A hoax has been perpetrated on the American People; a hoax
that makes Jesus, Santa Claus and the Holocaust pale in comparison. This is a hoax that has caused some sort of
mass hysteria amongst the public. It
appears to be air-borne, and Oprah Winfrey is believed to be Patient Zero. This hoax is simply known as GLUTEN
FREE. At some point one person ate some
gluten and went off on a trip the likes of which no non- Deadhead has ever
witnessed. There are scores of people
all over the land who are now either allergic to gluten or are afraid of the
addictive and supposedly deadly effects of gluten. Every restaurant now has Gluten Free
menus. Diners are now asking questions
about every item in every dish a restaurant serves. “Is this gluten free”, well the last time I
checked no body was charging extra for gluten so I am sure it comes free with
the dish.
But it is not good enough. Some people react to gluten like
the devil reacts to Holy Water. They are
angry at it. They are afraid of it.
When did the American public turn into such
fraidy-cats? They can’t have gluten, or
dairy, or meat, or peanuts, or shellfish, or hydrogen dioxide. Get over it people. The flour in your food is not going to harm
you. If you want to eat like an animal
living off the land then go graze on a farm, and do not go into restaurants or
stores anymore. Eat the fucking grass on
the ground. Chew a branch on a tree.
Starve for all I care, but enough of this irrational fear of gluten. It has always been there and it always will
be. You will not escape it. It knows you.
It knows where you live. It knows
what you fear. Deal with it.
Snort, suck, chew, gulp and fuck as much gluten as you
can. You will survive.
I did……….
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