Thursday, November 22, 2012
Better Left Unsaid; Written or Shouted Preferred
There comes a time when every little golden haired boy who has a rideable choo choo train in his home to grow up. Time when the arcade sized donkey kong game needs to be sold. Time when you realize that you don't want to be friends with the black kid anymore from the Pepsi commercial because not only do you HATE PEPSI, but you also hate black people.
Your Dad is in jail and bankrupt and your now fucking his secretary, which became his girlfriend and then his wife. But he's in jail so what the fuck does he know.
His accountant died of AIDS 20 years ago, and you thank God you didn't catch it as a result of that one night of curious experimentation.
You're pissed off that your best friend is now making funny movies while you barely register on the screen in straight to DVD Christian movies.
You had it all as a kid but now you have nothing. Absolutely nothing, save for a couple of silver spoons......
Yeah, Ricky life's a fucking bitch.
Your Dad is in jail and bankrupt and your now fucking his secretary, which became his girlfriend and then his wife. But he's in jail so what the fuck does he know.
His accountant died of AIDS 20 years ago, and you thank God you didn't catch it as a result of that one night of curious experimentation.
You're pissed off that your best friend is now making funny movies while you barely register on the screen in straight to DVD Christian movies.
You had it all as a kid but now you have nothing. Absolutely nothing, save for a couple of silver spoons......
Yeah, Ricky life's a fucking bitch.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thanks-for nothing-Giving
So this year I will be spending Thanksgiving pouting and bitching, but I will be fucking this Indian Princess.
I guess I am thankful for Role Playing Hookers.
I guess I am thankful for Role Playing Hookers.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Why I Wanna F*** Guys
Ok, I am old enough to know that women are insane; that there is a reason God created them after animals. (Read Gensis people)
They are insane creatures of Middle Earth or a planet so distant this solar system.
Recently I read a book, Men are From Venus Women Are From Hell, and it made everything make sense. Women are wired to be deranged, emotional stay at home moms with a non stop desire to nag and spend money.
There is a reason that Miss Piggy is the only female muppet and a fat fuck at that. Think about it folks. They needed one female for all of us to gang bang but also they wanted to limit their numbers at the Muppet Show. Thank you glorious Jim Henson.
And by making Piggy fat, we'd be sure to only spunk in her face and not date her. Henson was a god damned god!! Praise his name.
Here is a sample of an apology from a woman....
"I am sorry for what I did, but actually its all really your fault and you suck and you don't treat me right and you only use me for sex."
From where I stand today women are merely there for target practice. Either shoot 'em in the head or spunk in their eyes and run like hell while they''re blinded.
I wish that God would turn me gay for Christmas this year so that I can no longer yearn for the touch and love of woman.
They are insane creatures of Middle Earth or a planet so distant this solar system.
Recently I read a book, Men are From Venus Women Are From Hell, and it made everything make sense. Women are wired to be deranged, emotional stay at home moms with a non stop desire to nag and spend money.
There is a reason that Miss Piggy is the only female muppet and a fat fuck at that. Think about it folks. They needed one female for all of us to gang bang but also they wanted to limit their numbers at the Muppet Show. Thank you glorious Jim Henson.
And by making Piggy fat, we'd be sure to only spunk in her face and not date her. Henson was a god damned god!! Praise his name.
Here is a sample of an apology from a woman....
"I am sorry for what I did, but actually its all really your fault and you suck and you don't treat me right and you only use me for sex."
From where I stand today women are merely there for target practice. Either shoot 'em in the head or spunk in their eyes and run like hell while they''re blinded.
I wish that God would turn me gay for Christmas this year so that I can no longer yearn for the touch and love of woman.
The Doctor is In.......
Well I took six weeks off to reevaluate my blog and my blog habits and I decided that I don't write this blog for the benefit of you, nay I write it for my own personal, theraputic, controversial, and destructive self.
Sure I can be funny
And I can also be controversial...
And of course I can also be sexy...
I can be a lot of things, but in the end I really just got to be me. An unpatriotic, self destructive, paranoid, sexually aggressive, anti-God, furry fucking muppet. Its who I am and it's who I'll forever be.
Regards-
Doctor Teeth
Sure I can be funny
And I can also be controversial...
And of course I can also be sexy...
I can be a lot of things, but in the end I really just got to be me. An unpatriotic, self destructive, paranoid, sexually aggressive, anti-God, furry fucking muppet. Its who I am and it's who I'll forever be.
Regards-
Doctor Teeth
Monday, October 1, 2012
The Dying Blog
To my friends and foes-
There seems to be a dramatic decrease in people reading my blog. What have I done to spurn you all? Have my entries not been funny, controversial, insightful, and bashful?
What is it you want from a Muppet?
Would you like me to write about recipes and fall fashions?
Would you like me to write about celebrities ala TMZ?
Would you like me to get political and talk about Obama/Romney?
Give me a fucking clue!!!!
Maybe you just want dirty pictures.
Well you can get the fudge out of hea!!!
There seems to be a dramatic decrease in people reading my blog. What have I done to spurn you all? Have my entries not been funny, controversial, insightful, and bashful?
What is it you want from a Muppet?
Would you like me to write about recipes and fall fashions?
Would you like me to write about celebrities ala TMZ?
Would you like me to get political and talk about Obama/Romney?
Give me a fucking clue!!!!
Maybe you just want dirty pictures.
