Eric, Greg, Mike and Cindy are all leaving together.

JOY

What the hell?

(Michelle is the woman sitting right next to Jamie)

MICHELLE

Cindy always does this.This is her Speed Dating gig.  She promises to screw any guy who rejects the rest of us. 

JOY

Then how are you expected to meet a guy?

MICHELLE

I’m not here to meet a guy. I’m here to meet a woman.  The easily rejected are easier to hook up with.

Joy takes a moment to think. She looks Michelle up and down.

JOY

You wanna go back to my place?

MICHELLE

I thought you’d never ask!!!

Old Dr. Teeth review of Night of the Living Dead. (slow writing day)

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) 

Dir.   George A. Romero

Back in 1968, George Romero was already successful at producing and directing commercials with a company he and his friends started called Image Ten Productions.  They decided they wanted to try their hands at a feature.  They decided the easiest and most accessible genre was Horror.  They pitched in roughly $10,000 each and soon George was writing the script for the cult phenomenon that would become NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.

When production and editing were finished the group threw the film reels into the trunk of a car and drove towards New York to find a theater, any theater, willing to project their film.  And around the time Malcolm X was shot, they found one.

The film starred Judith O’Dea, Duane Jones, Karl Harman, and Marilyn Eastman as the core group of people stuck inside an old house in the middle of the Pennsylvania countryside during an outbreak of Mass Hysteria.  The film opens as Barbara (O’Dea) and her brother Johnny are driving up to put a wreath on the grave of their father. They bicker as Johnny turns off the radio just as news about this event is about to be broadcast, leaving them unaware.  Moments later, after teasing Barbara in front of a seemingly harmless man wandering, the horror begins. The man attacks and kills Johnny leaving Barbara to fend for herself and escape.  She finds her way to the seemingly abandoned home where she takes shelter.  Very soon she is met by Ben, who himself just escaped Ghoul chaos at a diner a few miles away.  That’s one thing that should be noted about NOTLD, that never once is the word Zombie uttered.  They are referred to as Ghouls.

Ben starts boarding up the house to protect he and Barbara and after awhile the basement door flies open and out pours, Harry, Tom, Judy and Helen.  Harry and Helen are an unhappily married couple constantly bickering as their daughter lies in the basement suffering from the effects of having been bitten.  Tom and Judy are teenagers who seem scared and uncertain, and it is Ben who immediately takes charge.  But his methods anger Harry.  During 1968, and the Civil Rights Movement, the idea of an African American taking charge was unheard of. And although Romero maintains that Ben could have been played by either a white or black actor, it still stands out that Ben is black and in charge.

Soon the movie becomes not a film about people against monsters, but rather people against people. The infighting between two men, husband and wife, racial tensions and the idea of gender roles are brought to the surface.  And what happens when people can’t or won’t work together?  Things start falling apart and soon we find the hopes of survival diminishing. And that is what makes Night of the Living Dead stand out.  Granted some of the characters become victims to the Ghouls but most of their fates lie in their inability to work together.  Pride, ego and anger are the true “monsters” in this film.

Ultimately Night of the Living Dead has gone on to become on of the most respected cult films in history and Romero has gone on to make several more “Zombie Films” to varying degrees of success.  But he created the genre and dozens of filmmakers have copied or have been influenced by this film and this filmmaker.   Night of the Living Dead is seen less as a horror film, and more as a study into the human condition, especially during the tumultuous times of the late 1960’s when Vietnam raged on, major assassinations were taking place, and the Civil Rights Movement was in full swing.  Whether or not Romero intended all of these subtexts to the film is still not truly known.  He shy’s away from saying that all we get is what he intended, but maybe he didn’t realize how deep this low budget film really was and what it said and still says about society at large.

GRADE- A

Watch the movie here....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfShkumjeq8

Dr. Teeth signs with God!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Question

My friend said your roof is leaking, why don't you fix it. I told right now its raining too hard and when the sun is shining it don'tleak!

Soprano's Series Finale

It has been more than four years since Tony, Carmella, Paulie and Silvio said goodbye to American audiences and HBO, but the debate still rages on....

