Barack Obama

Ok, everyone who voted for this cocksucker owes me an apology. I'll take it in the form of a Birthday Card.  Thank you.......

CRAIGSLIST READERS UNITE

I have been advertising my blog on in between searching for an apartment, a guy to play with my furry balls and  FREE STUFF.

Welcome readers. Please leave a comment or seven.

Thanks.....

Michael Jackson: My interview with Bubbles

It has been four years since Michael Jackson died, and recently I had a chance to sit down for an interview with Bubbles, his chimp companion.


Bubbles and Michael circa 1986.

DOCTOR TEETH: So how have you been holding up since MJ died?

BUBBLES: Me? I'm doing fucking great. I got a $35 million cash award from MJ's estate to keep my mouth shut about certain aspects of my relationship with Michael.  So for the duration of this interview I am going to be telling you some fucked up shit about this guy I know names Dewey.

DOCTOR TEETH:  Did you and Dewey ever engage in odd behaviors?

BUBBLES: Dewey locked me in that sleeping chamber one night and farted into it through a hose.  Have you ever smelt the farts of a dude like Dewey. They were so squeaky but damn they smelled like melting skin.

DOCTOR TEETH: What else?

BUBBLES: Well this is hard for me, because I am totally hetero, but Dewey used to play with my penis. He would say it was like a furry baby boy's pee pee.  I mean, what the fuck was that all about? I was young, of course my shit was a bit small, but now it looks like this....

Bubbles penis circa 2013

BUBBLES cont.: I mean my cock looks like a black water slide.  Dewey would run screaming from the room whenever I pulled it out, after I got a bit older.

DOCTOR TEETH: How did your relationship evolve over the years?

BUBBLES: It devolved.  I wasn't immune to the loss of interest once I got older.  Dewey loves you when your young, innocent, and a virgin, but once he's plyed you with Jesus Juice and spread the anus, you become used and too old.  I'd say if Dewey could have a friend remain eight forever, he'd have been so happy.  He fell in love with 8 year old boys all the time, but then they turned nine and he was like, "When the fuck did you get so old?" And he'd kick them out.  I had to keep changing my D.O.B. on my birth certificate to keep him off my ass.

DOCTOR TEETH: Rumors have swirled for years that Michael was a drug addict.  What can you say about this?

BUBBLES: LMAO!!! Let me tell you.  Those of us in his inner circle used to call him Whitney. (a reference to singer Whitney Houston who died in 2011 of a drug overdose.) Dewey always had the best drugs.  He wasn't just happy with cocaine and alcohol. No, this rich motherfucker would smoke frogs, and have his friends break into pharmacies and steal the craziest shit. One weekend we shot up this stuff that paralyzed our bodies for sixteen hours. I thought I was dead.  Then it turned out Dewey hadn't taken it, so he went around and made us all suck his penis.

DOCTOR TEETH: And how did that affect you?

BUBBLES:  You need to realize that Dewey had the penis of a newborn, and couldn't last more then nine seconds.  So him forcing you to suck his dick was not all that bad.  Afterward he would freak out, "God is angry with me." And he'd run around with a scrubber and bleach and pour it over himself.  That was really the beginning of his black to white transformation.

DOCTOR TEETH:  How did his transformation affect you?

DEWEY: I went up to him one day and said, "Look, you was born a niggar, and you gonna die a niggar.  You got's to deal wit dat shit."  Dewey wouldn't accept that he was black.  He used to tell people he was born in Beverly Hills, but he wasn't fooling no one. One look at the other Jackson's and you knew he was black.

DOCTOR TEETH: So what's next for you?

BUBBLES: Well I am consultant on the new Planet of the Apes movie.  I also do some amateur porn. I am writing a book called, M***AEL J***SON: The Niggar Who Took My Virginity, about my lost weekend with Dewey and Macauley Caulkin......how the fuck you spell that shit?  And I'm just trying to survive.  I have undergone a lot of therapy, shock treatments and mind erasure.  I can still taste that man on my tongue and I eat shit.  Dewey fucked up a lot of peoples lives.

DOCTOR TEETH: Are you glad he's dead?

BUBBLES: Oh he ain't dead.  This is all vamping before his super duper super friends comeback tour.  Dewey has been cryogenically frozen like Han Solo in Empire.  He left instructions to thaw him in 2012, but the fatal flaw in his plan was that once they got him frozen and under control, they planned to leave him that way.  Dewey done fucked up.  He alive, but he's just a vanilla/chocolate popsicle.

DOCTOR TEETH:  This is amazing news.  Do you have any proof of this?





BUBBLES: Ask the National Enquirer. They literally know everything........

TV SITCOMS in REALITY

So I have been looking over some old tv sitcoms and realized they are so unbelievable.  I have broken down a few shows to say what would really happen if those show's were real life.....


DIFFRENT STROKES:  Arnold and Willis are two black orphans adopted by a rich white guy and go to live with him and his daughter and the maid.

TRUTH:  Arnold and Willis would show up and tie up Mr. Drummond after they've slashed the Maid's throat.  Willis would invite his friends over and rape Kimberly over and over.  And then after leaving her for dead, they'd rob the place and shoot Mr. Drummond in the head; of course while aiming the pistol sideways.
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SILVER SPOONS:  Rick is the spoiled kid of a very rich father; himself a big kid at heart.

