It all started so innocently. I was on Yahoo Messenger when I got a friend request from a girl named Angel. She started chatting me up telling all about how great Chicago is (she's from Australia). She revealed that she's an underwear model, so thinking this was the start of a scam, I asked her to show me a picture. She did and she was cute as hell. She then turned on her camera and it was the same person. So now I am less suspicious. So far things are checking out. Or so I thought.
I turned on my cam. She started the sex talk and as all furry muppets are drawn to do, my pants were immediately around my ankles. Wait I'm a muppet I don't wear pants.
She started to reveal her perky little young body and it was fucking amazing. She then suggested we become Facebook friends so I could see her modeling photo's. I agreed, not even thinking about the fact no one has offered facebook friendship so fast. I went to her facebook page and it was the same girl. It was her modeling page. She was really hot.
She then asked it we could get together and I said, "sure". If you drive over to me. I am to fucking lazy and self absorbed to drive to the city even if it means getting fucked by a girl in her early 20's.
She then told me to email her boss and ask permission to see her so they know she'll be safe.
Here's how that scenario could have worked out.....
ME: I wanna take our your what I realize now is a prostitute.
BOSS: Ok I need $500 to ensure she is safe.
ME: ok here's $500. (Then we meet up and I chop her up anyway)
So I know the fix is in. But I had forgotten the three minutes of I'll Show you Mine if You Show Me Yours.
I receive an email on where to send the money.
Let's catch up here.
She is in Chicago.
Her facebook is out of Australia.
She models for a London Agency
I had to send money to The Philipines.
This whole thing reeked of bullshit. So I told her she was a nasty hooker and I wasn't gonna pay $500.
Luckily this whole conversation was on Messenger so I could save the evidence.
She then pulled the move I never saw coming. The move that could fuck up my whole world. If I really cared......
She showed me footage of me in a compromising position. She had recorded me and was now demanding $500 to not show the footage.
The facebook thing was so that she could access my friendlist, which I keep hidden, and once she had my friendlist she could threaten me with sending the footage to people I know.
Now honestly I don't want my family and friends to really see my furry muppet penis, but whatever. I don't care. If she was gonna do it, she could do it even if I did send the $500.
So I decided to take the alternate route and tell her that I would find her and chop her up and no one would ever find the pieces. I then suggested she take that threat to the police but reminded her that Phillipino Blackmailers have no jurisdiction in Chicago.
I was nervous for a few minutes. But I knew this was bullshit. Fuck.
But what I learned is that you have to stop revealing yourself on cam no matter how sexy they look.
Doctor Teeth is going to stick to porn sites, one legged midget prostitutes and drugs.
But what an elaborate scheme that almost revealed my 9 inch muppet shlong.
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