Did Tony live or did Tony die?

Two camps have been set up based on your opinion; either you're a LIFER or you're a DEATHER.  And just like Israel and Palestein, this war shows no signs of ending.

For the uninformed, the series ended with Tony looking up from his table and the screen cutting to black for 30 seconds before the credits started.  DEATHERS contend that the diner was filled with potential murderer's whereas the LIFERS contend that the diner just featured people eating.

Both camps agree that one man, MEMBERS ONLY JACKET GUY, could have posed a threat. The Deathers believe he is the murderer of Tony Soprano, while Lifers, like myself, see this guy as serving no purpose other than to add tension to the final scene.

Now David Chase, the writer and creator of The Soprano's will never give the loyal viewers the apology they deserve; not just because the ending was so vague, but because he constantly kept us waiting more than a year between seasons, and the last season done in two parts was utter shit.

What neither side of the argument seems to be capable of seeing or admitting is that the DEATHERS are given credible evidence to argue that Tony is dead, while the LIFERS are also given credible evidence that Tony is alive.

But what neither camp seems to be able to say is, "we're are both right and we are both wrong because there is no definite ending."

The ending was left open to interpretation, but the viewers denounced interpretation and that is what makes me the most curious.  What makes us need concrete answers to a fantasy television show?  Why can't we accept that we don't know, or why can't we come to our own conclusion without have to tell others there conclusion is wrong?

I have never witnessed a more heated and lengthy debate about the ending of a tv show, and in a way Chase deserves credit for the way he ended his show.

I on the other hand think it was a clever way to get us fans not to notice who shitty the last 16 episodes really were.

Go to Imdb right now in the message board section and I guarantee you another debate has started about whether Tony lived or Died.

The show is over.  Who cares what happened to Tony.  He was a prick.

Amnesty International Vs. Dictator Bush

So Amnesty International is calling for the arrest of George Bush in Egypt for the crime of waterboarding. Ok, I agree, but what about all his other crimes like lying to the American People, assassinating Saddam Hussein illegally, inventing facts to suit his agenda of racism and war, and for keeping the American people scared long after 911 happened.

The reality that George Bush is a free man stuns me each day I live. 

The man is responsible for the torture and murder of thousands.
The man should be hung in the gallows at 6:30 in the morning just like Saddam.
Is there really such a thing as American Justice?

Dr. Teeth And The Blue Moon Beauty

Dr. Teeth has settled into a grand case of panic.  Its the type of panic that sets in when you're two hundred miles from home only to realize that the stove is on, the bathub water is running, the door is unlocked and the dogs haven't been fed. 

What set off this intense and insane emotional reaction?  I have my blog link to a complete stranger.  I was captivated by her smile, her dress and he voice.  I was intrigued by her comments about the church and her choice in beer.  I don't even remember mentioning my blob, but I must have because she asked for the link.  My ego took over and I gave it to her.  What have  I done?

As I drove home I thought of blogs regarding anal sex, cocaine binges, ex lovers, and the like.  For one moment I considered erasing everything I wrote.  For one moment I considered driving my car into a Taco Bell.

But the moment passed.  I told her what she'd read would not be PG.  But did that really explain what she should expect?

Oh impulsive thought you never seem to allude me. 

So my apologies to the Blue Moon Beauty! My written mind is more deranged than the person who leaves the house.

Santa Is Dead

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus so I told my dad and he shot Santa and divorced my mom who now lives on the streets!

Speaking In Code

Whenever a girl calls me "sir" she is speaking in code. What she is really saying is,"You're to old to fuck me!"

Wisdom?

Its A Fucked Up Life (The Real Its A Wonderful Life)

Every year at Christas time we get to watch the holiday classic, "It's A Wonderful Life" starring James Stewart, Donna Reed and Lionel Barrymore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJfZaT8ncYk

I used to love that movie, until recently I realized there was something very wrong with this movie and that is this movie lacks REVENGE.

The following text will attempt to describe and explain some scene's the way they should have played out, especially if the film was made today.

