Jerry loved music, about as much a person could possibly love music. From the moment he picked up the guitar he rarely put it down and was known for spending 8 hours a day running through scales and such. He was a known early to bed, early to rise sort of guy.
During the late 60's and early 70's, Jerry was a player in no less than 3-4 bands, splitting his time with New Riders, Merl Saunders, Old and In the Way, and Jerry Garcia Band. There was never enough time in a day to fulfill all his musical desires.
Fast forward to post 1978 on and that is when Jerry started to neglect himself and ultimately his music. Sure Heroin addiction is to blame, and sure a very poor lifestyle of junk food and cigarettes were also to blame, but these were choices Jerry made, and he never really made a honest to God effort to get clean. He had some half-assed attempts, but never a really committed goal of getting well. And God forbid the Grateful Dead should ever take some time off for Jerry to regain his health and regain his playing. There were forced cancellations, such as when Jerry fell into a diabetic coma that he wasn't expected to wake up from and had to relearn the guitar.
Most people speak of Jerry's decline in 1993-1995, but in truth that was the final decline.
Look at his appearance during the Rockoplast Show with The Who. He looked grey and gaunt and sickly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpFE_1yzr7w
And listen to his voice during 1983-1984 , as well as his appearance,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVEbEmezGPw
Jerry would have moments of glory again, 1987-1990, but then again in 1992 he almost left us, and the Dead had to cancel some shows. He returned in 1993 looking slim and seemed ok and at the end of 1993 he was doing well. Then 1994 rolled around and Jerry started slipping again, even looking near death sometimes on stage, but he finished off the year still pretty much together and talented.
Back on stage 3 months later in 1995 and Jerry was finished. He spent most of his last 9 months on Earth flubbing lines, playing out of tune, and sometimes turning his guitar down so low you couldn't hear him play.
People believed that Heroin was to blame for his forgetting lyrics and poor playing, but his rampant diabetes really made his playing suffer as blood wasn't flowing into his fingers like it should.
So drugs and a poor lifestyle totally destroyed Jerry in 1995 and he died on August 9th. Doctors have said that even had Jerry not died, he would have not been able to go back on stage for at least 2 years; he was that bad off.
Drugs will make you sacrifice all you love, and indeed Jerry spent the last 15 years of his life sacrificing his love, but when you put it in context, out of 30 years, the Grateful Dead were really only a good band for the first 15, or roughly 50% of the total.
Once 1979 rolled around, the fans truly spent 15 years watching Jerry decline on stage. And the band never took time off. But even if they had, Jerry would have found other ways to get back onstage. But enabling is enabling and Jerry was enabled until the very end.
Look at some perfomances in 1995....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFyD2uHkvDE
Jerry was 52 at the time this video was shot, and yet he looks 80 and like he can barely hold up the guitar; his arms frail and weak, his voice thin and reedy.
By then final Deer Creek show in 1995, which I was at, Jerry was lost and confused and the bootleg of the second set opener of Scarlet--> Fire showed Jerry at his most vulnerable and lost. His playing on Fire is just plain painful, and he forgot all the lyrics, except for the third verse, which is the only verse he sang.
There are examples of his being lost all over songs during 1995. At that point it was more like, "Wow Jerry sounded good on that tune!"
Jerry should have retired in 1994 and taken a real chance at getting better. But it wasn't until he got clean in the summer of 1995 that he realized how broken down his body was. So he spent his final week or two on this planet sort of saying good bye to his friends and family, although he didn't know he'd be dead soon, friends say his conversations were awkward, as if he was saying goodbye. They said there was lots of reminiscing, and long talks.
Only July 9th 1995, a month before his death, Jerry said goodbye to the fans, whether he or we knew it or not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sFyRQPraJ8
It's a shame to have to admit that Jerry let himself, the music and all of us down. And to think he died at the age of 53, having just made it to that birthday, only to die alone in a rehab center; one that he told no one he was going to. Jerry, like a cat, sensed his demise, and went off to die alone and in peace.......
18 years later, the musical landscape is empty, his forever silent voice getting quieter and quieter.
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