The Vatican Does Not Endorse This Blog

Dr. Teeth here with a word from our sponsor......

The Surgeon General in conjunction with 4 out of 5 dentists, the fifth being a fucking jerk, have come together to release Health Information regarding this blog page.

50 % of the people who come here won't come back.

70% of the people who read this blog will be entertained.

30% of the people who read this blog will be disgusted.

3% of the readers will die.

98.9% of my ex's will be discussed or disseminated on this site. 

25% of the blogs here may cause cancer.

34% of the blogs here will cause pre-mature ejaculation.

12% of the content of this blog will be 80% gross.

1 out of 4 people will tell their friends about this blog.

45 foreign nations will go to war because of this blog.

The Vatican does not endorse this blog.

The United States has distanced itself from this blog.



Reading this blog caused me to develop anal tumors, thus ending my life on April 1st, 1954.  The newspapers regarded it as the sickest and cruelest April Fool's joke ever perpetrated on family members.

Dr. Teeth a Black Panther

The late 60's was a time of change.  We got into a kinds of crazy shit back then.  I orginally looked like this.....

But after many many many LSD trips, either I or the world around me started looking like this.....


(Thats me on the far right)

There was Vietnam, Malcolm X, The Beatles were breaking up and I felt lost.  So lost in fact that I spent the summer of 1969 living in Chicago. I moved in with this guy...

His name was Fred Hampton and because of him I unknowingly became part of the BLACK PANTHER PARTY!!!!!

I thought it was some sort of Book Club, but shit was I wrong.  We was revolutionaries.

We was black motherfuckin' militants who looked like the Isley Brothers or cast members of Soul Train.  We didn't fuck around wit no "pigs".

And I don't mean this pig.


I mean we took our Black Rage out on Police Officers.


But by the fall of 1969, I got bored with these guys. They spent to much time talking in rhyme.

I also had been called back to my band for a fall tour with The Monkee's.

The last I heard the surviving members of the Black Panther Party either landed acting roles on Good Times and the Jeffersons or had formed a musical group called NEW EDITION.


I plan on writing a book about my time in The Black Panthers, but am still under the fear that I will be shot and killed for the things I may reveal.

If I am killed writing this book, it's this nigga who shot me...

The Death Of Kemit the Frog Aug 20th, 2012

TMZ broke the news this morning that Kermit the Frog had died.  He was a freind of mine.

TMZ reports that Kermit was killed in a Mexican Gangland Murder.


He had been in a drunken rage for days following the news that there would be no MUPPET sequel.  His gambling debts far exceeded the money he made on that movie.  Kermit got into an argument with some Mexican kids over a $40 debt.

This gang, known for disgusting decapitations all over Mexico,....

Photograph taken of 80's Boy Band, MENUDO, killed when they got the lyrics to a song wrong.

...claimed that Kermit owed them $40 for losing at a game of darts. Kermit was heard shouting, "Kiss my green fucking froggy ass you spic cocksuckers!!!!", as they dragged him away.

He was dragged out by his frog leg and taken to the railroad tracks.  They beat the life out of him.




Kermit was last seen rising from the dead, looking like this....



US Authorities have contacted these two men to "handle" the situation.



More news as TMZ reports.......

The Good Doctor Knows Everything

Dr. Teeth is returning to school.  Some people have asked, "Why do you need to if you already know everything?", which is a great question, but I am going back to further gain my knowledge of everything.



They have a series of classes....

Introduction to Knowing Everything
Knowing Everything 101
Knowing What You Already Know
Knowing Everyone Else Is Wrong
Knowing Is Not Half the Battle, Its The Entire Battle
Knowing Everything For Dummies


I will be taking these classes which will teach me nothing because I already know everything.  But it'll be good for them to have a celebrity Muppet such as myself having taken their program.

Then when I'm done I will teach the program, and get a building named after myself.


The Dr. Teeth Building of Knowing Everything



.......In other news Kermit the Frog is DEAD!

Zoe: The Death of a Great Cat

Part of loving someone is realizing that one day you'll have to let them go.  One day that overwhelming love will be coupled with overwhelming loss. 

For me today is again that day. 

ZOE, the amazing and sweetly misunderstood cat died overnight at Sugar Grove Animal Hospital.  She had undergone surgery to remove an intestinal blockage which caused a massive swelling of her liver.  She had a feeding tube inserted and was given a 50/50 chance of survival.

I prayed to God to help me decide whether or not to have her put down. But also I wanted to know if I wanted to have her put down to save her from pain and suffering or to save myself from pain and suffering. Her road to recovery was going to be long and arduous.  I wasn't sure I was up to it.

God answered me.  Zoe passed away overnight, saving us both from any more pain, suffering or confusion.

Although I wish I could have been there with her, she died peacefully in the safety and quite of the night.

Oh how we mourn the death of our pets, our dear feline friends and allies.  They cuddle with us, they purr, they play.  They ask for nothing other than to be loved and to be protected.  But there are some things you cannot protect anyone from, not even a cat.

Zoe has gone on to sit with the many pets who have passed before her and we pray for the many pets that will leave us today and tomorrow and so on. 

Zoe will exist in my memory.  Zoe will live in my heart.  Zoe will thrive in my smile.