1. A young George realizes that Mr. Gower the Druggist has poisoned someone with a bad batch of drugs.  In the film George and Gower have a good cry after Gower slaps this shit out of George(more on that later).  Come on.  If I was George I would have either blackmailed Gower or would have dropped a dime on Gower and sent him to prison where he'd spend the rest of his days being some Mexican Gangs bitch in Oz.

2.  Upon hearing the accusation that he killed someone by being a drunk druggist, Gower proceeds to slap George repeatedly, especially in George's already damaged ear.  Come on  man!! George should have immediately called his sledding buddies and the lot of them should have come in at closing time, locked the door and beat the shit out of Mr. Gower until Gower either dies or agree's to leave town.  It seems obvious they didn't have 911 back in those days or else George could have had Gower arrested and to make sure the charges stuck he could have accused Gower of molestation.

3. In this "sue hungry" society we live in, after George's brother rides the shovel into the ice water, George's family should have sued the makers of the shovel, and the city of Bedford Falls, and won a lot of money in a cash settlement that in turn would have allowed Pa Baily to retire and not have to put up with Mr. Potter's bullshit.

4.  When George runs into Violet, instead of making an ass of himself about wanting to see the world he should have told her that was really an innuendo for wanted to take her home and stretching out her ass and shoving his dick inside.  She wanted to fuck, not hear about his travel plans.  And she was obviously an easy target and look at the guys she was hanging with (obviously Made Men, but more on them later.)

5.  When George and Mary are on the phone with Sam Wainright and they suddenly and passionately drop the phone to the ground, George had his in to rape Mary, but instead he kisses her and marries her.  Come on dude, another woman was aching for the Baily Boner and you act the Gentleman.

6. Mr. Potter!!! What can I say but that the fact this miserly cocksucker got to see old age is an amazing feat.  Polio didn't take his legs from him, but probably some other dude he pissed off who didn't go beg all his friends to bail him out, but instead call the right "friends" to help with his problem.  Mr. Potter did nothing but live to fuck up the Bailey's lives, and they did nothing but stew in it and whine.  Pa Bailey easily could have put a bomb in Potter's car and dealt with his problems. But instead left Potter alive for George to have to deal with.  And Potter does everything to ruin the town. Now if this were Charming California, the SOA would have come in and put a pool cue up Potter's ass.  But in Bedford Falls we just get stressed out and whine.  When Potter finally steals that $8, 000 the foolish drunk Uncle Billy leaves lying around, it was time to go to the Mafia, ya know Violet's friends.  They could have paid Potter a visit, gotten the $8, 000 back and made Uncle Billy disappear for being a fucking embarassement to the family, but no George gets all fucked up on Angel Dust and spends 20 minutes of movie time hanging out with some fag looking Irish Angel who wants to get his wings.  George should have asked the Angel to get God to fuck some people up, but no George see's that he is better off alive and runs home.  While he was away all his friends, who have jobs and aren't losers have been running around emptying out their bank accounts and cutting up their mattresses to get George $8, 000.  George is lucky to have so many people willing to not eat for a month to help him because his drunk Uncle couldn't hang on to $8, 000.  If George had only gotten the mafia to take care of things, everyone else in town wouldn't have gone broke to save George's dumb ass.

At the end of the movie Harry Bailey says, "to my brother George the richest man I know." This is true because in real life George would have scooped up the money and in the middle of the night would have picked up Violet and made a mad dash to Mexico to live out the rest of their days, because with the amount of money George got, well over $8,000, they'd have lived like King and Queen for the rest of their lives, which back then was only until about 60. 

The movie is sweet, but lacks realism, and revenge. I hope someone remakes this classic movie and does it right by fucking up the drunks, thieves, and idiots the way they should be.

Life on the John

Sometimes my life feels like I'm on the shitter only to realize there is no more toilet paper!

Basketball Jones

I think the NBA season should be left to one single game with every A squad member from every team on the court left to play until the last man is standing. Punching, knives and guns would be allowed! Sharp Shooters in the stands also welcomed!

another al queda victory

So Demi and Ashton are getting divorced! I guess The Taliban really has won.

