Dr. Teeth Loves the Australian Adult Dating Scene

This is a website I invested a few bucks in.  Its dedicated to finding older, white trash Australian broads to fuck!!!  I've been down under if ya know what I mean and some of these older women could carry a baby kangaroo in their loose FUPA's. 

What do I care.  We had a one month gig in Aussieland and I needed to get laid. Since Fonzi couldn't bring his fucking motorcycle on the plane he left me alone to fend for myself. I've heard of security blankets, but a fucking security motorcycle????  I told that Jew posing as an Italian to eat my furry, super glued Muppet ass.  We've never spoken again.

So I called GrannyShazzas and they hooked me up with this beaut....


I'm pretty sure she was half Dingo/ half  woman.  But she could do this trick with her anal muscles that made me crazy.  She was also very willing to let me put a bag on her head.

Then I ran into these two fucking monsters in the airport terminal before boarding my Quantas flight.

They were named Ugly and Fugly!!  They were sisters and of course they loved the Muppet Show. If I had ever wished I had never been a fucking Muppet it was then.  But of course the one needed $20 for braces and the other needed $30 for a facemask so I decided to give these two a whirl.  What I found out was that neither of them had a Vag. They were both born with two assholes.  It was a first for me indeed.  (actually when I smelled their breath I suspected they were born with three assholes each).

Well I looked around and realized that the best piece of ass in Australia would either be a Kangaroo or Crocodile Dundee himself.  And fuck that Aussie scumbag.

So I invested in GrannyShazzas to make the rest of the continent suffer.

These are my investment partners.  DNA tests have been inconclusive......

The Fucking Muppet

Ok so Dr. Teeth has some anger and resentment toward Miss Piggy. But as of right now he/I will not longer be writing about her.  She wants to fuck a skinny green frog then fuck that fat pig!  I don't care.

During my tenure in the Dr. Teeth band I got so much Muppet pussy I'm still recovering.  And I didn't only fuck Muppets, I also fucked porn stars like Ginger Lynn, Seka and FONZI.  I fucked the  cast of Cats once while on six hits of LSD.



Why do I need to obsess over one person. I don't!!!  I got memories and a new album to work on.   So here is a recipe for Pot Brownies.  Enjoy them, and go fuck yourself.....

Recipe #1: Grandma’s Classic Brownies

Sometimes, there’s nothing better than the good old-fashioned brownies that grandma used to make. Follow the easy-to-follow recipe below to make yourself a batch in no time!

Ingredients
4 (1 ounce) squares unsweetened chocolate
3/4 cup pot butter
2 cups white sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose fl our
1 cup chopped walnuts

Directions
• Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
• Microwave chocolate and pot butter in large bowl on
high for 2 minutes or until butter is melted.
• Stir until chocolate is melted. Stir in sugar. Mix in eggs
and vanilla. Stir in flour and nuts.
• Spread in greased 13 x 9 inch pan.
• Bake for 35 minutes.



I even fucked the Beef lady. When she asked me "where's the beef", I told her, "Its up your fucking 90 year old asshole!"

She died a few seconds later.

Dr. Teeth and The Sleep Eating Disorder

I've had this problem for years.  I get up in the middle of the night and I feast on food.  Usually I don't remember doing it, or I have some small recollection of the action, but all I know is that I can stuff 8 donuts in my mouth without waking up. 

I have woken up in the morning with my bed full of crumbs.  Once I woke up with a mouth full of chewed yet unswallowerd Oreo's.

I used to think this problem was the Munchies since I smoked so much pot, but since I quit several years ago the problem has not abated.

The downside of doing this is the mess, the unknowing, and today its the horrible stomach ache.





So I am not sure what to do about this issue.  Maybe eat more during the day. Maybe lock up my food.

Whatever it is  I would like it to stop.

Dr. Teeth can't afford to feel like he does at this moment of writing.

Stolen Photos

Ok so I do search the internet and "borrow" photo's from elsewhere. What pisses me off is that they post for awhile then after a few hours or day they disappear. I don't like a messy blog. I want my photo's to show. I don't want a bunch of empty white boxes with a red X in the corner.  Maybe I gotta start supplying original photo's. Like my Lexi Schafer photos.  I'm sure someone else will steal those though.

Fallin' and Flyin' Lyrics: Dr. Teeth on Keys

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTYyS8bxV78&feature=related

FALLIN' and FLYIN'- T.Bone Walker


I was goin' where I shouldn't go
Seein' who I shouldn’t see
Doin' what I shouldn’t do
And bein' who I shouldn’t be
A little voice told me it's all wrong
Another voice told me it's all right
I used to think that I was strong
But lately I just lost the fight
It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin'
Even for a little while
Funny how fallin' feels like flyin'
Even for a little while
I got tired of being good
start missing to feel that i am free
Stopped actin' like I thought I should
Went on back to bein' me
I never meant to hurt no one
I just had to have my way
If there's such a thing as too much fun
This must be the price to pay
It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin'
Even for a little while
Funny how fallin' feels like flyin'
Even for a little while
Never see it comin' till it's gone
It all happens for a reason
Even when it's wrong
Especially when it's wrong

