Another Return of the Jedi

I am suprised that someone hasn't come along and rebooted that shitty STAR WARS franchise.  I guess its because George Lucas clung to it like Gollum to the ring.  But now that Disney has found a way to pry it from his cold dead fingers, maybe, although doubtful, the franchise will get a new lease on life.

I remember the first 10 seconds back in 1999 when The Phantom Menace started and realized, "Oh fuck this is going to suck!", staring at the screen watching these two Bishop looking Asian aliens talking through rubber masks.  I knew we had waited 16 years for nothing.



Then we got Attack of the Clones, which is easily one of the worst movies ever made.  But Revenge of the Sith did make a slight come back by giving us a dark and ugly, violent end to a shit saga.

After watching the latest 3 installments, I went back and watched the original 3, and let me tell you, as an adult I realized even those three movies sucked.  Actually, to be honest, Empire Strikes Back was good.  But the other two "original" movies were packed with poor pacing, bad acting, and bad writing.  Jedi was like a fucking muppet show movie in space.  I'm a muppet and even I am saying that.

I don't know if the new trilogy ruined the original, or if I just grew up and realized that as an adult these movies sucked. I certainly was obsessed with them as a child, and I always fucking hated Star Trek and that pussy fucking world.

And then Lucas, that fat fucking piece of shit cocksucker, went back and re-edited the original trilogy and it was then that I knew this was a communist pig fucking piece of self absorbed shit.

I couldn't believe what he did to the Max Reebo band, or that he edited in Hayden Christiansen into that final shot, although the other Jedi's who died reappear as they looked at death, nope, Anakin was the only one to reappear as he looked in his youth. (George Lucas was such a fuckhead that he actually created a flaw and/or logic error in the film)

I don't mind making the explosions look bigger, but the other shit was unforgivable. 

If ever there was a filmmaker who hated his fans, its PigFace Lucas. 

And now there is word that new films are being made. Whoopee, at least if they suck, they won't be Lucas bad, they'll just be bad.  Or God forbid they might be good.

To focus on specific characters bums me out. Like turning Boba Fett into a Iron Man sort of trilogy would be bad news.  Or a film about Yoda.  To Sleep it put me will......

What they could do is interweave three stories each focusing on one character and blend them into a three picture scenario.  That might be cool.

Or they can make a movie about how Lucas destroyed one of the most promising and popular franchises ever.


Hey I just realized its been more than a year since a Star Wars movie came out, shouldn't George Lucas be changing something....oh wait.....he doesn't fucking own them anymore. LOL!!!

Fuck you George.

Geriatric Action Hero's

Ok this rambling bitch and piss fest is for a few "actors" in Hollywood that just don't get it.

Arnold, Sly, Bruce, I am fucking talking too you guys.

Bruce...58 years old
Sly.....66 years old
Arnold....65 years old.

What the fuck is the matter with you guys still doing Action Movies. 

First of all the Action Movie genre is pretty much dead, just look at Jason Statham.  He is young yet his shit still tanks at the box office.

Die Hard 5 is a piece of shit movie doing shit business at the box office.  This time its not just Bruce's age, but the only thing that makes it a Die Hard movie is the fucking title.

Stallone came out with a forgotten movie recently that made like $40.
Arnold's big come back movie flopped in January, the dumping ground for Hollywood.

Now conspiracy therorists will say there is an Expendables curse, but the problem is we have SENIOR CITIZENS trying to save the day.

You're old, thats ok!! Go collect your AARP card, buy a cane, and eat fucking oatmeal, I don't care, just stop making these action movies.  No one cares to see you break a hip and fracture your pelvis getting out of a car.

 

Now I hear Arnold is coming back for Terminator 5.  Unless its a fucking cartoon, I don't see how this is possible.  Why the fuck would John Conner send a 65 year old looking Terminator back in time to save the planet? And how many fucking times do you need to send Arnold back in time before you realize the plan doesn't work and the planet can't be saved!?!?!?!?!!



It's time to do something different guys. At least Bruce can act.  Sly and Arnold, let's call it a day.  Quit embarassing yourselves.

