An Ode to Black Stretch Pants

They were made for girls to wear, but they were created for men to enjoy.  BLACK STRETCH PANTS!!!!

I mean, come on, they are so tight fitting that you can see every curve of a woman's thigh, the roundness of her butt and the shape of her vagina.  Its not my fault; I didn't create them, but I will enjoy them.

Whether they be cotton, vinyl or some other amazing space age fabric, I don't care.

Here are some examples...





I love them, and the color black makes them uber sexy. Me love long time.

And of course Cat Woman makes them even sexier.




I want to give praise and thanks to the Black Stretch Pants and stretch pants in general. They make being a man a whole lot more fun.



Unfortunately these pants sometimes have the opposite effect.

The Long Goodbye

Things are rapidly changing for these Muppet.  I am no longer using Crystal Meth; I said I would only use it until Breaking Bad went off the air, or until I died.  Well Breaking Bad is gone, and what a fucking amazing ending it was.

I mean I thought of that machine gun idea years ago when I was fired from the Muppet Show for indecent exposure and well......a rape charge for which I was acquitted when the witness turned up dead.

If Walt hadn't of been randomly shot by his own invention then he certainly would have been arrested, in some ways a more honest ending to the show.  But hey, it was a hell of a way to go.

I also had it reconfirmed that sugar substitute will kill you...right Lydia?


Anyway, I haven't had much to write about. I thought about doing a story about boobs, but decided to just add this picture instead...


Google really has some amazing tits. I must admit.

This is my sister.  She is such a friendly girl. 


So anyway, you've gotten used to nudity, and disgusting thoughts and behavior, but I think it might be time to do something different.  Maybe a blog about Obamacare...


Seems like I've got boobs on my mind....

Well its time to sign off then until I have something to say besides posting titty shots.

Its starting to wear thin.  And get so boring....

Enjoy the boobs.....


Be back soon?

Collecting Cat Life Insurance.

So Doctor Teeth here....

I had a knock on my door this morning.  It was the police.  They wanted to bring me in for questioning because so many cats have gotten sick or died under my care. They think I may be poisoning them in order to get the insurance money.

I told them repeatedly that the cats have no life insurance.  And since we live in America, they have no insurance at all.

I asked them if Obama Care covered veterinary expenses, but they didn't know. What the fuck do the police know anyway?

I asked them if they had anything better to do than harass a muppet with a horrible bath salt addiction when 13 people were shot in one fell swoop in Chicago last night.  They said that Rahm Emanuel had it covered by giving a speech with big words in it.

I told them they should drop a fucking bucket of chicken in the middle of ground zero and maybe the shooting will stop.  They didn't like my racist joke, but I don't like gangbangers using innocent people as target practice.

Maybe if they stopped holding the gun sideways, they'd hit their intended target, but they're too fucking stupid. If they hold the gun the correct way then they aren't emulating their favorite rap stars. Do you think 50 Cent would hold the gun correctly?  No fucking way. Don't be so fucking stupid.

Maybe there are black cats coming into my apartment and harming my cats.

I'm sure of it.

Anyway I ranted so long to the police, they forgot to arrest me and left without incident.


How cute that the little boy is learning to hold a gun, but he's holding it all wrong.  Its not sideways. If he keeps that up he'll end up hitting his intended target.  His uncle on the right is doing it right.


A for effort.....

Ashes Gets Sick:My Plea

Watching your cat get sick is awful. The worry about his life, his health and his possible death is a lot to handle. And if you're financially walking a tight-rope that adds to the stress and pressure.

Ashes has blood in his urine and appears to have a bladder infection. He went to the vet and is on antibiotics.  He should be fine, although at 13 years old this is part of being old.

But I am writing this because I had a cat die last year then seven months later another cat died, and now 6 months after that I have a very sick cat.

I expected Ashes to die before Zoe and Daniel, but it was not meant to be that way, but now Ashes is sick so what the hell is going on?!!!!

