Horror or Porn: ADULT VERSION

Oh how I rue the day that SAW was ever made. And not really even SAW but SAW II and HOSTEL.

The new breed of horror film has awakened. 

These films think that torture and excessive gore are what scares audiences and seeing that we live in the internet world where we can watch 911 over and over, and watch captured people beheaded by the Taliban on Youtube, it's no wonder why the only thing that might scare audiences is torture, and extreme amounts of it.

Horror movies used to slowly build tension and a sense of unease, but today that just push that to the side so that they can torture a character and kill them.

Anyone with a half ounce of brains would realize that the SAW series defies even the most illogical of logic.  And HOSTEL, well it was a half assed movie better left forgotten.

I have coined a term for these new films and its GORN. Gore in the style of Porn.
Here's how it works....

Take a person, and torture them for 15 minutes....
Take a person and fuck them for 15 minutes....

Then finally kill them with an amazing death.
Then cum all over the girls face with an amazing cum shot.
/

Porn scene's have to end with the "money shot" or cum shot or you don't have a scene.
Torture movies have to end a scene with a gruesome death or you don't have a scene.

The sex in porn is the torture in horror.  The death is the cumshot.

Porn doesn't bother with logic or story or character development, but then again it doesn't have to and most people don't want it too. They wanna see a creepy looking guy fuck a pristine and young looking virgin.

Horror films have a responsibilty to have logic, and coherency and story and character development, but alas most of today's horror films cannot be bothered.

As long as you have Human Centipede 2, which I dub the Child Pornography of Horror Movies, who needs movies like Frankenstein, Exorcist or The Shining.



In Human Centipede 2, the Director, if you will, directs his "gang bang" of performers after he connects their mouths to the ass in front of them.  In porn, the director directs his performer to eat the pussy or the ass of the other performer. 

But Human Centipede 2 is a movie of such depravity it should be burned.

Well I am getting a bit redundant, but in the end, guys go to horror movies to "jerk off" to scene's of bloody torture claiming it was a great movie.

Those same guys jerk off to a porn movie and after the girl squirts (ie. blood), and the man cums (ie.blood) all over her face and mouth, the guy claims it was a great scene.

It's a shame what the American horror film has become; nothing but cheap porn without the nudity.

North Korea Here We Come

All Right, just like my favorite board game RISK, there seems to be another battle brewing...

North Korea, in conjunction with Class of Nuke 'Em High, coming to Blue Ray is threatening to unleash its fire crackers, uhm....., sorry I meant Nuclear Bombs on America.  I am so fucking ready for this.

I say send 'em over boys. 


Korean radio morning zoo host Kim Jung Goo has been calling America daily with prank phone calls which has only served to annoy the American government.  Phone calls to the White House asking, "Is your refridgerator running?" has really been keeping the politicians from their real work.



There have also been wide reports that Godzilla has been hired by North Korea, much to the dismay to the Japanese, too come to America and create havoc on American Soil.



Neither Godzilla nor Reps for Godzilla could be reached for comment.  But TMZ is reporting that Godzilla and an unnamed friend have booked tickets on Southwest for Florida.

Reporters asked President Obama about the immenent danger of an attack from North Korea on America, to which he replied, "Yo man I'm axing y'all to let a nigga do his job an' let me finish my basketball game."


The above photo shows the threatening stance that North Korea has taken with our President, going so far as to threatening to take their ball and go home.

With plans for three vacations this summer now being put on hold, Obama flew back to Chicago, attended a Bulls game, ate at Carsons, and is now holed up in his Hyde Park home waiting to find out if his VP is even human....


The White House has reached out to the Kardashians, and Doctor Drew for help, revealing how seriously this situation is getting.

Will summer 2013 be the Summer of Nuclear Rain?

Stay tuned.......

The BLOG The Government Doesn't Want You To Read

Everybody's got a cause. Why?  Because, because, because, because, because.....

OIL PRICES. MONSANTO FOOD.  GLUTEN.  HOUSING CRISIS.  WALL STREET.  TEA PARTY. REBPULICANS.  DEMOCRATS.  POLLUTION.  GLOBAL WARMING.....

If I listed all the causes, this blog would be longer and more boring than the Patriot Act.

The world, nay, America, is fucked up.  Really fucked up.  Probably more fucked up than its ever been.  Why is that?

Is it because greedy fucking Hippies from the 60's have sucked America dry?
Is it because our politicians are actually one single party that is sucking the American people dry?
Is it because we have become fat, lazy, gluttonous people in a I WANT IT NOW society?
Is it the Ipad, or Iphone, or Facebook, or Twitter, or High Speed Internet?

It's all of those things.

But here is some of the shit that makes me puke. The shit that makes my blood boil.  The shit that makes me wanna take a gun and not kill others, but kill myself...

1. 911- Oh poor us!  Look at the mass murder in dozens of other countries and we'd realize that 911 wasn 't so bad.