Oscar Oscar Oscar

No I am not referring to my crabby green homeless Muppet friend, but to the once a year let's jerk each other off Oscar fest, or a Night of Pure Self Indulgence.

I didn't watch the show as I am sure it was as long and boring as Best Picture Nomination LINCOLN.  And speaking of Lincoln, when that film came out everyone was like, "this is the greatest picture ever!!", but by last night, everyone seemed to hate it or Speilberg, I'm not sure which.

Best Supporting Actor:
Christoph Waltz-  Give me a break.  Yes he was good in Django, actually he was the best part of that bloated, offensive, many times boring film.  But to think he won over Phillip Seymour Hoffman for The Master, a film I did not like, but an undeniably powerful performance.  And Waltz just won for Tarantino's crapfest Inglorious Basturds (sic) two years ago.

Best Actor- Everyone knew it was going to be Daniel Day Lewis, so no suprise, but in truth the award should have gone to Joaquin Phoenix for the Master.  I mean what a performance.  Daniel only did an imitation of a man, while Joaquin embodied a person.

Best Supporting Actress- Anne Hathaway for LES MIS or as I call it, The Miserable Lesbian.  I was shocked she beat out Sally Field in Lincoln, again I hated the movie, but I thought Field was a shoo-in.  I haven't seen Les Mis but have heard that its just a so-so film.  Hathaway should have been nominated for Dark Knight Rises.

Best Actress- This was a hard one, because the category was littered with new comers and young ladies.  But keeping with tradition, Hollywoods sexist attitude loves to give the award to a young, fuckable new comer.  And since she lost 2 years ago, Jennifer Lawrence was given the award for Silver Linings Playbook; a very good movie that I don't think deserved any of the nominations in got. 

Best Director- Ang Lee, otherwise known as the guy who directed Hulk and Surviving Woodstock.  I didn't think Life of Pi resonated with many people, but slowly it did.  I will never understand how you can win best director but not best picture and vice versa, but this award was the second to last FUCK YOU to Steven Spielberg of the night.  Again, I thought Spielberg was a shoo-in, but in reality it was his tamest and safest movie ever. 

Best Picture- Argo.  Everyone knew Argo would take this!! Ben Affleck got fucked in the ass by the Academy so to be fair and spread things out (The Academy is historically guilty of either giving all the awards to one film, or spreading them out to many), they gave Argo Best Picture, which it certainly was.  No one really wants to admit that Lincoln was as boring as a C-Span debate.  But Argo was the final FUCK YOU to Speilberg and Lincoln. 

Of course Best Song was going to go to Skyfall.
I wasn't suprised that best Animated Pic went to Brave, but box office results and longevity proved that Wreck It Ralph should have won, but whatever.

Early in 2012 everyone talked about the documentary BULLY, but it wasn't even nominated, and once I saw it I agreed that it was not that good.  Searching For Sugarman was the winner last night and it so deserved to be.  It's a story so amazing it had to be true.  So right on and spot on was the Academy with Best Documentary.

The biggest snub last night was ZERO DARK 30, a remarkable film that ultimately was too mired in controversey regarding torture.  Of course the USA tortures people.  Every single prisoner at GITMO has been and is being tortured.  So to torture some people in order to find, and destroy Osama, is completely acceptable. 

But Hollywood is so fucking political, esp having Michelle Obama present Best Picture, that too award ZD30 would have been an indictment on Barack Obama for allowing torture.  It would have looked odd to have his wife award ZD30 with Best Picture.  Hollywood has their cocks so far up Obama's ass.......

I digress. 

I heard Seth did a poor job, but seriously when the Titanic is sinking, how good a captain can you really be.

For God's sake Hollywood, jerk yourself off in private, America isn't interested in your bloated ceremonies.

Next year do a 15 minute comedy monologue, hand out some awards, do the In Memorium segment, hand out the rest of the awards and GO THE FUCK HOME, or to your cocaine parties, and sex orgies.

Now fuck off.  I'm done.

Musical Criticism of Jerry Garcia: Grateful Dud

Let me start off by saying I LOVE THE GRATEFUL DEAD.  But I also have had negative feelings toward Jerry and the boys and would like a chance to express that negativity here...