I am worried, enraged and sick.  I am resentful, tired, and lost. I am doing the equation of how much money I am willing to or can spend on Ashes before I am faced with throwing in the towel.  But first things first. If he bounces back, then no worries.....for now.

I am really traumatized by Daniels death still and having to suck urine through a syringe out of a litter box, force feed medication and stare at the litter box again to make sure Ashes is peeing is bringing back dreadful and painful memories.

Once again the litter box is in the bedroom next to the bed so I can see and hear every time Ashes goes to the bathroom. (With two cats its hard to tell who is doing what)

If I could just get a bit of a break from having to deal with cat medical issues I would be so grateful.

Please, just leave me alone for awhile.

My First Gay Experience

It has taken years for me to get up the nerve to write about my first gay experience.....

It was the summer of 2004 and I was living alone in Van Nuys when......






GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!  You suckers!!!

Celebrities Under the Age of 21 I'd Like to Fuck

1. Dakota Fanning- This chick has turned into a fucking hot little blonde with a nice tight little ass and a fresh, I haven't been fucked face. She is 19 and ready to fucking par-tay!!!!!!!!


2. Miley Cyrus- Ever since the 2013 AMA's this crazy broad got even crazier and I bet she would take it up the ass after three lines of cocaine.  She also probably snorts bath salts and smoke Spice, so she wouldn't remember a thing.  Damn she is fucking fine.



3. Chloë Grace Moretz - Ever since hearing her say the word CUNT and seeing her wear a school girls outfit in KICK ASS, I wanted to make this bitch my sex slave. I, unfortunately have to wait a year since the age of consent in Illinois is 17, unless I take her to Canada or some shit.  She just has this look like, "Please fuck me Dr. Teeth, I'm so hot."


4. Abigail Breslin- Ever since I watched her refuse to drink water in SIGNS and then take on zombies in ZOMBIELAND I knew this young hottie had to be added to my list of under 21 celebrities I'd love to fuck. She is tight, hot and ready to party.  She looks like a young Linda Lovelace.



5.  Elle Fanning- Damn, I get two take on two Fannings at once.  Dakota and Elle, meet my muppet penis.  Let's do this. Or wait, maybe we need to go to Canada to do this since the age of consent is like 14 or some low shit.



I'm sure as time goes on this list will grow longer and harder and throbbing....AHEM...sorry about that, but as long as Hollywood keeps sexualizing these young hotties, I will be there to dream about them.

Its not illegal to fantasize and hell these girls are all at least 16 so where is the crime?! Where is the crime I ask you!!!!



***My attorney advised me to write THIS IS A PARODY here in case people don't get it. I saw fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.***

Miley Cyrus Cuntroversey

Everyone is chatting up the internet about Miley Cyrus's LSD crazed semi-porno performance on MTV's AMA's.  I didn't even know MTV associated itself with music anymore.

Her performance supposedly disgusted everyone, but lets face it, no one was disgusted, they just needed something to talk about. American Boredom.

Monday morning came and everyone was comparing this 20 yr old whore to Lady Gaga's whorish look and act also.  Both girls, although I am not sure Gaga is a woman, both took the stage looking like they left the set of a porn shoot although at least Miley put clothes back on while Gaga continued to strut around naked.

This is what music has come to.

People are saying this will hurt Miley's career, but lets be realistic, this will help her career and maybe she can stop trying to convince us she is no longer Hannah Montana.


The fact is this is what makes careers. And just wait it'll be a year or two more before there is footage on the internet of Miley sucking a huge cock or masturbating.

All of these girls are pathetic.  Music in general is pathetic.

Black rappers all fighting in made up fights.
Female singers all trying to out-whore each other.
Justin Beiber who looks like a butch lesbian who smokes weed, races cars, fucks monkeys and is just a pathetic loser.

And then there are all the others who just make plain old boring pop, studio created music that all sounds like the same bubble gum crap.

Miley did a great thing and people will be downloading her music, and she will be interviewed endlessly and she will make a lot more magazine covers.

But after you've shocked people the only thing left is to make good music or make hardcore porn.

I am voting for a hardcore porn XXX video.

Cum On Miley.....