Violating The Patriot Act Which Violates Me!

So the library reports that the Patriot Act forces them to divulge what I check out and what I search for on the internet and that they are not allowed to tell me when or if they've been asked.

If I check out a book that red flags me, shouldn't the library be banned from carrying that book? Should that book not be burned?  Hmm sounds like Nazi behavior to me.

If I check out subversive internet sites, should the sites not already be blocked, or should the internet be taken down? Hmm, sounds like Nazi behavior to me.

George Bush really did it this time, creating an ACT that allows the government to spy on me and probe my privacy. 

Well OK, so a whole bunch of government people voted YES without even reading it.
Well OK, so we let 911 turn us into a bunch of obsessively scared citizens.
Well OK, its no problem to spy on me as long as you can rest assured I am not Bin Laden.

And boy how our country has fallen apart since 911 and the Bush Dictatorship of 8 years. And how it gets even worse with Obama driving a car without a license.

I know it sounds messed up, but sometimes I think the lucky ones are those who died on 911.  Or at least anyone who died before.

What have we become?
Where are we going?
What will we be when we get there?

The Three Stooges: A MASSACRE in 3 Chapters

I know, your first question is did I really expect this movie to be good and the answer is, "NO", but I didn't expect it to be as bad as it was, mainly due to poor choices and missed opportunities.

The film is told in three, 25 minute shorts, like real Stooges films were. Each section has its own Title Card and name of that chapter. 

This was the first missed opportunity. Why not use the real title cards and the actual music from the original Three Stooges Shorts?

The first twenty minutes of the film features the Stooges as children? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!  When did the Stooges ever do a film as kids?  This ain't the fucking Little Rascals assholes.


Halfway through the movie there is an extended gag scene featuring the stooges changing babies diapers and having a "gun fight" with the PEEING BABIES.  Yep, thats right, the gag consists of babies pissing all over the place and the Stooges getting soaked over and over.  I love how a kids movie has an extended GOLDEN SHOWER FETISH SCENE!!!! 

Oh, don't let me forget AN AMAZINGLY HUGE GAP IN THOUGHT....

If the film takes place in present day, then why would the Stooges dress and talk like its 1934????  This aspect of the film makes absolutely no sense, and the lazy screenwriters and directors couldn't be bothered to give a fuck.  This lapse in judgement bothered me most in an already broken and uninspired piece of shit film.


And then at the end of the second chapter, Larry and Curly leave Moe after one of those Academy Award emotional moments.  First, what we like about the Stooges is that there is no corny drama with Curly almost crying, and second, going into the 3rd chapter of the film, the Stooges are separated.

In all the Shorts they ever made, the Stooges were always a trio, from beginning to end, and were never separated. But in this film they are separated for almost 20 minutes.

And when we finally get the final scene of the Stooges at a High Society party, there are two huge things missing. First, there is no subtext to the fact that you have three morons who don't fit into High Society.  The Stooge films were always great at showing how these regular guys didn't fit in, but somehow made everyone else look foolish.

And the biggest missed opportunity of the whole movie.......NO PIE FIGHT!!!!

How do you make a Three Stooges movie without a pie fight?  Did anyone involved with making this film ever actually see a Three Stooges film?

And two seconds after the movie fades out it fades back in with two buys pretending to be the Farrelly Brothers who proceed to spend the next two minutes warning us that the film is fake and the violence is fake and that kids shouldn't try this at home.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK????  When I was a kid and watched the Stooges, I never once thought of slamming a hammer over my friends head. I never once "eye poked" a friend. I never needed to be warned. I wasn't that fucking stupid.

Its like watching Tom and Jerry and needing to be reminding not to shove large sticks of dynamite down my cats throat. 

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS.

1.  After the Title Card, "25 Years Later", only the Stooges age.  None of the Nuns who watch over the orphans have aged a second let alone 25 years.

2. Larry David as a Nun.  Was there something I missed? He is as annoying as hell in this film.

3. Jane Lynch.  Here's proof that even you can sometimes suck really bad.

4. Jennifer Hudson.  "Token Black Character" who sings for no other reason than its Jennifer Hudson. They didn't hire her for her acting talents so lets force a scene where she can sing.

5.  The cast of the Jersey Shore.  I swear they are proof that the Taliban exists in America.  I would love to put them in a plane and fly them into a fucking building.

If you feel the need to see this shit then go prepared....

1 can of gasoline

2 matches

after beginning credits, douse and light.