Jerry loved music, about as much a person could possibly love music.  From the moment he picked up the guitar he rarely put it down and was known for spending 8 hours a day running through scales and such.  He was a known early to bed, early to rise sort of guy. 

During the late 60's and early 70's, Jerry was a player in no less than 3-4 bands, splitting his time with New Riders, Merl Saunders, Old and In the Way, and Jerry Garcia Band.  There was never enough time in a day to fulfill all his musical desires.

Fast forward to post 1978 on and that is when Jerry started to neglect himself and ultimately his music.  Sure Heroin addiction is to blame, and sure a very poor lifestyle of junk food and cigarettes were also to blame, but these were choices Jerry made, and he never really made a honest to God effort to get clean.  He had some half-assed attempts, but never a really committed goal of getting well.  And God forbid the Grateful Dead should ever take some time off for Jerry to regain his health and regain his playing.  There were forced cancellations, such as when Jerry fell into a diabetic coma that he wasn't expected to wake up from and had to relearn the guitar.

Most people speak of Jerry's decline in 1993-1995, but in truth that was the final decline.

Look at his appearance during the Rockoplast Show with The Who.  He looked grey and gaunt and sickly.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpFE_1yzr7w

And listen to his voice during 1983-1984 , as well as his appearance,  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVEbEmezGPw

Jerry would have moments of glory again, 1987-1990, but then again in 1992 he almost left us, and the Dead had to cancel some shows.  He returned in 1993 looking slim and seemed ok and at the end of 1993 he was doing well.  Then 1994 rolled around and Jerry started slipping again, even looking near death sometimes on stage, but he finished off the year still pretty much together and talented.

Back on stage 3 months later in 1995 and Jerry was finished.  He spent most of his last 9 months on Earth flubbing lines, playing out of tune, and sometimes turning his guitar down so low you couldn't hear him play.

People believed that Heroin was to blame for his forgetting lyrics and poor playing, but his rampant diabetes really made his playing suffer as blood wasn't flowing into his fingers like it should.

So drugs and a poor lifestyle totally destroyed Jerry in 1995 and he died on August 9th.  Doctors have said that even had Jerry not died, he would have not been able to go back on stage for at least 2 years; he was that bad off.

Drugs will make you sacrifice all you love, and indeed Jerry spent the last 15 years of his life sacrificing his love, but when you put it in context, out of 30 years, the Grateful Dead were really only a good band for the first 15, or roughly 50% of the total.

Once 1979 rolled around, the fans truly spent 15 years watching Jerry decline on stage.  And the band never took time off.  But even if they had, Jerry would have found other ways to get back onstage.  But enabling is enabling and Jerry was enabled until the very end.

Look at some perfomances in 1995....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFyD2uHkvDE

Jerry was 52 at the time this video was shot, and yet he looks 80 and like he can barely hold up the guitar; his arms frail and weak, his voice thin and reedy.

By then final Deer Creek show in 1995, which I was at, Jerry was lost and confused and the bootleg of the second set opener of Scarlet--> Fire showed Jerry at his most vulnerable and lost.  His playing on Fire is just plain painful, and he forgot all the lyrics, except for the third verse, which is the only verse he sang.

There are examples of his being lost all over songs during 1995.  At that point it was more like, "Wow Jerry sounded good on that tune!"

Jerry should have retired in 1994 and taken a real chance at getting better.  But it wasn't until he got clean in the summer of 1995 that he realized how broken down his body was.  So he spent his final week or two on this planet sort of saying good bye to his friends and family, although he didn't know he'd be dead soon, friends say his conversations were awkward, as if he was saying goodbye.  They said there was lots of reminiscing, and long talks. 

Only July 9th 1995, a month before his death, Jerry said goodbye to the fans, whether he or we knew it or not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sFyRQPraJ8

It's a shame to have to admit that Jerry let himself, the music and all of us down.  And to think he died at the age of 53, having just made it to that birthday, only to die alone in a rehab center; one that he told no one he was going to.  Jerry, like a cat, sensed his demise, and went off to die alone and in peace.......

