URSULA UNDRESS the Interview

Doctor Teeth has a special present for the readers. Here is my exclusive interview with Burlesque Performer URSULA UNDRESS.  The Good Doctor may have finally found his soul mate, or at least a date for the Prom that I never went to. Enjoy the following interview while I log off the four dating sites I'm currently logged on to....

http://www.ursulaundress.com/

1.  What is your name, how did you come up with it and what do you do?

My name is Ursula Undress...I am a burlesque performer, producer, and instructor. My name is something that sort of rolled around in my head when I first started performing...but Ursula was born on stage when I performed at an Unknown Hinson show....

2. What do you say to people who think your in the sex business?

Well, I perform what is considered to be the original art of the striptease, which has morphed and changed over time to what it is in strip clubs today - and both have a unique sexual energy behind them, so technically, I am in the sex industry. The intent behind what I do is meant to be entertainment first, and sexual second - if that makes sense. Sometimes it is meant to be funny, or thought provoking...yet there is always an aspect of sexuality in there because, well, I AM taking my clothes off - regardless of what is actually shown. 

3. What turns you on?

Wit...smart and funny are the perfect combination. I also love interesting and dynamic people...oh, and I have a fetish for nice hands and men in well-tailored suits!

 

4. What do you like best about what you do?

I like the constant creativity that comes along with performing....and with teaching, I like the challenge of coming up with new choreography and showing ALL women that they have this red hot light inside them somewhere - and that it can be turned on no matter what age, shape, or time of life they are in.

5. What turns you off?

Ignorance, liars, small minds, overblown egos, doormats, men who don't see past the physical attributes of women (I haven't encountered women who do this, but I am sure it isn't limited to men - just my experience)....heh....sad that I have such a long list...I could go on, and on. 

6. What are the big plans coming up for your act?

I have changed a lot of what i do over the past year...I think the big changes are that I AM growing and changing as a performer and no longer limiting my music choices or trying to rein in my sexuality on stage - I used to hold back a lot, and it made me a mediocre performer.

7.  Is it true you've been banned in several European countries?

Just the Catholic-heavy ones....heheh!

 

8. Did you ever watch me on the Muppet Show or in the movies?

I did (I am older than I look)! I actually have a high school friend who used to call herself 'Dr. Teeth' after she had her smile corrected. She is awesome, so I definitely have a soft spot for you.

9. Was I your favorite muppet?

Oh honey, do I seem like the kind of girl who limits her choices to just one?

10.  During the whole Elmo scandal last year I really rethought my life's purpose.
        What is the purpose of your life?  Or life in general?

Not to sound too "Oprah" or anything, but I think growing and becoming who you are supposed to be....to always strive to become the best you that you can be. Yep...that was definitely too "Oprah"...

 

11.  What is the biggest misconception about what you do?

That I get sexually turned on while I perform - what we do is completely thought out, planned, timed, and hard work! 

 

12 What is your favorite word?

Confection

 

13.  What is your favorite color?

lately it is turquoise, but it changes....

 

14.  A real man is......

Not afraid to communicate, someone who can admit his weaknesses, and knows when he is wrong

15.  When making love I wish I was........

In an anti-gravity chamber

 

16.  Do Pigs and Frogs really belong together? 

Love is love, man... 

17.  Do you think I'm attractive?

Do YOU? That is the more important question...and the only person that really matters. 

 

18.  If not for Burlesque what would you be doing?

Hrm....I have a BFA....I would probably be doing more graphic design than I do now. 

19. If someone asked you to pose topless, you'd......

Ask what I was posing for... 

20.  Wanna go out on a date with me. I got lots of cash and no morals?

 That could be fun! However, you should know that i don't often date men with so many roommates...



Check out her performance here on YOUTUBE>


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9YzqWTGhrw

Escapism: DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS

Most people have some form or another of handling a shitty day or escaping from a shitty day.
Some go out a fuck whomever.
Some drink, and drink a lot.
Many smoke weed.
Some will do cocaine.

But oh so many will pop Xanax, Klonipin, or Valum.

But when you're in recovery you cannot really rely on any of that, except maybe the sex unless its risky, unsafe and craigslisty sort of sex.

Sometimes as a person in recovery I am pissed because I don't get to shut down like everyone else. I am not allowed to escape.

Sure I take Klonipin, but its for anxiety and I don't abuse it.

There are times lately when I just want to disappear in a cloud of marijuana smoke.

Something to make me forget my woes and cares and just float away.

There is honor in being sober, but supposedly there is also honor in having your leg blown off by an IED in Iraq..... go fuck yourself.



Today I am jealous and envious of those who are allowed to smoke, drink and float away.

Origin Stories: Super Hero Movies

How often are they going to keep giving us Origin Stories?