Jerry Garcia Meets Abbot and Costello Meets Frankenstein

Jerry Garcia talks about his first time seeing Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein.  An amazing interview and one of his last. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKUtyUmS4IE&feature=fvst

The Lost Blog

Oh how computers can make me want to kill armies of puppies.  I have just finished writing a 1000 work essay on my moment with Jerry Garcia on march 17th, 1994 when the computer decided to malfunction and then erase all that I had written.

Therefore my Jerry Garcia story remains hidden in the confines of my deranged brain meant to be let out another day. 

Instead of reading this great story, please watch the following clip with my sincere apologies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQCYMco_mqs&feature=related

The No Vagina Beard

Whenever a woman removes her vagina from my life I like to grow a beard. Its as if the beard itself represents the bush of the female although I would never date a girl whose bush looked like my beard! Its more a rebellious statement to say," hey I don't need to be clean shave because currently there is no woman bitching how it scrapes her tender little face!" When another woman wants to cum my way the VaginaBeard will be shaven!

Dr. Teeth aka John interviews amazing Lexi Schafer 2004

The Saga of Keanu Reeves' Crotch In the Face of Dr. Teeth

I got up early that April morning back in 2004 and rolled over in bed to find two grams of cocaine spilled all over my lap.  I was panic stricken and immediately jumped up to recover ever last grain of heavenly powder that I could.  I brushed the white crystals from my chest hair and immediately inhaled what I could.  I was like a pack of wild wolves who have just surrounded a helpless bunny, ready for the gangbang and the murder.  I managed to save most of the cocaine and place it back in my vial.  My head was pounding like Neil Pearts drum set at the RUSH concert I had attended just two days earlier. 

I lit a joint and hopped into the shower, immediately rendering the joint useless. This was the start of a savagely demeaning morning.  But I had to get my act together and quick because I was invited to a taping of The Sharon Osbourne Show that day and was determined to come off less mind-sapped than Ozzy himself. 

The day seemed brighter once fresh water hit my hungover body and I was dressed.  Two more lines up my nose and I was ready to take on the world.  And with a Venti coffee from Starbucks in hand I was off on the 101 on my way to the set. 

Anyone who has ever driven the 101 or the 405 will know that actually moving is the miracle, so with that I took my pipe out of my pocket and proceeded to take the edge of the cocaine by smoking some Orange County Kush.  I took the smoke deep into my lungs and as I exhaled, the sun got brighter, the smog cleared and I was content.

I pulled into the parking lot of Sunset and with my all access pass in hand I approached the building for the taping.  On my way to the door, I happened by Juliet Lewis who looked at me like some uncaring and unforgiving lover who'd left her to pay not only for the cab ride, but the hotel room.

I gave her a hello, but she gave me a, "fuck off creep.", a sentiment I richly derserved but hadn't yet figured out why. It wasn't until I happened by a car side mirror that I noticed one nostril pancaked with white powder and the other trickly the smallest amount of blood.  Ok, I was guilty of public display of cocaine abuse, and Juliet Lewis wanted no part of it. I cleaned my nose and continued.

We were led inside the studio with my friend guaranteeing my a front row seat, but I was actually sat in the third row so I made sure to scratch him off my Christmas Card list that miserable bastard.  The show began.......

Sharon Osbourne came out looking like she'd escaped from the set of the Wizard of Oz, small and waifish, wearing $300,000 worth of baubles from her hair to down there.  She really had no business hosting a talk show, but the Osbournes were hot and there she was.  It took her five times to get the introduction right.

There was as small stage set up and Sharon introduced the band, some unheard of group of misfits calling themselves Becky.  There was nothing new or interesting about this band until NEO himself from the Matrix walked out carrying a bass.  I thought I was suffering cocaine related delusions, but no, Keanu Reeves was standing there looking smug and self assured. I hate that shit.