It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin'
Even for a little while
Funny how fallin' feels like flyin'
Even for a little while
I was goin' where I shouldn't go
Seein' who I shouldn’t see
Doin' what I shouldn’t do
And bein' who I shouldn’t be

Dr. Teeth The Rolling Stone Interview

Dr. Teeth is a songwriter, bandleader, drug addicted Muppet who got his start back in the late 50's working as a staff writer on the Ed Sullivan show.  He moved to San Francisco during the early 1960's.  He became friends with artist R. Crumb and musician Jerry Garcia.  At one time he was considered the most influential Muppet of the 1960's, but a major LSD drug bust and accusations of Jury rigging left Dr. Teeth to pick up the pieces of his life and take a long break. It was supposed to only be one year but ended up lasting 40 years.  At one point he was being compared to Brian Wilson after he gained 300 lbs, and claimed to have a direct phone line to Jesus.  Dr. Teeth was institutionalized 49 times in a two year period until he was deemed incurable. 

I ran into Dr. Teeth outside of a movie theater in Chicago after a screening of The Grateful Dead at Deer Creek Theater July 19th, 1990.  Dr. Teeth was looking much slimmer but his glowing teeth which had given him his name were now replaced by rot and large spaces where his teeth once sat.  Dr. Teeth was searching the ground for cigarette butts and loose change.  He agreed to sit down with Rolling Stone for his first interview in almost 38 years.

RS
So what have you been up to the last half century?

DT
I have been suing the Muppet Show for royalties.  Jim Henson really fucked us Muppets. He had a hand up our ass and one in our back pockets.

RS
Artistically how are you doing?

DT
I have been working on a new album with Daniel Johnston.  I met him while inside.  He is an amazing artist and has even less a clue about reality than I do.  He tried to jump out of a plane.  Luckily I wasn't in it.

RS
There was a documentary made about his life.  When is someone going to make a documentary about you?  You're story is amazing.

DT
Scorsese tried to buy my life story to make into a film, but I wasn't selling.  My story is mine.  I don't want to make a film where people can say, "Hey why the fuck is Adam Sandler playing Dr. Teeth."  Until they agree to let me play myself there will be no film.

RS
But there has been some interest.

DT
Of course there has been interest.  I was part of the counter culture.  I was with the Grateful Dead when they got their start.  I wrote half of Touch of Grey.  I also had my own band which had no hit albums but we had albums.  We were on the cover or TV Guide and Dynamite Magazine.  We opened for the Flying Karamazov Brothers for over ten years.  Then I took one bad hit of LSD and here we are.

RS
Were you a drug addict?

DT
Of course.  I never met a drug I didn't take.

RS
Are you still a drug addict?

DT
Of course. I never met a drug I didn't take.

RS
So what plans do you have?

DT
I rented all three Paranormal Activity Movies and am gonna pop some popcorn and watch all three in a row with at least 6 of my fourteen cats.

RS
Professionally what are you planning?

DT
Well Starbucks called me back for a second interview. And then of course I am recording some new music on my tape recorder. 

RS
Are you recording with the rest of your band?

DT
I had a band?

It was at this point where Dr. Teeth picked up a movie ticket stub and walked back into the theater.  Before the door closed behind him he yelled after me.

DT
Men in Black 3!! It's in 3D!!!!





*John K is a staff writer for Rolling Stone Magazine and also hosts an overnight radio show called, "Psychedelic Sunrise".

Diary of a Lonely Muppet

Ever since the Muppet show went off the air and I was forced to face and combat my drug addiction I have been left with the feeling of loneliness. 

They say that God puts you exactly where you supposed to be, which means that when my friend in recovery was hit by a car last week, God put him under the wheels of a car because thats where he was supposed to be.

But I sit back on my computer and think, "When is it going to be God's will that I fall in love"? Why does it seem that where I'm supposed to be is alone?  Where is my Miss Piggy?

And then when my thoughts are racing I think to myself, "What if my soulmate doesn't live in this city or this state"?  Then the anxiety seeps in that I need to start racing around the country looking for the woman I love knowing that she herself is just waiting around for me to find her.

Would I use a map, or Mapquest to find her?  Would she be sitting in a Starbucks or a parking lot?  How would I recognize her face or would I know by her smile?

Now I already feel like I found the woman I wanna spend my time with, but the strong forces that pull us together also seem to keep us apart. I cannot fight that level of power. I can only hope that it allows our bond to strengthen, yet it seems to want us apart.

Neil Peart of RUSH once wrote, "I believe there's a ghost of a chance we can find someone to love and make it last." I agree with him. 

But it feels like time is running out.  Time won't stand still.  The children are growing up and old friends are growing older. The summer has just started but in so many ways it feels like one long, cold, endless winter in my heart.

I have more love than my soul can hold; I need someone to help carry the load.

I wish Stella Blue would......