18 years later, the musical landscape is empty, his forever silent voice getting quieter and quieter.

GOD Doesn't Live Here

Someone asked me if not believing in God concerned me because I wouldn't have eternal life.  My response was, "Who the fuck wants to live forever???"

I think some people believe in Eternal Life because honestly they fear death.  Sit for a moment and try to imagine yourself dead.........fucking hard isn't it?  Fucking scary isn't it?

When that crazy fuck killed those 20 little kids in december, my friend used it as a chance to try and convert me to God. I was so pissed off.  Don't fucking try and convert me. I know what I believe. And don't use a tragedy to exploit.  If 911 didn't make me believe in God, nothing will.


I read somewhere, "beware the one book person or solution.", which simply translated means, be wary of the person who lives by the teachings of a single book, and be wary of the single book which asks you to look to it for all your answers.

No single book has the solution to life and its issues.  So the brain-washing concept that God will fix everything is dangerous.


"Fuck with my God and I'll ram this fist up your asshole!!"

 

I liked how another friend put it, "if you belive in God then you'll have an afterlife, if you don't then you're journey may just end when you die."

I'm ok with my journey ending when I die.

Fuck isn't life hard enough that we need to be pre-occupied with making plans for the next eternity?

God, tell your followers to leave me the fuck alone. Thanks.

Mexican Gay Love Penis

I have worked in restaurant kitchens for years.  And in those restaurants are a lot of Mexicans.
What I have learned from them is not only do they work endlessly, but they also have a pre-occupation with penises.

The word Verga is spoken at least 50 times a day in every restaurant across America.  Verga is the spanish slang for PENIS, or COCK.

The dishwasher in my restuarant says it all the time, as well as PUTO, which is slang for GAY.

Verga, Puto, Maricon are all common words in a Restaurant Kitchen where Mexican immigrants work.

I have realized that Mexican's way of teasing and putting others down is to call into question their sexuality and their love of cock.  But what troubles me is the frequency in which they talk about being gay and loving cock.

I have come to the conclusion that many Mexicans are quite homophobic and that the only non-homophobic Mexicans are the gay ones.

I wonder if the gay Mexican's sit around talking about pussy all day and accusing each other of being straight.




This blog is dedicated to my favorite dishwasher PORFIRIO!! He likes the cock.

You Shot the Dog?!

Ok Mindy, you had my compassion then you tossed it in the garbage.

 

I understand the pain and misery you were going through. Mental Illness gets immediate understanding from me.  Drug Addiction gets immediate understanding from me.

 

But really, you had to kill the fucking dog. 

 

I will tell you this; thank God you didn't feel the need to shoot your children too.  But you could have done us all a favor and killed Mackenzie Phillips, that rat faced whore.

 

 

 

A Knife in the Back and More of the Same

Lost one round but the price wasn't anything, a knife in the back and more of the same....



Artist rendition of Susan's last act of friendship towards Dr. Teeth.

The knife has been removed, the wound still healing, and the emotional wounds deep and hurtful.

Friends and family have said, "You're lucky to be rid of such a creature."


This is an artists rendition of the creature Susan.

I know I'm being petty, and emotionally childish but when you hurt me, I get like this.

Muppets are not known for emotional maturity. 

And I am Muppet hear me roar.

Sexy and Human!

People ask me, Dr. Teeth, why do you use your blog as a weapon?  I reply, "Because I can."

I tell the truth, but I don't slander, make shit up or lie.

I am honest.

I am brutal.

I am sexy too.

 

Actually the Pig is sexy.  This is what I'd look like if I was a human....

 

My blog is an outlet.  When someone fucks Dr. Teeth they get fucked in return.

When someone loves Dr. Teeth he makes love to them in return.

 

It's really simple. You're either my friend or my enemy. Simple.

 

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a BiPolar Muppet

It is apparant that I am not myself these days.  Maybe I'm no longer a Muppet, maybe I am one of those Fraggle Rock fuckheads.

So now I'm starting up a posse to come and look for you.  We're gonna put a stop to what you wanna do. 

When I was Los Angeles there was a night littered with cocaine and marijuana when I thought my heart was gonna stop and at that moment I didn't care.