TRUTH: Ricky and his friends would sit around that house while his father was off in Tahoe fucking the assistant.  Rick and his friends would be snorting coke and crystal meth while fucking strippers. Rick would occasionally call over his friend Alphonso who he met on craigslist and suck his cock.
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FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR:  Will goes to live with his rich uncle and family after getting in trouble for being a shitty rapper.

TRUTH:  After the first three episodes Will would be the victim of a senseless shooting and the show would be over.

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FULL HOUSE:  3 Single Dads raise one the Dad's three young girls.

TRUTH: The Dad would have found someone to adopt these kids and not ruin the rest of his fucking life being stuck with these brats.  His two friends would assist him in either finding someone to adopt them or at least help in hiding the bodies.
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WEBSTER: Orphaned kid goes to live with his dead father's former teammate.

TRUTH: Webster was so short and tiny that he would have been the victim of repeated bullying and beat downs.  Ultimately Webster would be found hanging in a closet from a shoe string. Dead.  His parents would be on GMA, TODAY, etc talking about the horrors of bullying.

SMALL WONDER: Dad builds a robot girl and hilarity ensues.

TRUTH: This is too fucking easy.  The dad would fuck the robot any chance he got, and so would his son.  At night the mom would sneak in for a lesbian session.  Am I the only one who see's this sitcom as a pedophilia/Incest- Porn movie.
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There are so many shows to cover and so little time. I will uncover the truth behind these plot lines as time allows.

FRIDAY SEXY FUN GIRLS: Doctor Fan Mail

Here are some Super Sexy Friday Fun Girls that have sent in photo's to Doctor Teeth....


Jenna from Orland Park Illinois, likes Brad Pitt and The Twilight Trilogy.
Also likes Anal Play on weekends.



Lindsey, Crest Hill IL, loves the new tits her dad bought her on her 18th.

Rochelle, is from Franklin Park IL and is eager to get her start in Porn. 
She did her first solo scene last month, only forgot that a camera was
needed to actually record the scene.

Chantal, woke up this morning and asked herself, "Where the fuck
did this tattoo come from?"  She is 20 and hails from Oak Park, IL.

And finally I just had to add this one in.  Its my cousin and she is really lonely.


Greta is 24 and loves anything she can get her hands on.  The last three guys she fucked...she ate.
She lives in my Aunt's basement in the town of Elgin IL.

More hotties as the photo's come in.

What Happened to American TV????

I was watching TV the other night; something I never do, and I caught a show that was like Musical Chairs on crack.  The contestants had to run an obstacle course to get to the chairs and then each chair had a $$$ value and the one on the lowest valued chair was eliminated.  Its called OH SIT! Ohh yeah I get the double entendre.....

What a fucking horrible show on ABC, that also airs WIPEOUT, a blatant rip off of Spike TV's hysterical MXC Challenge, which itself was just footage taken from an old Japanese Game Show with new dialogue dubbed over.

Then we got all of these fucking shows...

American Idol
So You Think You Can Dance
The Voice
Dancing With the Stars

Shit they even got a new show, of course on ABC, called Splash where a bunch of fucking loser has been d-list celebs dive into a pool.

I can't wait for these new shows I have created to air....


How Far Can I Pee
Celebrity Farting
Guess the Cum Shot
Survivor: Afghanistan
The Biggest Loser: Weight Gain Edition



Just give me a fucking handful of stupid sitcoms like the old days.

I miss Diffrent Strokes, Webster and Silver Spoons.

WEBSTER is one fresh looking motherfucker.


With each TV season it gets easier and easier to NOT WATCH TV.  The garbage I have listed doesn't even begin to cover the shit on CABLE..... Duck Fuckers, Storage Sales, Kardashian Mamograms, etc....

Think I'll go for a walk....

Hookers or Real Women

I am tired of the dating scene.  Women are all looking for guys to drop $150 on a date and still not put out. Or you drop $150 on a date and there is no second date.

Maybe I'm cheap or just poor due to all those years snorting Angel Dust in the back of a VW, but I mean come on when are you no longer a single woman and just a WHORE?

The following was taken from this chicks profile on POF...

Just dont be cheap because thats a huge turn off for me, especially if you have the nerve to be like 45 and your trying to talk to me and think you dont have to have to buy me sh!t to keep me interested... like HELLO. LOL okay Im not a gold digger but if your older please dont message me expecting not to have to take me shopping or something, if your young and hot different rules apply!



She's 23 and I would fuck her, but come on with the gold digging, take me shopping and buy me shit attitude.  Maybe its just code for, "I am a for hire hooker."

So I messaged her and told her I would pay her $200 for 45 minutes of her time. We are currently in negotiation.  I told her no date, no shopping, nothing other than paying her $200 for her time.

She asked me what I wanted and I told her I just wanted her to stand in one place for 45 minutes NAKED while I watched TV and ignored her.

I am still waiting on her response.  But I am sure she won't pass up the chance to make $200 in 45 minutes because that is what women are really about.....MONEY.

Fuck you!!! Pay my way, take me shopping, buy me the Soprano's box set and I'll let you let me cum in your face you miserable whore.


Girls like this give women a bad name.  Maybe I should just write you a check and just send you on your way......

Where are the real women at?



PS: SHE SAID YES and I AM CURRENTLY GIVING HER MY ADDRESS. I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH HER SIT OUT IN THE PARKING LOT WHILE I NEVER ANSWER THE DOOR!!!