Bruce Wayne came out of his mommy's vagina.
Peter Parker came out of his mommy's vagina.
Superman probably came out of his mommy's vagina.
Most of the Avenger's came out of Vagina's.

They all originate from their mommy's vagina's.

Then they are kids.  Playing with toys, getting into fights at school then one day being called to duty to be superhero's. 

We get it.  Enough of the origin stories. Give us some cool rivals, monsters, evil twins, etc. to have fun with. Enough of the born from mommy's vagina stories.

We know where Spiderman comes from.
We know where Superman comes from.
We know Bruce Wayne needs Welbutrin.

They should make a series of adult video's in which we get to see all of their parents "making" them.  Maybe Spiderman's mom is a real slut in bed.

Maybe Superman's parents fuck very differently than humans, since Superman is technically an alien.

I'd love to see how aliens have sex. 

I wonder also what Wonder Woman taking on Superman and Batman would be like.

Just because they are superhero's doesn't mean that have big cocks.

But who knows......

BEFORE MIDNIGHT

It’s been 18 years since Jesse and Celine got off that train together in Vienna.  And in BEFORE MIDNIGHT, written and directed by Richard Linklater and starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, both who also co-wrote the screenplay, we meet up with the couple once again.

Before Sunrise was about youth and dreaming and the idea of falling in love the way young people fantasize about it.

Before Sunset was about two dreamers who had one night together who are now in different places in their lives finding each other once again.

Before Midnight asks us and them, can love really last?  That is one of many questions and idea’s raised in the latest film.  All three films are “conversation” films. They are about people talking and in this third installment we get to hear more than just Jesse and Celine talk about sex, love, life and death, but ultimately we get to be alone with them again.  Only this time the once innocent dreamers of love and life are now weighted down by the complexities of life.  Jesse is divorced and has a kid he only see’s during the summer.  His ex-wife is angry that Jesse fell in love with Celine and left her.  Celine is at a crossroads in her own life. The two of them have twin daughters now and Celine is wrestling between being a “domesticated” housewife and her independence as a woman in the working world. 

The conflict in Before Midnight is that Jesse feels guilty over not being a presence in his son’s life.  Celine fears this is the beginning of the end.  Jesse was always an optimist while Celine was always a pessimist, but they made it work.  But tough life choices now interfere with the happy ending that we all want love to have.  What makes this film work is its honesty about how love is a feeling that we navigate through when life happens. And sometimes life is unforgiving, unrelenting and just plain tough.

Both are now past 40, and are so far removed from their youth and innocence.  They feel the pressures of being a parent, being a spouse but also being true to themselves.  What we see for the first time is these lovers arguing.  And they spend a great deal of the film arguing.  But it’s that arguing that makes us wonder if they are going to make it.  It’s that arguing that makes us think about the love’s we’ve had and lost as well as the divorces and heartaches we ourselves have endured.  We want them to stay together because that fits the fantasy, but will they?

The film, as with the other two, ends on an ambiguous note.  There is a great likelihood they will not survive.  Will Jesse really sacrifice what he feels his son needs in order to stay with Celine?  Will Celine understand the importance of Jesse being a father to his son and move back to the States with him, or will they split up?

The three films feel like Apted’s, “Up” series where we revisit the same people ever few years to see where life has taken them.  Sometimes life has been kind, other times life has been difficult and unforgiving.  Jesse is complacent with Celine, but Celine seems fidgety.  She’s always been that way.  What’s so great about these films is that these characters are so three dimensional, and each sequel has shown a great dedication in staying true to these characters.

What’s difficult about Before Midnight is too watch and listen to Jesse and Celine being mean and angry toward each other.  But even the most connected couples have moments and periods of disgust, disdain and resentment toward one another.  Love is not easy and it’s not promised to be there tomorrow.  But it is worth fighting for.  And we get a sense as the camera fades that this couple will fight to stay together.

Sure it doesn’t end as sweet and beautiful as the previous two installments, but it does end honestly.  And the viewer, as with the previous two films, is asked to look inside themselves for what they believe.  The pessimist will believe this couple is doomed. The optimist will believe this couple will survive, and the realist will believe anything is possible.  We take our own experiences into these films and either connect to their experiences in our own way, or feel disconnected.

I cannot recall any other films that have given so much pure sincerity and asked for the viewer to search within themselves for what they believe love is.  I personally hope they make it, but I fear they won’t. 

 

WANTED: Boss with Intelligence

Why is it that the dumb people seem to get to the top in America.  In your average work place it is the moron who gets promoted to manager and then they have no clue how to manage others.

It is very common for a person who has been with a company for many years to get promoted to manager, but just because you know the business doesn't mean you have people skills or managerial skills.  Just because you have written a schedule or know how to unlock the doors to the store doesn't mean your qualified to lead.

