I Must Be Going Crazy......

Was there ever any doubt that I am at least ten miles out to sea in regards to my sanity?
This blog is now being used to try and prosecute me and persecute me in a court of law.
I was bounced from GITMO, but got pulled over for the solicitation of a Muppet.

So I sit here in county jail, with a pack of  smokes, a computer and a harmonica which I use to entertain the boys at night to keep their mind off my ass.



Why do I look like Harry Shearer in that photo?

Anyway....

They asked if I wanted a revolution and I said, "HELL YEAH I DO!!!"

So when does it start they ask me?

I didn't know I was leading one.....



I guess I am.

Drinking Out Of Cups

What does this guy think he is, an indian?
What is he, a goddamn asshole? What the fuck is he doin’?
Not ever.
No way.
Now he’s Johnny Hammersticks. Hammered away like he’s freakin’ Tommy Noble.
What the hell’s he doin’?
Thinks he’s got it goin’ bossa nova … No way, no way…
What is the ga’bage? (garbage)
What is this? Oh I’m … king of the trees, I’m the tree-meister … I count on them.

[When sometimes I (brag? pry?) I like to (steelst)]
Yeah right …. yeeeah right
This guy’s a faggot. The guy’s some sort of faggot indian in the teepee. Who does this guy think he is, he’s Captain Knots? He thinks he’s Captain Tying Knots, when everyone needs some knots tied they go to him - BULL. SHIT. Bullshit

Aflkjg such a bitch, he thinks he’s Miss Sand (?), drinking out of cups…bein’ a bitch.

How ‘bout her fist? How bout her fabulusk(?) bardt (?)
Tired of the little kid in the background fuckin’ goin’ craaazzzaayy
Who’s this guy? Mr. Balloons. Mr. Balloon Hands. No way. No way, get real. Like those things

Mr. Walk Way. Mr. Walk Down Me, I’m The Walk Way … lead me to the building - fuck you!

5, 6, 4, 3

Yeeaheh Right!

Here’s some stupid bitch. Who paid for that floor? Not me. No way!
Never payin’ for no floor ever again. Not ONCE, not NEVA! Nope -

Who’s chair is that? Who brought that goddamn chair here - not my chair. Not my chair, not my problem - that’s what I say.

No way. Stupid dresses.
Stupid flowers.

Lighthouses rule. You don’t like the lighthouse, you suck!

What is this, Sea Horse Captain? What is this - Seahorse-Seashell party? Who didn’t invite me? Why didn’t I get invited?
Seahorse - Sea HELL. What is this? Get real. I’m in love with sea horses. I’m in love with ‘em. They’re so beautiful and cute - I’m in love with the seahorses. They’re fuckin’ unreal, I love them.

They’re like all the clocks - I love them. I love sea horses. And I love lookin’ at ‘em.
And I love SEA SHELLS. I love sea shell things. I love things with sea shells and sea horses on ‘em. Like blankets, and towels, and little bags. I love ‘em.

Sea horses. For-eva.

Ladies in Lingerie Coming Soon....

There girls are the finalists in the Doctor Teeth Ladies in Lingerie Contest for Spring 2013.  Vote Now!!!!!!!!!

 

Cards and Letters

I've decided to post a few random letters I have received from readers.  Not everyone is a fan, but most are.....


Dear Doc Teeth-

You can't be for real!! You are a sick and disgusting asshole hiding behind a pretend façade.  You were obviously beaten as a child and probably set on fire.  Go to hell! Your blog sucks and go fuck yourself.

-Richard Jenkins
Naperville Illinois
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Dear Dr. T-

You sick fucking bastard!!  I hope you rot in hell!!!! Fuck off!!!

-Gayle Swain
Lombard Illinois
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Dear Doctor Teeth-

Seriously this shit cracks me up! You are so funny. And I love the hot girls.  Keep it up and stay funny!!  I look forward to your blogs.

-Deshawn Johnson
Chicago Illinois
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Doctor Teeth-

Just another Conservative, Porno addicted asshole hiding behind a made up persona.  Why don'y you grow some balls and show us who you really are.  I bet you are a little child of a man who never had any friends.

-Name Withheld
Crete Illinois
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Dear Doc Teeth-

You show some hot girls on your blog, but are they as hot as me and my friends? (PHOTO INCLUDED)


-Amanda Cullen
Roselle Illinois

Hey Amanda, I think you and your girlfriends are super hot and I wanna invite you all over to my place for an after-hours party!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's it for today everybody.  More cards and letters to come soon.........

Women Chatting in Starbucks

Sitting here at Starbucks listening to two women next to me talking about men and dating makes me wanna stick hot ice picks into my ears.


But I imagine what it must sound like to hear two men sitting next to me talking about vagina's and sex....


In truth the Good Doctor is just tired this morning and really doesn't want to hear anyone talking.

Proceed with caution my loyal readers.

I Never Put My Name on Anything

I don't put my name on just anything. I am not going to be used to sell your shitty product.

People have asked me time and time again to help them sell their product.  I just won't do it.

Here are a few I have turned down.





I just refuse to push a product on the American People, but China.....that's another story....and so is India, Saudi Arabia, Africa, Canada, Antarctica, and Europe....

Happy Memorial Day and Odds and Ends

Ok what is wrong with that Title?

Why would anyone say Happy?  Memorial Day only exists because soldiers have died, violently and usually needlessly.  So what the fuck is so happy about it?

People have accused me of being anti-soldier and anti-military, which is completely false. I am pro military, because I am counting on the military to one day help the people of the United States over throw the government.

I am anti-pointless wars.  Since 911, how many wars have we gotten into?  I count enough to fill a fucking bingo card.

Whether it be George Hitler Bush or Barack Osama Obama Bin Laden, we have mired ourselves in so many useless and illegal war and military actions.


So get it right...... I am Anti-Government as every muppet should be.

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In other news, I am at a complete loss for words as to how the FAST AND FURIOUS franchise keeps getting better.  6 movies later and the films are getting better and making more money.
Am I the only one who loses IQ points every time Vin Diesel talks?

If it weren't for those movies, Vin and Paul Walker would be sweeping up a Walmart on the overnight shift.
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PLENTY OF FAKES.com

And what's the deal with women on dating sites posting photo's of themselves that make them appear lighter than they truly are.  What do they expect to happen when they show up for a date and the guy notices that they are 40 lbs heavier than in their picture?  Is the guy shallow or is the girl a fucking liar?

Don't pretend to be someone you're not. I don't.

I am a 57 year old perverted muppet who snorts drain cleaner and sleeps with homeless whores.  We just gotta be who we gotta be.




By the way my buddy Oscar has fallen on hard times and he will muppet for food. And he is one hell of a muppet-fucker who muppets the hell out of a muppet.