2. George Bush-  How this criminal, murderous, rapist dictator isn't sitting on Death Row will always confound me.  But remember Watergate back in the 70's?  It took millions of dollars to bring Nixon to "justice" only for Carter to come in and pardon him.  Yeah us presidents stick together.

3. Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan. (Mostly all bullshit military occupations that George Bush manufactured in response to a Saudi Arabian attack on our soil on 911.

4.  Iran, and North Korea! Are we gonna wait until they launch a nuke to actually do something about them.

5. Obama-care and the whole Obama presidency.  Whereas Bush was a criminal, Obama is just incompetent, but hey we put a niggar in the white house.

6. Modified foods and the over-medication of the American Public.  Make them sick, feed them drugs, and the FDA, the corrupt organization that "okay's" our food and drugs, get's richer, as do the drug companies.  Over 80% of America has altered brain function.

7. Protesters!! Your signs and your signatures aren't solving a god damned problem!

8. Wall Street.  The Financial Institutions and the Government in bed together to fleece and fuck over the American economy.  Problem is they've been doing it for years, only it took until 2008 for them to get caught with their pants down.

9.  Why live in a house when you can now live in an overpriced apartment.

10.  Food stamps, welfare, public health care, and all the other goverment funded programs that keep you sucking on their teet in order to live.  The goverment isn't empowering us, they are enslaving us.

11.  BiPolar, BiPolar 2, ADD, ADHD, Panic Disorder, Depression. More drugs please!!!

12.  Gluten, Asbergers, Autistic.  Remember in RainMan when Autism was this disorder that no one ever heard but now everyone seems to have.

13. People who make lists.

I gotta stop making this list; I'm getting sick.

Everything is fucked up.  This country is in the toilet.  THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. 

Dare I say that all of the freedom we have in this country is actually destroying us.  Your law gets in the way of my law.  You interpret the Constitution differently than I do.  My agenda inpedes your agenda.

WE HAVE TO MUCH FREEDOM.  But then we realize that we aren't free at all. 

We aren't a Democracy, we are a Dictatorship.  We aren't American's, we are guinea pigs and suckers, and self serving morons who can't pass a math test or read books.  We are a virus.  I used to think people in general were viruses, but NO, AMERICA is a virus.

We need to be stopped.  We need to be destroyed by an FDA approved Medication.

In some ways I hope that Iran and North Korea nuke our asses, while Russia, China and Saudi Arabia, land on our shores and put us all in cages.

We must be stopped. Luckily I am a muppet so the rules don't apply to me.

They tear me apart, and someone comes along and manufacture's me at an inflated price on the back of some some sweat shop worker getting paid 10 cents an hour, and taxed 15 cents an hour.

Its over people. I'll see you on the other side......

Gun Shy:2nd Amendement Style

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Black Jesus My Hero

I love Jesus so much, but what really brings me comfort is Black Jesus.  He is the true Jesus.

 

In my dreams, Black Jesus can kick everyone's ass.  He's in a gang called the Disciples so people respect him.


Sometimes after watching House, my black jesus looks like Omar Epps.

I love when black Jesus goes into bad neighborhoods and starts kicking ass.

Sometimes Black Jesus looks Rastafarian, which means he loves Bob Marley music and smokes a shit load of weed.

Any Jesus that smokes weed is a cool Jesus by me!!

Sometimes Black Jesus turns himself into Ron Jeremy so he can fuck hot pimply faced young white girls...


I guess what I'm really tring to say is that Black Jesus is so cool.  And I am such a big fan.  I really praise him and pray that one day he and I can hang out together. I'll take him out to eat....



Thank you Black Jesus for all that you do and all that you are. I love you.

-Dr. Teeth

Godzilla in the USA

It happens in Japan all the time.  We finally had 911 happen here in the USA.

But what I fear the most, the thought that keeps me up at night, is the possibility of a GODZILLA attack on the United States of America.

What is our government doing to keep us safe from a Godzilla attack?

After we dropped Nukes on Tokyo in 1945 little did we realize that part of the massive fall out of our actions was to create a nuclear monster taller than a tall building, and angrier than Rosie O'Donnell without a tampon.  We created Godzilla.

Now Godzilla is an American Made creature, but it lives in Japan, which it realized was the proper decision due to America's arduous citizenship process and it's treatment of illegals.  But what is too stop Godzilla from swimming across the ocean and onto our shores?


That is one menacing looking motherfucker.  Beware.

I have contacted The Pentagon to ask what battle plan they have in case of a Godzilla attack.  They have admitted that they've had a secret weapon in place for years to combat this threat.  It wasn't ready on 911 as they were still b, bring her back to life, but now the weapon is ready....


Nell Carter's Corpse.  Working out in the nude and ready to take on Godzilla.

But can Nell Carter's enormous body be enough to stop Godzilla's rampage?


This crowd of people certainly hope so and are keeping vigil around the country.

GODZILLA vs. NELL CARTER coming SUMMER 2013.

Will humanity survive!  Will America survive.

God Help us all Nell Carter.  Gimme a break!!!!!

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