It'll be more fun burning to death that suffering through this "film".

End of rant.........

The $80 Dollar: AKA You Want Coke With That

Anyone who has read my Autobiography, " Mien Cough: The Saga of Sage Advice From An Unbalanced Muppet", with a foreward by Lenny Bruce knows more about my drug history than I ever intended.  I didn't have final approval for my book, thank you Random House, and they ended up putting in a bunch of extra shit in there that never really happened.  I shot heroin with Corey Haim nor Corey Feldman assholes!!!!

Its common knowledge that while writing for DYNAMITE Magazine during the 70's, I got in with the Grateful Dead trying desperately to get them on the cover.

I had just broken up with Lorene Yarnell (pictured right) of Shields and Yarnell when I realized that it was actually Shields that I had been fucking.  I've slept with so many people in my day I am sure a guy or two has gotten by me.

The Dead were playing the Nassau Colusieum one night and were in the middle of Eyes of the World when I noticed that a dollar bill had fallen out of the pocket of one of the roadies.

I thought to myself, "a dollar is a dollar", so I picked it up and put it under my hat.  The following day I was back at Jim Henson's Workshop rehearsing with my band The Electric Mayhem..

I was rehearsing a cover of James Taylor's, Fire and Rain when Animal came over to me and handed me the dollar bill. I guess it had fallen out of my hat.  Animal kept nodding his approval to me and suggested we go in to the bathroom for a band meeting, without the rest of the band.

We did and Animal unfolded the dollar to reveal a pile of white powder! "COooooo-caaaaainnneee!!!!!!", he growled as he pulled a short straw out of his back pocket and immediately took to snorting some.

Now Kermit had been doing this shit for years, and I realized long ago he was addicted.  Fucking Elton John was never allowed back stage again.  It explains why Kermit is so skinny. 


I decided to pass up the opportunity. Of course Animal had no complaints about that.  He tossed the straw aside and just dove his face into the pile. Then we went back to jamming.



Too this day I've never done Cocaine, that is until I realized what Crack was.

The Next Chapter

New Job, New Woman, New Outlook......

This is how life goes when its going great!! Challenges and rewards.

Don't take it all so seriously, and treat others with love, especially yourself. 

Red Solo Cup I fill you up, proceed to party!!!!!!


And always have a good attorney on hand!!!!

Mary Louise Parker: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Real Me.....Not the Internet Version

So I met a woman recently and we had a great time speaking on the phone. 

I relayed my unhappiness with constant Texting and Facebook. Who knew years ago that one day we'd be doing most of our conversing with our thumbs.  I also told her that I have a rule that no one who knows me less than 6 months to a year will gain access to my Facebook Page nor my Blog.  Reason being is that in this day and age, we tend to want to define people based on what they write on FB or on their Blog.  That is the main reason I blog under a pseudonym; it allows me the freedom to explore and express thoughts and idea's that I may not want attributed to my writings.

Facebook is a whole other story.  We use Facebook to tell people how we feel at that moment, what we did that day or are doing at that moment, where we are, who we like and what our children look like.  We no longer have to pick up the phone to reach out. We just log on, anonymously, and get our updates.

Its such a shame that we have chosen to move further and further away from actually living life amongst others. 

We sit in restuarants on our phones, and our IPads and Gameboys.  And its not only the children, but the entire family.  There is no gathering of the minds to catch up on the days activities.

A TV show recently had a scene where the mom was calling her daughter downstairs for supper, and the girl came down annoyed and said, "Why didn't you just text me?!"  That is the world we live in now.

But it doesn't have to be that way.


I want to get to know people in person or at least via an actual conversation. I don't want to text, I don't want to Skype, I don't want to Twitter, and I don't want to live on Facebook.

Fuck at this point, I wish I had to get up to change the channel or still owned a Rotary Telephone.  They should make Rotary Cell phones.

Am I getting old! YES!
But I am also rejecting the current status quo of not having to talk to people or touch them anymore.

Wake Up People and Live, together!!!!!

The Untold Tale of Last Nights REDACTED meeting. Not told!!!

Boy, I'd like to tell you this story but the tradition of anonymity stops me from revealing it.

REDACTED
But what can you do except apologize, and thats what pisses me off the most. I spoke with REDACTED for some clarity and direction and then apologized to the people involved. 

What has me in HULK MODE today is that not one of them has yet to respond to my apology.

Shows you how well REDACTED works sometimes.

I am breaking rank here to show you a photo of the group, which is a big NO-NO.