The crowd suddenly went nuts for Becky as if the Beatles had reunited and had Elvis as their opening act. It was then I heard the ovulating howls of three girls behind me.  It was deafening and irritating.  My ear drums vibrated and threatened to burst.  These three girls screamed so loud for so long, that Sharon was unable to let the band play. Of course the other members of Becky loved it as they'd never been privy to such adulation before and never would again.

I turned to spy these three Hispanic women, 60 pounds overweight, with makeup that looked like something out of Rocky Horror Picture Show, screaming uncontrollably as if caught up in some epileptic fit and seizing.  They just wouldn't stop their cattle call, and it was not obvious to them that time is money and they were wasting everyone's time.

It was that moment I looked around to see if someone was serving drinks so that I may order a Bloody Mary, but no such concession was offered and my head was starting to ache. No way I was going to dare do a few more bumps of cocaine for fear that Ozzy was somewhere near and would end up stealing my stash from me. I looked in that vial and could see some of my chest hairs tangled with that wonderful powder.

But the screaming, it just wouldn't stop.  So Superboy Keanu decided to be a hero and save the day.  He came running over to the audience which sent everyone else into a sort of 911 panic of excitement, confusion, and insanity.

Keanu leaned over and somehow stretched his arms far enough to fit around all three of these immensly well fed Hispanic women. There was only one problem...

Keanu leaned over me in order to hug them and it was at that moment I realized that I had a multi-million dollar crotch in my face.  I started to wonder if I had taken the red pill would Juliet Lewis' sweet pussy been jammed in my face instead of Neo's cock, but alas in the world I inhabited I has stuck sitting there for what seemed like an eternity with Keanu Reeves crotch right in my face, nearing my coffee stained mouth.

I couldn't move. It was like I was possessed by his manhood. I tried to look away but couldn't. He was just so close to my face holding it hostage with what I bet is no more than five inches of cock. 

He finished hugging the girls and went back on stage. I am sure to this day they are still bragging about getting a hug from Keanu Reeves, but what they'll never be able to say, and something I live with everyday, is that I had Keanu's cock practically in my mouth.

And in case you were wondering, I gargled with mouthwash for three hours when I got home.

