The Return of Tibor

Just when everything in my life seems to have hit the skids once again, my adopted son Tibor is back in town.  I have tried with all my wits to be the foster parent to him that I think I should be.  Tibor isn't interested in me being a parent.  He wants me to be a victim, a scapegoat, a tortured soul and his bitch.

I don't care that he's only 9 years old.  Which is really odd because he was 8 when I adopted him and first started telling you about him in 2006.  Tibor claims to have found a way to stall the aging process.  He considers it a Weapon of Mass Destruction of his own invention.

I am certain now that Tibor is not from Guam, or South Vietnam or wherever, nay he's from Space.  He is not human.

But of course when he said he was in town for the NATO conference how could I resist him a place to stay.  Tibor was wearing the same clothing he had on when I saw him last year, those being the rags of Bin Laden, the terrorist Tibor claims he alone killed.  Tibor also claims that Bin Laden had the biggest collection of Goat Porn he's ever seen.

And during his first night with me, he again was caught trying to boil my cats in a pot of Wesson and Beef Bullion.  Tibor uses a stun gun on the cats rendering them still.  When I tried to stop Tibor he tossed the scalding hot oil in my face.  I know he felt bad since he drove me to the hospital.

When we returned.  I noticed that Tibor had stolen a trunk-load of medical supplies.  He told me to keep my fucking mouth shut.  I am so scared of him.

He says Phase 2 of his plan is about to begin during the election in november.  I have reached out to Obama and Romney's campaigns to warn them about Tibor.  They both laughed that they would be in any danger from a 9 Year old.

I told them they don't know Tibor.  They told me the CIA has been tracking Tibor for the last 20 years.

The math just doesn't add up.

TO BE CONT............

The Stomach Demon Returns

  Friday night I managed to eat half a sandwhich.  Haven't been hungry lately.  Emotional oddities and mind altering medications are the likely culprits.  As I forced myself to eat something I watched Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence.  Now all I want to say about this film is that I am not into censorship, but this should be banned.  It was filthy, offensive and disgusting.  My cousin warned my I'd have nightmares bad enough to mess my sheets.  I laughed it off. I have seen live video's of people getting their heads cut off, and this was only fiction.

Strange thing is 5:30 in the morning and I slowly awake to racing thoughts in my brain. Now I don't know how it works for you, but before I am about to get sick my mind starts racing with abstract thoughts moving a mile a moment.  I started to squirm a bit when suddenly I realized, "I'm gonna be sick"!!

I ran to the bathroom but nothing happened.  I stood there feeling like someone was ringing out my insides.  I started to sweat and I started to pant but nothing happened.  And being the OCD moron I am, I immediately updated my Facebook status to reflect my sudden illness and how I blamed Human Centipede 2.  But the real culprit was either a newly aquired bug, not to be confused with a centipede, or the Subway sandwhich I ate. 

My stomach felt like it was on a death march, yet nothing happened.  I immediately took two Alka Seltzer's, three Tums, and drank a cup of Peppermint Tea.  Nothing was working.  And of course when I tried to lie back down my cats kept trying to sit on my stomach.  One cat was almost thrown into the box fan I turned on I was so aggrivated.

I soon realized that I was again possessed by my Stomach Demon.  The one that makes me feel sick as hell but nothing happens.  No vomit, no Upset Stomach; just pain.  And what pain it was.

I managed to fall back asleep.  I needed to be up by noon for a coffee date I had made.  At 11:00 I awoke to find myself freezing and still in pain.  I grabbed the cat that almost got sliced in the box fan and cuddled with him under four blankets while I texted my friend with one eye open to cancel.

In my mind I kept hearing, "The power of Christ compels you!!!!"  I decided even if I was cancelling my coffee date, I was still getting my morning cup of Joe.  So I stood up and Demons be damned I put on as many layers of warm clothing as I could.  I looked like a hamper when I was done. 

I texted my friend back and told her I'd crawl my way to Starbucks since we already made plans and were looking forward to them.  I knew I could survive!  I spent the week being depressed and now I was sick.  I was damned if I was going to be stopped.

So I went, and we met.  And I shivered while we chatted about life and other redundancies. 

Ultimately, it was a good time, but I have been battling my stomach demon ever since. 

Now that I have succesfully unpossessed myself I can go back to just being depressed.

Yay me!!!!!!