I had been dumped.  I was alone.  My dream was making plans to escape the country.

Now you might take offense to a word like FUCK or SHIT.

Women seem to be the gasoline on the flame that is my BiPolar.  I become engulfed in flames of hatred.  And with that massive amount of negative energy I think my heart is gonna stop and at this moment I don't care.

My friend died recently and after seeing a photo of him and his wife I asked God why he didn't take me instead of him.  I tend to feel like I don't have much to live for.

The Muppet show was cancelled years ago.  My band is playing bowling alleys....on mondays.

My spirit is so dark and empty.  I fell of the planet and need to get back on.

Can you hear me calling from outer space?
Is there anybody out there?


My dear friend Elmo, couldn't handle the pressure.  A black pedophile stuck his hand up Elmo's ass and forever changed his life.

Seems to me he lived his life like a candle in the wind.

Women Kissing

I'd just love to spend the day watching women kissing and fondling each other.

I would make a bowl of ice cream, grab my cats and just sit back in bed and watch them please each other. 


Or I'd love to watch sisters playing dress up.  Changing clothes and trying on different outfits.

What a way to spend a friday but instead I will spend the night.....

Muppet Chaos

Some people see right through me.  “You’re no doctor, no musician, no Muppet.  You’re an unstable guy who writes under an alter ego so you can spew whatever shit comes to mind without responsibility of a filter.”  And they are sometimes right.

I am no Muppet.  I am no Doctor, and sometimes I am so unstable I am surprised I can walk a straight line, but when you push me I am fucking pushing back.  When you fuck me I will fucking destroy you.   When you turn on me you have become my enemy and I will consider you as such and treat you with no common decency or respect.  You sacrificed that. 

I know your weaknesses and I will exploit them to punish you emotionally when you punish me. 

I’ve gave up on normal along time ago.  I gave up on sanity a long time ago.  I gave up on believing in the kindness of mankind at least two presidents ago.

My blog is a tool.  It’s a method of keeping as sane as I fucking get.  It’s a way to express the insanity that possesses my mind.  It is my tool.  It is my weapon.  I don’t need to touch you when I can destroy you with words.

Sober, or not, I am angry and I am mean.  I am losing the battle of normalcy.  I am a Muppet gone wild.  I have limited control over my temper.  I have lost that Hippie-free love-bullshit a long time ago.

I am a person with a lot of pain, guilt, suffering and rage.  I am a forgotten dream.  I no longer have faith in medication, 12 Steps or Psychotherapy.  I don’t believe in God, and I don’t believe I will ever regain control over myself enough to have a happy and fulfilling life.

I am a man of rage; a man of hate.  I am being swallowed up into the nightmare.

I just hope I don’t take anyone down with me.

I am a lost cause.  I am anti-social and resentful. 

Zombies and Hippies

After watching a preview for the shitty looking Brad Pitt movie WORLD WAR Z last night during the Stupid Bowl where someone forgot to pay the electic bill, I asked myself something....

How do Zombies and Hippies survive a cold, cruel winter? 

Granted during an outbreak of zombies or hippies, the outbreak is not contained to only the cold states so the warm states would be fighting a different battle, but in the cold states, after the first freeze I would think zombies and Hippies would be stopped dead in their tracks.

Zombies don't know how to make it to shelter, nor do they have the instinct too.
Hippies can try as they will to get their VW buses started but once the transmission has died, leaving them with an 8th of weed, 6 grilled cheese sandwiches and some Snapple, time would quickly run out.

Only those Hippies that had the foresight to make it to Vermont for a Phish show or California for a Furthur concert would be apt to survive.

During the winter months, the military could take advantage of thousands of popsickle zombies just sitting in the show frozen, like homeless people under the Red Line and destroy them.  Remember any zombie kept under 32 degrees is a frozen zombie.  Frozen zombies can't move.

And also remember, any Hippie with a guitar and some weed will remain quiet and not move until tickets to the next Widespread Panic show go on Pre-Order.

What I am saying is that there is a way to get the upper hand and destroy the Zombies and Hippies that plague this beautiful planet.

Let's start thinking outside the bun here folks.