4 out of 5 Dentists Surveyed

Back in the 1980's commercials for sugar free gum used to always feature the claim, "Four out of five dentists surveyed....", meaning that four out of every five dentists liked or encouraged the use of the gum.  What always got me stirred up was this fifth dentist.

I mean what the fuck is your problem?  Are you trying to be difficult? Don't you wanna be part of the group?

I always wanted to tie the fifth dentist up in my house and just throw feces at him. 

He's the dude in school who always started arguements and never got along with anyone, so as an adult he figured he'd have his revenge by not supporting the same gum that four other Dentists support.

He's the reason jury's become deadlocked and rapists go free.
\
ROMAN POLANSKI


I say that we hunt out all of the 5th Dentists in this country and put them into camps. The should be forced into hard labor.




The same thing goes for that fifth Doctor.  What a fucking cocksucker.  Fuck You.  You just gotta be different don't you.  A rebel.  More like an asshole.

FUPA: A Celebration

Women have it, Men deal with it.  Its known as the FUPA.

F. fucked
U. up
P. pussy
A. Area

Its that blog of flab below the stomach and above the vag that women try to tuck under their belts.



Usually this scientific oddity is a result of pregancy or too many Whoppers while watching Oprah.

This is a photo of me and my girlfriend Blair.  She had an enormous FUPA.


The thing I like most about the FUPA is that when I'm having sex I am like a cat and I knead my hands in the "dough" while thrusting.  I like to grab it and pull it and sometimes take bites out of it.

Sometimes I will grab onto the FUPA with both hands and use it as a way to pull myself into the woman, gaining thrusting momentum.

This woman has something called a FUBA......or Fucked Up Bloated Ass


This is just deranged.  This woman had to have known at some point that Dorito's and Ice Cream Sandwiches are not major food groups.

OMG What the FUCK!!!!!!!!


America, we have a new enemy. Its the FUPA.  56% of all American Women own a FUPA.

I am starting a movement to end all FUPA's.  Ban the FUPA!!!!!



Why does GOD harm us? Is he angry? Is he vengeful? 

F.U.P.A in the USA.
F.U.P.A. in the USA.

Come on John Mellencamp sing that shit!!!!!!

The Vatican Does Not Endorse This Blog

Dr. Teeth here with a word from our sponsor......

The Surgeon General in conjunction with 4 out of 5 dentists, the fifth being a fucking jerk, have come together to release Health Information regarding this blog page.

50 % of the people who come here won't come back.

70% of the people who read this blog will be entertained.

30% of the people who read this blog will be disgusted.

3% of the readers will die.

98.9% of my ex's will be discussed or disseminated on this site. 

25% of the blogs here may cause cancer.

34% of the blogs here will cause pre-mature ejaculation.

12% of the content of this blog will be 80% gross.

1 out of 4 people will tell their friends about this blog.

45 foreign nations will go to war because of this blog.

The Vatican does not endorse this blog.

The United States has distanced itself from this blog.



Reading this blog caused me to develop anal tumors, thus ending my life on April 1st, 1954.  The newspapers regarded it as the sickest and cruelest April Fool's joke ever perpetrated on family members.

Dr. Teeth a Black Panther

The late 60's was a time of change.  We got into a kinds of crazy shit back then.  I orginally looked like this.....

But after many many many LSD trips, either I or the world around me started looking like this.....


(Thats me on the far right)

There was Vietnam, Malcolm X, The Beatles were breaking up and I felt lost.  So lost in fact that I spent the summer of 1969 living in Chicago. I moved in with this guy...

His name was Fred Hampton and because of him I unknowingly became part of the BLACK PANTHER PARTY!!!!!

I thought it was some sort of Book Club, but shit was I wrong.  We was revolutionaries.

We was black motherfuckin' militants who looked like the Isley Brothers or cast members of Soul Train.  We didn't fuck around wit no "pigs".

And I don't mean this pig.


I mean we took our Black Rage out on Police Officers.


But by the fall of 1969, I got bored with these guys. They spent to much time talking in rhyme.

I also had been called back to my band for a fall tour with The Monkee's.

The last I heard the surviving members of the Black Panther Party either landed acting roles on Good Times and the Jeffersons or had formed a musical group called NEW EDITION.


I plan on writing a book about my time in The Black Panthers, but am still under the fear that I will be shot and killed for the things I may reveal.

If I am killed writing this book, it's this nigga who shot me...

The Death Of Kemit the Frog Aug 20th, 2012

TMZ broke the news this morning that Kermit the Frog had died.  He was a freind of mine.

TMZ reports that Kermit was killed in a Mexican Gangland Murder.


He had been in a drunken rage for days following the news that there would be no MUPPET sequel.  His gambling debts far exceeded the money he made on that movie.  Kermit got into an argument with some Mexican kids over a $40 debt.

This gang, known for disgusting decapitations all over Mexico,....

Photograph taken of 80's Boy Band, MENUDO, killed when they got the lyrics to a song wrong.

...claimed that Kermit owed them $40 for losing at a game of darts. Kermit was heard shouting, "Kiss my green fucking froggy ass you spic cocksuckers!!!!", as they dragged him away.

He was dragged out by his frog leg and taken to the railroad tracks.  They beat the life out of him.




Kermit was last seen rising from the dead, looking like this....



US Authorities have contacted these two men to "handle" the situation.



More news as TMZ reports.......

The Good Doctor Knows Everything

Dr. Teeth is returning to school.  Some people have asked, "Why do you need to if you already know everything?", which is a great question, but I am going back to further gain my knowledge of everything.



They have a series of classes....

Introduction to Knowing Everything
Knowing Everything 101
Knowing What You Already Know
Knowing Everyone Else Is Wrong
Knowing Is Not Half the Battle, Its The Entire Battle
Knowing Everything For Dummies


I will be taking these classes which will teach me nothing because I already know everything.  But it'll be good for them to have a celebrity Muppet such as myself having taken their program.

Then when I'm done I will teach the program, and get a building named after myself.


The Dr. Teeth Building of Knowing Everything



.......In other news Kermit the Frog is DEAD!

Zoe: The Death of a Great Cat

Part of loving someone is realizing that one day you'll have to let them go.  One day that overwhelming love will be coupled with overwhelming loss. 

For me today is again that day. 

ZOE, the amazing and sweetly misunderstood cat died overnight at Sugar Grove Animal Hospital.  She had undergone surgery to remove an intestinal blockage which caused a massive swelling of her liver.  She had a feeding tube inserted and was given a 50/50 chance of survival.

I prayed to God to help me decide whether or not to have her put down. But also I wanted to know if I wanted to have her put down to save her from pain and suffering or to save myself from pain and suffering. Her road to recovery was going to be long and arduous.  I wasn't sure I was up to it.

God answered me.  Zoe passed away overnight, saving us both from any more pain, suffering or confusion.

Although I wish I could have been there with her, she died peacefully in the safety and quite of the night.

Oh how we mourn the death of our pets, our dear feline friends and allies.  They cuddle with us, they purr, they play.  They ask for nothing other than to be loved and to be protected.  But there are some things you cannot protect anyone from, not even a cat.

Zoe has gone on to sit with the many pets who have passed before her and we pray for the many pets that will leave us today and tomorrow and so on. 

Zoe will exist in my memory.  Zoe will live in my heart.  Zoe will thrive in my smile.

I love you so much Zoe.  Please rest easy dear friend.  And know you were so very loved and cherished.

-JPK