I love you so much Zoe.  Please rest easy dear friend.  And know you were so very loved and cherished.

-JPK

The Dating Scene (with Tips)

Relationships are a funny monster.  They begin and we are like a Junkie on a fix, and then they end and we are that same Junkie unable to find that fix.

Now this isn't going to be a whole rant on relationships, my god that would be boring, but I do wanna say a few things.

I remember actually being inside a woman within the first week of dating and both of us declaring, "I wanna take this slow." Were we referring to the sex or the relationship, because having a "taking it slow" discussion as your penis sits inside a vagina is just plain bad timing.

Another common mistake is that after the first date, the two of you suddenly co-habitate, text constantly, talk on the phone and completely forget you have family or friends.

This is not good. And even if you wanna take things fast, this is pretty darn fast.

It's funny I have never been in a relationship where the woman and I discussed the importance of taking things fast.  Maybe if we did, then when we took it fast anyway we could say it was part of the plan to begin with.

Here are some guidelines I have created for myself and others in an effort to be more successful.

1.  NO sex until after 10 dates.  Her pussy will be there when you get there.

2. If you feel the need to say I love you after a month...don't.....and if six months later you're still a couple, then think about saying it.  But do not say it within six months.

3.  Phone calls should only happen every few days and ZERO conversations should be had via text.  Texting has made us so damn lazy and things are easily misinterpreted.  Texting should be saved for, "I'm on my way.", or "Did you want cream in your coffee.", or "Fuck off we're breaking up."

4. Facebook has destroyed humanity so don't let it destroy your relationship.  If you're dating someone you don't already know then do not friend them on Facebook for at least 6 months.  Let them get to know you not the internet version where you say crazy shit and might have written something a year ago that they'll throw in your face now.

5.  If the woman always expects you to pay, have sex with her and dump her. She will only drive you nuts in the long run.  She should be willing to pay some of the time.  This ain't the 1950's anymore folks.

6.  IF a woman is indecisive, DUMP HER.  She can come back when she knows how to make a decision.  You are not there as her lab rat to figure things out.

7.  If you want to take things slowly then TAKE THEM FUCKING SLOWLY.  People always claim that they tried but fate intervened.  Fate my balls.  Be responsible for your actions. 

8.  Your porn collection should be well hidden and only brought out if she asks.  Don't sit there watching porn when she arrives.  Kinda turns 'em off.

9.  If you smoke, you're not gonna quit for her.  So try and figure out a reasonable compromise and if its a deal breaker then keep on smoking becuase you're going to anyway.

10. If she takes you to meet her family within the first month, regardless of the reason, you should probably run fast.  Meeting the family is huge and should not be looked at as a fluke, lark, happenstance, or whatever other 10 cent word you can come up with.

These tips are not meant to make things difficult, but rather to make things easier.  I am sure there are more but 10 is such a perfect number.  Just be smart and think things through.

If you're ejaculating all over her face and discussing taking things slowly....its already to late.

911 Bullshit

Ok let me start off by saying the I do believe Al Queda and Bin Laden were involved with 911, but thats about where it begins and ends.

Yes, 2 planes tore through those buildings.
Yes, thousands died.

But thats where my acceptance of that day ends.
_______________________________________________________________________________

Years after the attacks between Michael Moore and assorted other documentaries and by applying physics to the scenario we can deduce that those buildings couldn't have fallen as a result of the planes crashing into them.

3 buildings fell that day and all three fell in the exact same manner as "controlled demolition".

How is it that each tower fell, floor by floor, on top of itself?
What are those puffs of smoke blowing out certain windows as the towers fell?
How is it possible that the towers fell at free fall speed?

How do we explain the janitor in the underground garage who was burning before the first plane even hit?

“The explosion….at first we believe it came from the mechanical room and then we heard a series of other explosions that sounded up on the above levels of the building,” said Saltalamacchia.
Saltalamacchia then discusses how a man ran into the office with his skin hanging off. William Rodriguez had previously described the same scenario following basement level explosions and it was also seconded by another eyewitness, Kenneth Johannemann, an employee of ABM janitorial services.

How do we explain countless firefighters recounting explosions heard before the towers fell?

“There was an explosion….the third explosion the whole lobby collapsed on us,” states the firefighter. Asked “was that a secondary explosion,” he responds, “yes it was ….definitely secondary explosion”.
Another firefighter then confirms that there were at least three explosions which caused the lobby to collapse.
The only way to explain what firefighters described as “molten steel, like you’re in a foundary, like lava” being witnessed following the collapse of the towers was if powerful additional incendiary devices were used to take down the buildings.

There are so many questions I could pose, but its overwhelming.  Do your research people and don't take the 911 Commissions take on things.

Somethings are definitely being covered up.  And there were others involved.

Who were they and what did they stand to gain.

Remember that Michael Moore showed us that Bush and the Bin Ladens stood to profit from 911 due to their investments in the Carlyle Group.

Why did we attack IRAQ after 911 instead of going after Bin Laden in Pakistan?

This whole situation stinks like shit.

Reject what you heard and question what you think you know.

And when you figure it out.  Keep quiet or they too might come after you!!!!


I know I sound a bit crazy, but the lies are astounding.  Do your homework.

Now back to the Fact of Life............