The $80 Dollar: AKA You Want Coke With That

Anyone who has read my Autobiography, " Mien Cough: The Saga of Sage Advice From An Unbalanced Muppet", with a foreward by Lenny Bruce knows more about my drug history than I ever intended.  I didn't have final approval for my book, thank you Random House, and they ended up putting in a bunch of extra shit in there that never really happened.  I shot heroin with Corey Haim nor Corey Feldman assholes!!!!

Its common knowledge that while writing for DYNAMITE Magazine during the 70's, I got in with the Grateful Dead trying desperately to get them on the cover.

I had just broken up with Lorene Yarnell (pictured right) of Shields and Yarnell when I realized that it was actually Shields that I had been fucking.  I've slept with so many people in my day I am sure a guy or two has gotten by me.

The Dead were playing the Nassau Colusieum one night and were in the middle of Eyes of the World when I noticed that a dollar bill had fallen out of the pocket of one of the roadies.

I thought to myself, "a dollar is a dollar", so I picked it up and put it under my hat.  The following day I was back at Jim Henson's Workshop rehearsing with my band The Electric Mayhem..

I was rehearsing a cover of James Taylor's, Fire and Rain when Animal came over to me and handed me the dollar bill. I guess it had fallen out of my hat.  Animal kept nodding his approval to me and suggested we go in to the bathroom for a band meeting, without the rest of the band.

We did and Animal unfolded the dollar to reveal a pile of white powder! "COooooo-caaaaainnneee!!!!!!", he growled as he pulled a short straw out of his back pocket and immediately took to snorting some.

Now Kermit had been doing this shit for years, and I realized long ago he was addicted.  Fucking Elton John was never allowed back stage again.  It explains why Kermit is so skinny. 


I decided to pass up the opportunity. Of course Animal had no complaints about that.  He tossed the straw aside and just dove his face into the pile. Then we went back to jamming.



Too this day I've never done Cocaine, that is until I realized what Crack was.

The Next Chapter

New Job, New Woman, New Outlook......

This is how life goes when its going great!! Challenges and rewards.

Don't take it all so seriously, and treat others with love, especially yourself. 

Red Solo Cup I fill you up, proceed to party!!!!!!


And always have a good attorney on hand!!!!

Mary Louise Parker: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Real Me.....Not the Internet Version

So I met a woman recently and we had a great time speaking on the phone. 

I relayed my unhappiness with constant Texting and Facebook. Who knew years ago that one day we'd be doing most of our conversing with our thumbs.  I also told her that I have a rule that no one who knows me less than 6 months to a year will gain access to my Facebook Page nor my Blog.  Reason being is that in this day and age, we tend to want to define people based on what they write on FB or on their Blog.  That is the main reason I blog under a pseudonym; it allows me the freedom to explore and express thoughts and idea's that I may not want attributed to my writings.

Facebook is a whole other story.  We use Facebook to tell people how we feel at that moment, what we did that day or are doing at that moment, where we are, who we like and what our children look like.  We no longer have to pick up the phone to reach out. We just log on, anonymously, and get our updates.

Its such a shame that we have chosen to move further and further away from actually living life amongst others. 

We sit in restuarants on our phones, and our IPads and Gameboys.  And its not only the children, but the entire family.  There is no gathering of the minds to catch up on the days activities.

A TV show recently had a scene where the mom was calling her daughter downstairs for supper, and the girl came down annoyed and said, "Why didn't you just text me?!"  That is the world we live in now.

But it doesn't have to be that way.


I want to get to know people in person or at least via an actual conversation. I don't want to text, I don't want to Skype, I don't want to Twitter, and I don't want to live on Facebook.

Fuck at this point, I wish I had to get up to change the channel or still owned a Rotary Telephone.  They should make Rotary Cell phones.

Am I getting old! YES!
But I am also rejecting the current status quo of not having to talk to people or touch them anymore.

Wake Up People and Live, together!!!!!

The Untold Tale of Last Nights REDACTED meeting. Not told!!!

Boy, I'd like to tell you this story but the tradition of anonymity stops me from revealing it.

REDACTED
But what can you do except apologize, and thats what pisses me off the most. I spoke with REDACTED for some clarity and direction and then apologized to the people involved. 

What has me in HULK MODE today is that not one of them has yet to respond to my apology.

Shows you how well REDACTED works sometimes.

I am breaking rank here to show you a photo of the group, which is a big NO-NO.

New Medicine or Old Stress? The Puke Diary

Twas only a two weeks ago when I embarked on a new regiment of medication in the hopes of relieving major stress, deep depression, and bad thoughts. But medication cannot work effectively if the stressors are piled on more and more.  There needs to be some time to give the medication a chance to work, but alas I have added a lot of work related stress to my life lately and it is taking a toll.

Shit jobs that are way beneath you will never do much for your self esteem or ego, and my current, soon to be former, job is taking a toll on me.  I get it: its time to leave, but do I have to leave wounded.  Do I have to spend my final days there dry heaving before each shift? Or is the new medication that is making me dry heave?

Maybe no one cares about my dilemma, but I do.  Thats what Blogs are for. 

There is a saying that says, "let go...let God", well thats all well and good if my God would give me some fucking satisfaction.  But demanding satisfaction is an obvious lack of working the 3rd Step in my 12 Step Process.

I have to give my will over to God.  I just don't always want to. I want to punch people in the face, slash their tires and fuck their mothers. I want to drop a vial of LSD into the food and watch everyone get weird.

Whatever is going on it needs to stop.  I cannot keep carrying stress around like its a bodypart.  I can't keep feeding it  or else it'll turn into a bigger monster than it really is.


And if I don't stop stressing over everything I'll never be able to marry her...

Dr. Doolittle Does Nothing.

Ok, I am pissed.  What the fuck happened to Eddie Murphy?  He refuses to acknowledge he was ever on SNL, which was the funniest shit he ever did.  He no longer makes movies like 48hrs or Beverly Hills Cop, but instead comes out with shit like 1,000 Words, Imagine That and Pluto Nash, while he's not busy being a house niggar for Disney by doing Haunted Mansion. 

It seems like God is punishing Eddie Murphy for his offensive, controversial, yet hysterical stand up from the 80's.  Everyone was using the word FAGGOT back then so get over it. 

Now he stars in 1000 Words, a movie which was actually made 4 years ago.  It sat on a shelf collecting dust since George Bush was in office.  And in the movie, Eddie, an actor known and loved for being fast talking, is rendered with only 1000 words to speak before he dies.

What the fuck is that?

He should just do a silent movie while he's at it. Or at least ask Tyler Perry to create a sitcom for him or take over hosting duties on Family Feud from Steve Harvey.

Eddie Murphy has become a complete embarassment causing me to believe he actually died years ago, and this is just a stand in.

I am begging Eddie to set himself on fire, fire his agent, get out of Hollywood, or join the fucking Marines, but STOP MAKING THESE SHITTY FUCKING MOVIES.

Below are some clips to remind you and I that Eddie Murphy had talent at one point......

Eddie Murphy Ice Cream Man bit....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JfMCBh1sJQ

Eddie Murphy - Family Cookout 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1viJF2hgl0&feature=related