Monday, July 22, 2013

Hollywood Shits and Misses

Ok is Hollywood finally listening?  Are they?  Because if they're not, then all the studio's deserve to go bankrupt.

After Earth with Will Smith, ya know Tom Cruise's black friend, started things off with an embarrassing outing.  But in truth this wasn't a Will Smith film, it was a film for his son because nepotism in Hollywood is expected.  Will Smith should do a Fresh Prince movie parody.  And M Night Shamalamadingdong, you were really a one or two trick pony and are now relegated to directing episodes of The Bachelorette.

White House Down came out and crashed harder than flight 93 because Jamie Foxx sucks and any movie where the president plays a kick ass, Obama looking, action hero just sounds stupid, so why would anyone think it would sound good on screen?  They didn't and no one went to see it.

The Lone Ranger came out around the 4th of July and blew up in Walt Disney's face like all the other farts Johnny Depp has released.  Who the fuck had any desire to see a Lone Ranger movie? And who wanted to see Johnny Depp as Tonto?  No one!!!  If Depp couldn't play the Ranger, then he shouldn't have just been shoved into a movie where he doesn't belong.  And just because 4 stupid Pirates movies did well doesn't mean you owe Snore Verbinski or Bore Verbinski $250 million to make a shit movie.

RIPD just boggles my mind.  My immediate thought 12 seconds into the trailer is that this was going to be Men In Black 4.  And I don't know about you but I am getting tired of Jeff Bridges southern sounding voice.  Enough already Jeff.  I didn't think the movie would tank as badly as it did with a $12 million opening, but audiences are lashing out, "No more remake, rip-off, $13 3D movies."

***It is worth noting that the #1movie in the middle of July only took in $40 million, which is pathetic for summer, but fortunately for The Conjuring, which cost nothing to make, it made a huge heap of money.

Turbo is yet another animated movie and to see it open as softly as it has proves that even kids cartoon movies are not immune to no one giving a shit.  This would have been a hit in the fall, when there are no cartoon movies coming out.  But they just had to toss it on top of Monsters U  and Despicable Me 2. That's ok, because Smurfs 2 and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 are on the horizon to tank.

And other movies like Reds 2, The Internship, Oblivion, are proving that audiences are tiring of the actors that they once flocked to the movies to go see.  What Hollywood doesn't get is that we all know that Tom Cruise is 50, Bruce Willis is 60, and Harrison Ford is 70, therefore they are too old to be cool anymore. And watching 45 year old bloated recovering addicts like Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson just isn't funny anymore.  When you watch This is the End and The Heat, you will then watch The Internship and say, "What the fuck did they possibly think was funny here."

What makes me sad about this list is that it isn't the sequels and remakes that are tanking and the whole reboot thing in Hollywood is what irks me the most about lazy filmmaking.  But making $150 million movies is just not proving to be profitable anymore and just like all of our jobs, our movies are going oversea's to make profits. 

I guarantee the studio's are aware of this summer's fiasco and will greenlight less expensive movies with bloated actor salaries for awhile.  Johnny Depp has particularly been a disappointment with two complete flops in two summers.

If this guy could act any better than Jim Carrey maybe he'd be on to something, but as long as he keeps playing silly cartoon characters, he's doomed.

I hear a straight to DVD in his future.



The guy just tries to hard to be different. I bet that head-band was $50, the shirt was $150, the jeans were $400, the belt was $180

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