And when it comes to a restaurant, just because you own a restaurant doesn't mean you have restaurant experience.

Just because you own a business doesn't mean you have any experience in that business.

Its like buying a guitar and claiming you are the best guitar player in the world.  You need practice and time, and even then you may be only mediocre at best.

People with their ego's and their arrogance only serve to harm the workplace.

You should be a leader, but when you lead ineffectively you're subordinates not only don't to help the company, but in fact want to harm the company.

Mess with a person's money and they'll mess with your business.

A boss who is constantly making changes is a boss who doesn't know what they're doing.

Thursday Letters From Fans and Not....

Here is another edition of fanmail.....

Dear Doctor Teeth-

I found you on Craigslist and was hoping it would be under the man seeking man section, but not a chance. I am very disappointed but hope one day you'll want to "hook up" with me.

James Cargill
LaGrange Illinois

Dear Teeth-

You're fucking weird man.  I love it.  Keep it up.

Greg
Glen Ellyn Illinois

Dear Doctor Teeth-

It has always been my fantasy to have sex with a muppet.  I wonder how your furry hands would feel on my body.  I know I'm cray cray, but you turn me on.  I hope you like the pic.

Jenna
Carol Stream Illinois


Yes Jenna I would like to turn you on. I have sent you my phone number.  See you soon.


Dear Doctor Teeth-

You posted a picture of my fucking girlfriend you muppet cocksucker.  You're a fucking dead man.  And your blog is stupid assed shit.  Get a life.

Trevor Meaner
Niles, Illinois

Deer Creek: What A Day That Was: A Review

The July 4th weekend saw 60,000 Deadheads show up at a place that only seats 22,000.  Do the math.  It was high on energy only it was strange and negative energy.  There was a death threat against Jerry and so much traffic and people that it took us 3.5 hours to drive 3 miles to the show.  WTF!!!  Below is a recount of the set lists of this final Deerk Creek show and what the songs sounded like.

 

 

 

Here Comes Sunshine- A rousing show opener that promised a show we wouldn't end up getting. The band had great harmonies on this one.

Walking Blues- I just don't get Bob's blues songs. They aren't particularly good.

Dire Wolf-  Jerry is alive and the "don't murder me" line was eerie considering the threats against his life.

It's All Over Now- A competent yet uninspired performance of this Stones tune.

Broken Arrow- I guess we have to let Phil sing randomly.

Desolation Row*- Starts off great but the crowd of 2000 people crashed the gate thus rendering this concert infamous in Grateful Dead history. Bob Weir looked as if he wanted to kill someone.

Tennessee Jed- Jerry still doing a good job and giving us a good version of a song that was never my favorite.

Let It Grow- Bob sings it well but as if he just wants to get off the stage.

 

SET BREAK:  It was almost 70 minutes long.  The first row was full of FBI agents in tie-dyes.  The house lights were never turned off making this seem more like band practice than a concert.

Scarlet Begonias -> Jerry and the boys finally return to the stage for a good jam on this tune...

Fire on the Mountain- Jerry officially loses it on stage.  He has no clue what he's doing.  He plays only the third verse of the song and starts playing the most off key, sluggish, meandering "music" I have ever heard him play.  This was like a man tripping on LSD having a heart attack. Just plain awful to listen to.  The band tries to wake him up to no success. Phil even stops playing and tosses his hands up in the air.

Victim or the Crime- Bob looks at Jerry during the opening line, "Patience runs out on the junkie." Enough said.

It's All Too Much- It really was all too much.  Vince does a great version of this Beatles cover that I loved hearing at shows.

New Speedway Boogie -> Jerry comes back to life and gives us a rousing rendition of this early Dead tune.

Drums ->Who Cares
Space ->Who Cares

Attics of my Life -> The crowd erupted during the opening notes. I think the band forgot a verse, but no one cared. It sounded beautiful.

Sugar Magnolia- Bob knows how to end a show and this song never disappoints.

E: The Mighty Quinn- The boys played it well but you can tell they wanted to go home. This concert was a loss for us and for them. Although really not badly performed at all.

 

 

After the show everyone was cranky and disappointed. Dis-allusioned is more like it.  The security wouldn't let us leave.  Suddenly a tour bus came barreling down the road and off the property. It was the band.  They wanted to get the fuck out of dodge as quickly as possible and never look back. Funny thing is there is a story in a Dead Bio Book that states the bus got a mile down the road and then stuck in a ditch and a local farmer had to use his tractor to pull the boys out.  I guess their shitty night went on longer than ours.

 

The next night was cancelled.

The Dead never returned to Deer Creek because Jerry died. One suspects they wouldn't have been invited back although they have said Deer Creek was one of their favorite venues to play.

 

Such a shame and probably the most unfortunately memorable Dead Show I ever attended.