Dr. Teeth meets Richard Franklin in 2003

Experiences and Article by Dr. Teeth (Entertainment Editor/Los Angeles)
“It’s not that often that you can meet a living legend – but, we did!” – Ron, Senior Editor/West Coast Pin-Up Magazine©.
On three separate Saturday mornings I found myself curving and swerving around the ever nerve-wracking streets of Laurel Canyon to meet one Richard Franklin. Up in the Hollywood Hills, overlooking Brittany Spears old estate, Richard Franklin, of www.richardfranklinphotography.com greeted me with the poise and professionalism of a classy middle-aged English fellow. But any assumptions I made about this witty Englishman through a few introductory phone calls, was instantly shattered when I stood before the man. Richard, looking somewhat like Al Pacino from Godfather III, but with the physique of a young man, who spends a lot of time working out and maintaining the belief that the mind and the body are always interconnected. I was asked to meet with Richard in order to delve into the art and style of his Glamour Photography, but what I found was so much more. Richard Franklin is a Glamour Photographer with his only subject being that of exotic and amazingly beautiful Black women, but that is only one small part of Richard Franklin, the man, the producer, the photographer, but most of all the philosopher.
While never taking a single photography class, Richard approaches his photography much like he approaches life; with a focus, trust in himself and the desire to find what else life has to show him. His subjects come to him knowing that he will make the beautiful look gorgeous while using stark color and simple background to augment the beauty that is the subject of his photo shoots. He avoids black & white as well as pastels in favor of simple color. Richard loves color and his interest is stimulated by black skin on a canvas of his choosing. Sometimes in the pool or behind bright lights, Richard trusts his instincts in knowing what to surround his latest subject with. His attitude is, I shoot for myself and if the model gets something out of it then good for her. It is an attitude that some may dismiss as ego, but to sit with the man, you are automatically pulled into energy of self-assurance. Richard is not egotistical, but rather he is curious and has a level of self-esteem that we should all hope to achieve. He doesn’t look at his photography as the photographer shooting the model, but rather he approaches it as a man who knows what he thinks is beautiful and sets out to complete that thought.
As we sit in his, lavish, yet simply decorated home adorned with artwork of various naked forms, Richard basically dismisses the assertion that he is an artist, or that he is even talented. He confesses that his photographs are not mired in as much talent as others may believe, but rather that he has a vision and he looks to honor it to the fullest. Artists exist to create, to serve their art and that is what Richard Franklin does. But to look at his website, you’d never think these are the photographs of someone who picked up a camera for the first time barely five years ago. Maybe he is the master illusionist, as his photographs show much more talent than Richard will allow himself to admit. Richard basically admits that he comes up with an idea or two and allows everything else in the photographic process to follow suit. He doesn’t appear interested in making the model look exotic or sexy. Rather, he believes they show up that way and as a result of his dedication to his own vision, the two marry together to create some of the sexiest photographs of black women I have ever seen. It is an interesting approach that while serving his own needs, the models ultimately end up looking more gorgeous in the finished product. This is why these girls from all over the place seek Richard out to photograph them. He absolutely does not go shopping for the next great face. In a way he is a hand on photographer with a very hands-off approach. He lets the art come to him. It is again part of the philosophical man that Richard Franklin is.
Born in England to a wealthy family. His aunt Rosalind Franklin, is credited with discovering the structures of DNA and believed by many in the world of science that she was on her way to a Nobel Prize. Richard’s father was a successful investment banker and his mother comes from a long line of dedicated Jews from Poland. He also has five brothers and sisters. But Richard, a self-proclaimed Atheist, set his eyes on America and finally arrived to make his mark. During the 1990’s he bought the rights and produced the controversial stage production of, Disputation, a piece about the Catholic church in Medieval Barcelona conducting a public trial against Judaism. He brought on famed TV director, Asaad Kelada to direct and the accolades started rolling in. Part of Richard’s aim in life is to do things he believes so much in, regardless of whether or not it yields him a financial profit. He does not tie in money with success or more important, self-achievement. Producing this play was just another example of a man who cannot so easily be categorized or simplified. Richard is a man who is always evolving and it just so happens that these days his evolution has taken him behind the lens of an expensive camera in order to satisfy his own desires and likes.

Give Us Our Thanksgiving Back

Ok damnit I've had it.  Christmas, that holiday that has become all about gifts and gift cards, has begun to seriously encroach itself upon the glorious day that is Thanksgiving.  It used to be that insane and greedy shoppers went to dinner with their families only to find themselves standing out in 38 degree weather in the middle of the night waiting for their chosen Big Box store to open so they can grab a TV for $300 or the latest childs toy which by January 3rd, the child won't even play with anymore. 

Now those bastards in the retail industry have taken it upon themselves to try and further destroy Thanksgiving by opening their stores ON Thanksgiving in the hopes that your greed will make you forget your family and instead go shopping.

If you love your family so much why not spend Thanksgiving with them, rather than spend it in line or in a store so that you can get them the perfect Christmas gift?  How does shopping over quality time with your family show that you love them.

There's a reason we don't go trick or treating on July 4th, and a reason we don't cook a huge feast and give thanks on October 31st., but when it comes to Thanksgiving, all most have on their minds is Christmas.

Thanksgiving is a day to give thanks and spend with our loved ones; not a day to think 30 days in advance to the next holiday.  Christmas is so popular because of our greed and materialism.  We can't wait for Christmas because we wanna rip open gifts and see how much our love cost. Bah Humbug motherfuckers.

I saw that we as a society reject Black Friday which has actually turned into Blackish Thursday, or at least take the entire family to Best Buy and sit square in the middle of their home entertainment area with your family and share turkey Lunchables and can's of diet Coke. 

If you gotta shop that badly then you either don't love your family that much, or your sense of priority's needs a serious reality check.

I for one don't plan on doing my Christmas shopping until Feb., so my family can go suck on it. But I still love you, because I will be present and hungry on Thanksgiving.