Sexy and Human!

People ask me, Dr. Teeth, why do you use your blog as a weapon?  I reply, "Because I can."

I tell the truth, but I don't slander, make shit up or lie.

I am honest.

I am brutal.

I am sexy too.

 

Actually the Pig is sexy.  This is what I'd look like if I was a human....

 

My blog is an outlet.  When someone fucks Dr. Teeth they get fucked in return.

When someone loves Dr. Teeth he makes love to them in return.

 

It's really simple. You're either my friend or my enemy. Simple.

 

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a BiPolar Muppet

It is apparant that I am not myself these days.  Maybe I'm no longer a Muppet, maybe I am one of those Fraggle Rock fuckheads.

So now I'm starting up a posse to come and look for you.  We're gonna put a stop to what you wanna do. 

When I was Los Angeles there was a night littered with cocaine and marijuana when I thought my heart was gonna stop and at that moment I didn't care.

I had been dumped.  I was alone.  My dream was making plans to escape the country.

Now you might take offense to a word like FUCK or SHIT.

Women seem to be the gasoline on the flame that is my BiPolar.  I become engulfed in flames of hatred.  And with that massive amount of negative energy I think my heart is gonna stop and at this moment I don't care.

My friend died recently and after seeing a photo of him and his wife I asked God why he didn't take me instead of him.  I tend to feel like I don't have much to live for.

The Muppet show was cancelled years ago.  My band is playing bowling alleys....on mondays.

My spirit is so dark and empty.  I fell of the planet and need to get back on.

Can you hear me calling from outer space?
Is there anybody out there?


My dear friend Elmo, couldn't handle the pressure.  A black pedophile stuck his hand up Elmo's ass and forever changed his life.

Seems to me he lived his life like a candle in the wind.

Women Kissing

I'd just love to spend the day watching women kissing and fondling each other.

I would make a bowl of ice cream, grab my cats and just sit back in bed and watch them please each other. 


Or I'd love to watch sisters playing dress up.  Changing clothes and trying on different outfits.

What a way to spend a friday but instead I will spend the night.....

Muppet Chaos

Some people see right through me.  “You’re no doctor, no musician, no Muppet.  You’re an unstable guy who writes under an alter ego so you can spew whatever shit comes to mind without responsibility of a filter.”  And they are sometimes right.

I am no Muppet.  I am no Doctor, and sometimes I am so unstable I am surprised I can walk a straight line, but when you push me I am fucking pushing back.  When you fuck me I will fucking destroy you.   When you turn on me you have become my enemy and I will consider you as such and treat you with no common decency or respect.  You sacrificed that. 

I know your weaknesses and I will exploit them to punish you emotionally when you punish me. 

I’ve gave up on normal along time ago.  I gave up on sanity a long time ago.  I gave up on believing in the kindness of mankind at least two presidents ago.

My blog is a tool.  It’s a method of keeping as sane as I fucking get.  It’s a way to express the insanity that possesses my mind.  It is my tool.  It is my weapon.  I don’t need to touch you when I can destroy you with words.

Sober, or not, I am angry and I am mean.  I am losing the battle of normalcy.  I am a Muppet gone wild.  I have limited control over my temper.  I have lost that Hippie-free love-bullshit a long time ago.

I am a person with a lot of pain, guilt, suffering and rage.  I am a forgotten dream.  I no longer have faith in medication, 12 Steps or Psychotherapy.  I don’t believe in God, and I don’t believe I will ever regain control over myself enough to have a happy and fulfilling life.

I am a man of rage; a man of hate.  I am being swallowed up into the nightmare.

I just hope I don’t take anyone down with me.

I am a lost cause.  I am anti-social and resentful. 

Zombies and Hippies

After watching a preview for the shitty looking Brad Pitt movie WORLD WAR Z last night during the Stupid Bowl where someone forgot to pay the electic bill, I asked myself something....

How do Zombies and Hippies survive a cold, cruel winter? 