Well you can get the fudge out of hea!!!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
WWE: Jesus vs Santa and Easter Bunny
In this corner weighing 116 lbs, the son of our Creator.....JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!
(Jesus Christ is a personal friend of Mel Gibson
and recently came back to Earth to visit Mel on
the set of his latest film.)
And in this corner weighing 186 lbs, the furriest and tallest bunny on earth......EASTER BUNNY!!!!!
(Unbenownst to the Easter Bunny, media whore
Barack Obama tried to crash his press conference.
The Easter Bunny ended up tossing the Pres. over
the railing.)
And finally in this corner, weighing 245 lbs and suffering end stage diabetes is.... SANTA CLAUS!!!
This is a winner takes all match. No time limit. No rules.
Jesus Christ comes out of the corner and immediately starts talking shit to Easter and Santa, "You bastards have taken away MY holidays and I'm gonna win them back."
Santa retorts, "More kids love me than you. To them Christmas is all about Santa and presents."
Easter Bunny chimes in, "And Easter is all about Easter eggs and candy! Why bum people out with your death."
Jesus throws a chair, "But you two aren't even real. You are made up!!!!"
Santa and Easter Bunny look at each other a moment then break out laughing! "Hawahahahahahahahahbabababaahahaahahaaa!!!!!!!!!"
Santa has Jesus in a headlock, "Oh and I suppose you really can walk on water my friend."
The Easter Bunny grabs Jesus from behind and holds him while Santa plunges a barbed wire wrapped piece of wood into his ribs.
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Jesus is losing strength fast.
Santa, "No one wants to be bothered with your religous bullshit when they are opening Xbox 360's and Bratz Dolls on Christmas morning."
Santa cracks five of Jesus's ribs.
Jesus cries out, "Forgive them for they know not what they do!!!!"
Easter Bunny shoves a bunch of jelly beans in Jesus's mouth, "Shut the fuck up son of nothing!!"
Santa, "You are such a narcissist Jesus. Everything is about you and your sacrifice. No one cares!! They'd rather open gifts, chase easter eggs and gobble up goodies. Why don't you go take over Thanksgiving or Independence Day you buzz kill!!!!"
Santa and Easter Bunny begin repeatedly kicking Jesus in the ribs until Jesus stops moving.
The match is over. SANTA and EASTER BUNNY have saved Christmas and Easter from JESUS CHRIST!!!! The Crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!
The Easter Bunny and Santa give each other a hug. But suddenly Santa stops and says, "Why should I only get one holiday when I can have two?"
Easter Bunny replies, "Why do you think you deserve two? Look at how fat you are. Its clear you'll be dead in six months."
Santa, "There is only one way to settle this my furry little friend....."
"What an amazing night we've had at the Garden. A bloodbath like no other. A first in the history of the WWE. This is Mean Jean Okerland.......goodnight!"
(Jesus Christ is a personal friend of Mel Gibson
and recently came back to Earth to visit Mel on
the set of his latest film.)
And in this corner weighing 186 lbs, the furriest and tallest bunny on earth......EASTER BUNNY!!!!!
(Unbenownst to the Easter Bunny, media whore
Barack Obama tried to crash his press conference.
The Easter Bunny ended up tossing the Pres. over
the railing.)
And finally in this corner, weighing 245 lbs and suffering end stage diabetes is.... SANTA CLAUS!!!
This is a winner takes all match. No time limit. No rules.
Jesus Christ comes out of the corner and immediately starts talking shit to Easter and Santa, "You bastards have taken away MY holidays and I'm gonna win them back."
Santa retorts, "More kids love me than you. To them Christmas is all about Santa and presents."
Easter Bunny chimes in, "And Easter is all about Easter eggs and candy! Why bum people out with your death."
Jesus throws a chair, "But you two aren't even real. You are made up!!!!"
Santa and Easter Bunny look at each other a moment then break out laughing! "Hawahahahahahahahahbabababaahahaahahaaa!!!!!!!!!"
Santa has Jesus in a headlock, "Oh and I suppose you really can walk on water my friend."
The Easter Bunny grabs Jesus from behind and holds him while Santa plunges a barbed wire wrapped piece of wood into his ribs.
Jesus is losing strength fast.
Santa, "No one wants to be bothered with your religous bullshit when they are opening Xbox 360's and Bratz Dolls on Christmas morning."
Santa cracks five of Jesus's ribs.
Jesus cries out, "Forgive them for they know not what they do!!!!"
Easter Bunny shoves a bunch of jelly beans in Jesus's mouth, "Shut the fuck up son of nothing!!"
Santa, "You are such a narcissist Jesus. Everything is about you and your sacrifice. No one cares!! They'd rather open gifts, chase easter eggs and gobble up goodies. Why don't you go take over Thanksgiving or Independence Day you buzz kill!!!!"
Santa and Easter Bunny begin repeatedly kicking Jesus in the ribs until Jesus stops moving.
The match is over. SANTA and EASTER BUNNY have saved Christmas and Easter from JESUS CHRIST!!!! The Crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!
The Easter Bunny and Santa give each other a hug. But suddenly Santa stops and says, "Why should I only get one holiday when I can have two?"
Easter Bunny replies, "Why do you think you deserve two? Look at how fat you are. Its clear you'll be dead in six months."
Santa, "There is only one way to settle this my furry little friend....."
"What an amazing night we've had at the Garden. A bloodbath like no other. A first in the history of the WWE. This is Mean Jean Okerland.......goodnight!"
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