Granted during an outbreak of zombies or hippies, the outbreak is not contained to only the cold states so the warm states would be fighting a different battle, but in the cold states, after the first freeze I would think zombies and Hippies would be stopped dead in their tracks.

Zombies don't know how to make it to shelter, nor do they have the instinct too.
Hippies can try as they will to get their VW buses started but once the transmission has died, leaving them with an 8th of weed, 6 grilled cheese sandwiches and some Snapple, time would quickly run out.

Only those Hippies that had the foresight to make it to Vermont for a Phish show or California for a Furthur concert would be apt to survive.

During the winter months, the military could take advantage of thousands of popsickle zombies just sitting in the show frozen, like homeless people under the Red Line and destroy them.  Remember any zombie kept under 32 degrees is a frozen zombie.  Frozen zombies can't move.

And also remember, any Hippie with a guitar and some weed will remain quiet and not move until tickets to the next Widespread Panic show go on Pre-Order.

What I am saying is that there is a way to get the upper hand and destroy the Zombies and Hippies that plague this beautiful planet.

Let's start thinking outside the bun here folks.

The Gods of My Childhood:XXX

News broke yesterday that my good friend and former co-star RON JEREMY was in the ICU and in very critical condition....

This got me to thinking about the Hollywood Hero's I had growing up.  I wanted to be Rocky and Han Solo and Indiana Jones, and Superman.  And I worshipped the actors that played these iconic roles, but then there was a time when puberty hit.....

There is a point in every boys life when we see our first ADULT FILM.  It is an amazing experience that one never forgets.  It was 1984 when I saw my first, called TAILENDERS.  What I didn't realize then but found out later, was that it was basically an incest type scenario.  It seemed that Taboo and other taboo related subjects were all the rage in the early 80's.  At some point these movies were banned but thats another story...

Watching my first adult film was a strange experience.  Part of me wanted to throw up, but part of me kept wondering what that feeling was down below, in my pants.  I knew that I didn't want to watch the movie with anyone else around.  It made me feel a weirdness that I didn't want to share with anyone else.  Later I would realize that the movie made me want to masturbate and I didn't want anyone else watching.  Having other people watch would come later.

So there came a time when Ron Jeremy, Tom Byron, Buck Adams, and some other forgotten names, became HERO'S I looked up to.

These were guys who had sex with blondes, brunettes, mom's, teens, blacks, mexicans, twins, groups, inside and outside, cars, hotels, beaches, streets, outter space, etc...

These were guys who were doing something I wanted to do.  I wanted to have sex.  And at that age I suddenly wanted to have sex with everyone and anyone.

I watched those movies wondering when it would be my turn, and even when it was my turn I would never have the experiences these guys have.

They were my idols.  And as much as I wanted to swing from vines like Indy, and punch out Mr. T like Rocky, I now wanted to sit in the back of a corvette with two women who were sharing me.

Most guys won't admit it.  But I am Dr. Teeth and I admit everything. 

I hope Ron recovers.  And I know that I will never stop idolizing these guys, only difference is that I don't idolize them as many times a day as I used to. LOL

Regards-

Dr. Teeth

Dancing With The Tards:Celebrity Edition

Ok so before you get all up in arms, remember I make fun of everyone, including myself.  If you can't handle that then fuck off, don't read this and put your head in a fucking hole.

So there is a new show coming to NBC called Dancin' With The Tards in which a group of famous retarded people compete in dancing competitions with only one being crowned the winner.

This season's list of Tards includes....

1. Todd Bridges, the last living Stroke.
2. Sarah Palin, who reads all the uhm, stories written on paper.
3. Corky from Life Goes On
4. Gary The Retard
5. Beetlejuice
6. George W. Bush
7. Lindsey Lohan
8. John K.
9. The Cast of Facebook.
10. A chicken


There will be Square Dancing, Electric Slide, Chicken Dance, Break Dancing and Dancing with Animals.

So come watch this amazing new show on Saturday Nights this summer on NBC....be there.